Is She Worth it?

[useless]

So I've been talking to this girl for about 2 months now. It was nothing serious in the beginning. We both knew we liked each other. I think she was taking it more seriously than I was. At certain point I told her that she's not my usual type and wanted to stop talking to her and she would get upset and tried convincing me not to. At the time, she'd text me, call me, and worry if I'm upset.

At one point or another, I realized that I do like her. I started caring more and giving her more attention. However, by the time I decided to do this, she claimed that I like her more than she likes me. She claims that I'm way more into it now than she is. She wouldn't text back right away, she wouldn't pick up the call if she's doing something (she used to before) but she does text me and tell me what she's doing, and we don't talk often at night anymore.

I'd occasionally buy her stuff. She'd tell me if she wanted something (online usually) and being the caring guy I am, I'd secretly buy it and give it to her. Do you think she's using me? Actually, I've asked her that same question before whether or not she's using me and she snapped and hung up the phone on me and told me to keep everything and never to call her. I feel like this act resembles my point. If she wasn't "using" me, she wouldn't go to that extreme and hanging up the phone.

Recently I've also told her how much I liked her. Decently a whole lot. She just says okay and change the subject. She knows that I am a fairly good looking guy and have many female friends (usually she'd be jealous if I talked about them). Do you think she's taking me for-granted?

Also in the past she's used to dating bunch of jerks. Based on what she told me she rarely received flowers and rarely got taken out on dates. Being the guy that I am, I try to make her feel special. I'd send her flowers occasionally (I actually sent her flowers today to her hotel as she is vacationing). I'd try to show her that I am a different guy, I care, and won't hurt her the way her ex's do. It seems like the more I am trying to be this guy, the more she doesn't appreciate it (she claims she appreciates it but who knows). Is she used to jerks? Am I too nice for her? (Mind you, she is a little younger in her early 20's).

I feel like I'm done trying to give her more attention. I do like her and she claims that she does like me when she asks but I don't see it. Do you think this is worth it? Do you think there is another guy involved now?

There are times I feel like she is lying when it comes to saying she likes me. Though today, we had a little fight and I told her that I'd stop talking to her. She then made a comment in her sorta upset tone to "call the girl that asked for my number" (I recently told her about the incident as a girl asked for my number). She seemed upset which leads me to believe that she was jealous.

Anyway, does she need more space? She claims that she doesn't want anything serious right now. She did before.
Should I stop caring so much?

My plan is not to contact her again. She knew the flowers were coming as I asked where she was staying but I haven't texted her ever since. Do you think I'm doing the right thing ladies?

Please help me out.

Thank you so much for all of your help!

[wolfie91]

I'll bet you scared her when you threatened to take yourself out of the picture, especially if she "liked you more than you liked her."

Now she's on the defensive, playing games and being careful not to get too invested. Maybe she gets your texts and sits on them, feeling insecure and worrying over it (I do this too, and it's a warning bell that I am feeling uncomfortable or too vulnerable in a relationship). I don't think I would go so far as to say she is using you--hanging up the phone just means that you upset her. Either you are right on target or you are totally in the wrong zipcode. Regardless, talking it out with her (maybe being a little less direct) would allow you to work out the issues you feel you are having. Try to approach things without implicating her. Be honest (and more importantly, OPEN). If you demonstrate that you are willing to put yourself on the line a little more, she may relax over time.

I think the first thing to do, is stop jerking her around. Make an effort to keep from being unpredictable, even in arguments. Instead of giving her the silent treatment, try and be reasonable. It sounds to me like this is not the healthiest relationship, one way or another. If you feel the need to "punish" her by taking yourself out of the game, you might consider making a permanent change.

[useless]

Hey wolfie,

Thank you so much for your quick reply. I really appreciate your opinion more than you know it.

She has told me the same thing. She is scared but like I've stated, I've told her and have made it clear to her that I am here and like her. Now she is scared because she thinks I am being too serious. I have told her that I am still talking to her because I see us in the future. She had always talked about that before but now when I bring it up, she gets offensive and says that she's scared that I'm being way too serious when it comes to it.

At one point she claimed that we were dating. Now when I ask her to define what we are, she says we're just "talking".

I'm seriously ready to take my self out of the game. Like I said, I got her flowers today and haven't said anything at all today. I wonder what she would do when she sees it. I was planning on not responding unless she calls.

[wolfie91]

Yup! You scared her. But she may not know why she is scared, and that's why (to you) it seems like she is acting unpredictably.

