Is She Worth it?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Cut her off completely and tell her to only contact you if she decides she wants a relationship, but otherwise you need to move on. Simple. You'll get your answer soon enough and you won't have to wonder where you stand.

[useless]

^ Thank you so much.

I talked to her earlier and I won't contact her until she contacts me. And even then, I don't even know what to say to her anymore. I spent a bit of time earlier laughing at my self and just started wondering why I put up with her with all the crap she said and done. My intentions are good. I'm not a bad looking guy and at this point I know several of my girl friends have a thing for me so I don't know why I feel so sorry for my self putting up with her. She knows this too.

I did send her something in the mail that she wanted tho. I included some "corny" note in it. I sent it several days ago and should be arriving today or tomorrow. I wanna see what happens when she receives it.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Don't worry about what happens when she receives it. Don't worry about her at all. Start pursuing your friends that you said are interested in you, so that when this girl does resurface, you'll be in a better mind to deal with her, rather than pining over her and willing to let her walk all over you again. Next time she initiates contact with you, tell her you'd rather not have any contact at all unless she wants a relationship.

[Cerby]

I hope I can shed some positive light since everyone is throwing this girl to the wolves.

Your situation is much similar to mine, The girl I'm dating came on too strong at the beginning, then we slowed it down, fell into a pace, then for no real reason completely backed off at about the 2 month mark, telling me I was pushing her for too much too soon and she was scared. For a few weeks we played this silly push and pull game, and then one night she told me that she needs some time to herself and wants to take some time away from me as she isn't ready for what I want, but doesn't want to lose me.

I dumped her right there, told her to do whatever she wants, and if I'm around when she figures her shit out, then I might still be here. Needless to say, that changed her attitude completely. After a week she contacted me, started coming after me again, I rejected her a couple of times because I just didn't want to deal with it. She persisted and being a "nice guy" I didn't reject her, but took her for a coffee and a serious conversation. I approached the situation on guard and we started over in a way, both clear on what we wanted, clear on how to get it, and now things are finally starting to make sense. We're several weeks into our "reset" and things are starting to feel like a real relationship, albeit slow, but at least we're on the same page.

I resolved to not chase her like I was, not call every night, and to just relax and play it safe, keeping myself on guard, and not showing her that I like her as much as I do.

So to answer your question; Is she worth it? Thats completely up to you, you have to decide if you can take a step back, relax a bit, and let things unfold naturally. If you don't think you can, then get out now, but otherwise, play it slow.


The coffee conversation was the best thing that could have happened in my situation, it allowed all cards to be played and all differences to come out. I'd say try this at least before walking away.

[useless]

Thanks again BackUp. The thing about my friends that are interested in me is that they aren't really my type (well, so is the girl I'm pursuing). They are good looking by any means but I don't want to play and toy with their emotions and pretend to show my interest when in reality I don't see anything happening in the future. Granted I'm too young to say something like this but at the same time I'm a pretty busy guy so I don't have all the time in the world to deal with something like this.

Cerby - Thanks for sharing your experience bro! I really appreciate it. I'm happy things are going well with you and the lady. I hope it stays that way. Like I've stated, I'm gonna back off for now. If she contacts me, then great. If she doesn't then I'll move on.

I just hate how I haven't liked someone as much as I like her in the past 2 years (I broke up with my ex 2 years ago). I'd go on occasional dates and what not but I didn't really "like" someone until she showed up. And honestly, it bugged me because she isn't the usual type of girl I date.

[useless]

BackUp - I can't thank you enough. After re-reading what you said, I realized that I do let her walk all over me. It's not gonna happen anymore.

[imagineallthe]

She's like that NOW. Imagine if you ever got her as your girlfriend... jikes. Not worth it. Trust me, when you start ignoring her or getting over her, she'll get interested again and contact you constantly... her type is easy to read if you read your own post thoroughly

[useless]

Thank you for your reply imagine. You're probably right. But I guess that's why I like her. I hope one day she'll grow up.

I have a question though, based on what I said, am I too nice? Is it a turn off for a guy to be caring/nice? To be honest, I'm not a total nice guy. I can be a jerk (in a joking way) but when it comes to someone I like and have a feeling or, I try to give them a lot of attention. Is this a bad thing?

[girl68]

Are you too nice? Overall probably not, when it comes to this girl yes. But it's only yes, because she doesn't reciprocate. She's just wanting to be wanted. Give up on her. She will come crawling back but she doesn't want YOU, she just wants attention don't buy it.

Next time let your good intentions, and actions be reciprocated.

[smackie9]

When you give a girl too much attention too soon, you will be taken for granted. They need to EARN your affection.....like girl68 says, if they are not recipocating you back off.

[useless]

I'll keep that in mind.

But to an extend, do girls love attention and a guy who cares right? Am I being too traditional here? Do I have to pretend to be a jerk to be wanted/liked?

[smackie9]

A good balance is needed. If you over do it they back away, if you completely ignore them they get all b itchy about it. Give a little then back off......it's called the push and pull method.

[girl68]

I'll keep that in mind.

But to an extend, do girls love attention and a guy who cares right?

OF course they do. But only idiots continue to feed a girl attention when she's totally uninterested.

[IncognitoSir]

I'll keep that in mind.

But to an extend, do girls love attention and a guy who cares right? Am I being too traditional here? Do I have to pretend to be a jerk to be wanted/liked?

Is a healthy relationship "pretending" anything? NO. Sure guys are jerks and some chicks like that, the bad boy thing. As you grow older and meet mature women, you'll realize that woman want to be treated with respect. Of course they want attention from their boyfriend, caring, love all that jazz. That's what a relationship is about, but it's not a one way thing like with this chick. It works BOTH ways, you buy your girl things, spoil her, love her, she returns the favor, not because it's the right thing to do, or tradition, but because she ACTUALLY loves and cares about you. Don't be a sucker bro, I've been their and done that one. NOT WORTH IT IN A MILLION YEARS!!!!

[useless]

^ For sure bro. Thanks so much for the advice. I'll keep that in mind. Is that your Evo?

I realize that you guys are saying she isn't into me. If this was the case, why would she told me that she likes me and would "put up" with the arguments and fights.

I'm asking not because I'm hoping she still does. I'm just wondering for future reference. Do girls/women say they like a man just because?