Future Relationship Advice.........Help

[Awesome-O-5000]

Okay so this is my dilemma, I recently got out of a relationship which was for the best because it was a waste of my time, money, and emotions. I ended up finding out things about my GF (from other people) that disgusted me and actually were the deal breakers for me. For instance….I found out that…

1. She lost her virginity at 13…(not only is it too young but also a deal breaker for me because I’m still a proud virgin at 19 going on 20)

2. My track and field buddies started placing bets on how long it would take me to get into her pants…(RED flag, as well as some of them were telling stories about how they banged her)

3. She has been with and or had 10+ different guys in her, maybe more from what I could come up with.

4. I was also told by a friend that she had sex with a dude in the school theatre…(asked her about it and got no answer)

5. So from what you just read you can probably tell I am not looking for someone who is “used” because I am not (no offense).

So like any relationship it all started out well, I hinted to her that I was a virgin which she was fine with (of course what girl wouldn’t want to take a V-Card) and I told her that sex was out of the picture, not because of religious reasons but because I didn’t want to, do to the fact that everyone out there was F#&n around and I didn’t want to be part of it….so she was okay with it, probably thinking I was kidding.

A month passes and she finally got it to her head I was serious about my decision (she tried her moves, invited me over to her house…..the whole 9 yards). (this is when I started finding out about her past sadly from other people and not from her, I did try to talk to her about past partners but she laughed it off and said things like “you’re the only one for me,” “you’re my only partner now” and other bull, just so she wouldn’t have to answer the question. After finding out about #1-4 I didn’t even want to hold her hand)

Another month passes, well to sum it all up….she ended up calling it quits through a text message (face to face would have been better) saying that “I have never dated a guy like you before, most guys I’m with he is probably “doing things” to me and I’m going things to him in the first week of our relationship or even doing “it”………and of course the lets be friends”

So ya, you see my dilemma.

Recently I’ve found a girl that I like, and she likes me back. So my question would be should I tell her that I am not looking to date a girl that has had a sexual partners, and a few of my other deal breakers before we get into a relationship or should I wait and tell her later on. I just don’t want to get attached to someone again and go through that same sh!t all over again, aw well as put in the time and effort into starting a relationship that will fail, and last but not least the last thing I want to do is spend money on a girl that will have to hit the road eventually.

So…..should I take her aside after class and tell her that…“Hey (girl’s name) before we get into a relationship I would like you to know that I am a virgin, so if we were to start dating sex would be off the table. Not because there is something wrong with me down stairs, or anything related to religion, its just because I choose to wait till I get married, unfortunately for this relationship to even start you must also be a virgin otherwise I just don’t see it going anywhere”…etc etc.

So what should I do? From the girl’s perspective would you rather have a guy tell you up front what he wants/expects out of a relationship (like my take her aside idea), so you and he knows in advance if it’s doomed to fail? If there are guys that have already done this I’d like your input as well, and how it went (if you’re reading it). And most importantly if there are any girls/women/ladies that can help me out I would appreciate it.

-Well thanks in advance for reading this and helping me out, I know it’s a bit long but I never really talked about this with anyone else (I keep things to myself). So this is my way of venting, as well as getting help/advice and if you have any questions I will be happy to answer them.

[bloodtippedrose]

I feel your pain with the 'used' gf. Im all for having sex but at such a young age is pretty disgusting and even more so that other guys talk about doing her.. I wouldn't want to be one of her tally marks either.

Crossing off all non-virgins is kind of harsh at 20 years of age, but its understandable to have a chance to have someone that your can explore each others bodies at your own paces. If I were you I would tell the gal upfront so you don't waste either her time or yours. When I first met my bf he pulled me aside and said "listen I know we just met but I know I couldnt stand being pushed in the friend zone, its either a relationship or nothing.." I was blown away and flattered at his honesty and we've been dating for three years now. If I had no intention of dating him then it would have been a waste of our time to just play the cat and mouse flirting friends game. Same situation with you. Lay your cards out on the table early.

[Horseyguy]

"the last thing I want to do is spend money on a girl that will have to hit the road eventually."

Not sure what to say about that

[Superfantastich]

You arn't exactly a whore if you have had a sexual partner by this age. She was an extreme example but if a virgin is what you are looking for I seconds everyone else, be strightforward and be sure the girl knows that you are not changing your mind

[surfhb]

First of all...you are a complete jackass!! I can guarantee all the rumors you heard are false or greatly exaggerated. My God! Sex in a theater ! That whore! LOL

Seriously Bro...Do you have a vagina? What kind of man doesn't want to have sex just because "everyone is doing it and you dont want to be apart of it" Are you ****ing Kidding! LOL I'm pretty sure you'll find most women want a man which is why she dumped you. That girl deserves soooo much better than you.