You say that you have made it clear to her that you like her, but she is still deathly afraid (as a lot of women are in relationships) that you will -leave-. Especially since this is a real possibility, now, it's time to show her your cards (in my opinion).

Lay it out. Tell her that you like her a lot, but that you aren't sure what she wants from you. Tell her that you will back off if she wants you to, but that you don't want to. A frank discussion will give her the opportunity to slow down and examine her feelings more thoroughly (and then hopefully explain them to you!).

I would do this after you have given her a few days, since you sent flowers. Not because she needs to feel bad, or because you need to remove yourself to remind her how lucky she is, but because she will need time to think and if you seem overly eager she will just be confused and tangled up all over again. If she calls, set up a time to meet, but be relaxed. Don't take her out to a fancy dinner--bring her to the park or someplace she won't feel threatened and can open up a little more.

Good luck!

[useless]

Yeah, you are right. She mentioned to me that she is scared. She said she's drained and stressed. We've been on a "break" for 2 weeks now.

I just hate how she would tell me I stress her out. I'm not supposed to do that to her.

Once again, thanks for the wonderful suggestion Wolfie. Are you saying I should wait several days before I talk to her again? Also do you think the flowers (in her fav color) would make an impact on showing her how much I care and like her?

[smackie9]

She is not the girl for you. She likes the bad boys and she can't get her head around being with someone that treats her right. For now there is no changing that......maybe 10 years from now when she is in her 30's, more mature and has figured out what is important to her, she will finally come to terms that a nice guy is what she needs. But in the meantime I suggest you throw in the towel before she tramples you even more with her crap.

[useless]

Thank you for your honest opinion.

I honestly didn't think we would work together. She isn't my type and I know I'm not hers. Though when we first started talking, she mentioned that she is sick of "boys" who don't have their shit together and I am perfect and who she is really looking for. Is this her talking out of her ass?

[smackie9]

Thank you for your honest opinion.

I honestly didn't think we would work together. She isn't my type and I know I'm not hers. Though when we first started talking, she mentioned that she is sick of "boys" who don't have their shit together and I am perfect and who she is really looking for. Is this her talking out of her ass?

Well she is trying to convince herself that she needs to make a change BUT there is no way she is ready to make that step.

[smackie9]

So ya she's talking out of her ass......

[bloodtippedrose]

I am failing to see anything positive about this girl.

[useless]

Honestly, I'm starting to see only the negative. I can't explain to my self why I like her. It's weird. She even admitted that she isn't that nice.

She offered that she can make me stop liking her. I asked her if that's what she wanted and she answered "no but I can if that's what you want".

Thank you so much for your comments and support. I appreciate every single one of them. It's always good to see perspective from others.

[useless]

So I finally had a conversation with her about this whole thing.

I asked her if we should continue this, she said she doesn't know. I asked her if she likes me, cares about me, and appreciates things I do for her and she said "I do".
It's really weird because we both know that we're not each other's usual type. She even said it her self that I'm not her usual type but she doesn't know why she likes me.

So ladies, what's with the confusion coming from her? I'm really torn whether I should keep pursuing this or just let it loose. As you can tel, I care and like her to a point where this actually bothers me.

Thanks again.

[girl68]

Yep you give and she gives nothing back. She doesn't like you she likes be spoiled by you. My bet soon and much to your surprise she'll have a full time boyfriend and it won't be you.

[smackie9]

Honestly, I'm starting to see only the negative. I can't explain to my self why I like her. It's weird. She even admitted that she isn't that nice.

She offered that she can make me stop liking her. I asked her if that's what she wanted and she answered "no but I can if that's what you want".

Thank you so much for your comments and support. I appreciate every single one of them. It's always good to see perspective from others.

We desire more what we can't have, and that's what happening to you. Just let her go. There will always be someone else there for you down the road....but you will never find them if you keep wasting your time on this kind of garbage.

[useless]

Thanks so much girl68 and smackie9! I needed that slap in the face.

It's true. I don't know why I'm worrying about this so much. I guess the fact that I care and spend my time figuring this out made me realize that I do like her (I'm not usually like this, I'd just move on easily).

The funny part is that she claimed that she doesn't like being "spoiled" by me and she thinks i"m being stupid by spoiling her, yet she'd tell me and hint me if she needs/wants something. I really don't get girls.

And smackie9 - thank you so much for what you said. It's true. I won't be wasting my time with her anymore. I'm tired of the BS. There are a lot more girls out there.