thinking about ending it with her

[dcuz59]

I would really like to hear what you all have to say or think about my situation.

i have been with this chick for about a year now, i have known her for 4-5 years we first were just doing the whole benefit thing and just friends. something had happened and we decided to part away at that time. fast forward to about a year ago we kinda started talking again, later on it grew on us so we started to date and be serious. now after a year of dating i have found out that she had slept with a buddy of mine (at the time) in between the our 2 dating sessions. i really didnt like the fact that this information was kept from me for this long.

what are your thoughts in a situation like this?

[falnangel]

The two of you weren't together then- is it really any of your business what she does?
Would it be any of her business what you were up to when you weren't with her?

You say you no longer are buddies with this guy, is she still in communication with him?

If she isn't, why care? Really, I wouldn't let this affect the relationship right now.

[dcuz59]

i am not completely cut off from him... he is still in my circle of friends and i do see him here and there. i have not brought it up to him at all... i guess where i am going with this is, if it took her this long to tell me that could there be other things that i dont know? also before we got serious recently i had asked if she had been with anyone during our off time (not that it was really my business but doesnt hurt to know) .. she had replied with a confident "NO" ... but that all changed

[falnangel]

Ooh, okay, so the story changes.

I definitely don't support her straightforward lying.

Have you brought this up with her yet? (The fact that you know)

I still wouldn't let this become a deal breaker for the relationship, that is, if this is all she is hiding.

[dcuz59]

yes i did bring it up to her.... she gave me the "i didnt know how to tell you, i was scared" story.... but who's to say that if i continue dating her other things dont surface?

[falnangel]

As long as these are things that happened outside of your relationship (time period) then I would just leave it be, and not even bother with wanting to know.

Just make it clear to her that you want to move forward with the relationship with a clean slate, and to be open about everything.

Remind her that it's all about building trust, and the more upfront the two of you are at the beginning, the better the relationship will be in the long run.