I say you should print out this thread and keep it in a sealed envelope. Someday, when youve moved out of your parents house and become a real man, you can read it and say to yourself - "Wow...was that really me" ?? !! Because in 10 or 15 years you will read this thread and be completely embarrassed of what you just wrote at the top....I gauren-Fucckkingg-tee you!!

Regardless, I think your only option is to date someone and slowly find out if they are a virgin or not. Shouldn't take very long to gauge that in a person.

[Awesome-O-5000]

First of all...you are a complete jackass!! I can guarantee all the rumors you heard are false or greatly exaggerated. My God! Sex in a theater ! That whore! LOL

Seriously Bro...Do you have a vagina? What kind of man doesn't want to have sex just because "everyone is doing it and you dont want to be apart of it" Are you ****ing Kidding! LOL I'm pretty sure you'll find most women want a man which is why she dumped you. That girl deserves soooo much better than you.

I say you should print out this thread and keep it in a sealed envelope. Someday, when youve moved out of your parents house and become a real man, you can read it and say to yourself - "Wow...was that really me" ?? !! Because in 10 or 15 years you will read this thread and be completely embarrassed of what you just wrote at the top....I gauren-Fucckkingg-tee you!!

Regardless, I think your only option is to date someone and slowly find out if they are a virgin or not. Shouldn't take very long to gauge that in a person.

Hey surfhd, first off thanks for the response. As far as me being a jackass because I'm looking out for myself then okay fine I'm a jackass, as for the rumors, they were true I don't know the full tory about the threatre but from knowing the girl it's probably true.

.....and sure she deserves someone who can provide her with all her sexual needs and all that stuff, I give you that and you are right, but at the same time I also deserve someone who hasn’t been springing around the block. And no I don’t have a vagina, I just tend to think with the bigger head thats on top of my shoulders.

[Awesome-O-5000]

Bloodtippedrose thanks for your response I really appreciate it....glad that things worked out for you.

[surfhb]

Wow! You are, what I refer to as, a Beta Male!!!

[bloodtippedrose]

Wow! You are, what I refer to as, a Beta Male!!!

I'm guessing that's because you were being unnecessarily mean to him and he took it like a man and thanked you for your insight?

[surfhb]

BS! The guy passes judgment on some girl who liked him all because he's hung up on some weird " I'm saving myself for the one" trip!! Bizzarre!!

[MerryH]

OP, You're really coming across as very self-righteous here. You've got some strange opinions, which is your right, of course, but a lot of them are pretty flawed and narrow-minded. That's not going to work in your favor in future relationships.

Like, why is the money thing such an issue? You brought it up twice. Whatever money you spend is for entertainment only. You're not purchasing a girl, so you don't get to feel ripped off when it turns out she's not right for you.

It's fine that you only want to date virgins (silly and unrealistic in my opinion, but whatever.) But you should really let go of this attitude that sex is just so trendy and you're just way too good for it, and that people are "used" and bad and wrong if they've had sex before. You shouldn't judge others by these arbitrary standards you've set for yourself.

But yeah, you should definitely be up front about this with any potential girlfriends.

[Awesome-O-5000]

OP, You're really coming across as very self-righteous here. You've got some strange opinions, which is your right, of course, but a lot of them are pretty flawed and narrow-minded. That's not going to work in your favor in future relationships.

Like, why is the money thing such an issue? You brought it up twice. Whatever money you spend is for entertainment only. You're not purchasing a girl, so you don't get to feel ripped off when it turns out she's not right for you.

It's fine that you only want to date virgins (silly and unrealistic in my opinion, but whatever.) But you should really let go of this attitude that sex is just so trendy and you're just way too good for it, and that people are "used" and bad and wrong if they've had sex before. You shouldn't judge others by these arbitrary standards you've set for yourself.

But yeah, you should definitely be up front about this with any potential girlfriends.

MerryH thanks for your response......I had a few questions how are my opinions flawed and narrow-minded?

I didn't mean to come off as to say that people are bad and wrong if they had sex before, quite frankly I can care less about what others do. Just not in my court

As far as the money, come on guys have to buy all the stuff now a days. For example I went on a date with this girl; I come to pick her up she walks out without a purse just with the clothes on her back. So you see guys are expected to pay, what if the date went to sh!t (which it didn't) and she needed to get out of there fast, well there’s a problem she can call and wait for her friend, or get a cab.......but no money. (or do I pay for the cab as well?) LOL

[bloodtippedrose]

BS! The guy passes judgment on some girl who liked him all because he's hung up on some weird " I'm saving myself for the one" trip!! Bizzarre!!

I'm not saying he is correct, but it's completely unnecessary to call him a jackass, say she deserved better and that one day he'll become a 'real' man. That is really uncalled for. You could have expressed your point of view without being so mean.