What am I doing wrong?

[foolwithacause]

I've never had any luck with girls. I feel like I'm pretty easy to get along with, I don't think I'm the ugliest guy around, and I crack some good jokes now and then. That being said, why don't people want to be around me, girls in particular? I've tried to start dating for about 5 years now. I'll find a girl I like, get to know her a little bit, ask her out, and get rejected every time. There was a girl I was with for about 3 weeks a few years ago, but it turns out she was just using me to make an ex-boyfriend jealous. Since then, I tried online dating, and I only got one response from the girls in my area that I found interesting. That date was awful. I tried to keep things entertaining, and she was monotone and boring the entire night. Recently, I'd been meeting up to do homework for a high-level class with this girl that I've worked with for about three years now. I grew to like her, and I asked her to a movie. She said yes.

This normally doesn't happen. I can't recall how many girls I've asked out, but this is the first one that said yes. I was nervous until the date actually started, and then I felt like the picture of confidence. It seemed to go really well. I had a really busy week, and so did she, then the weekend came and she was all excuses as to why she couldn't meet up with me for a second date. I tried planning something for this upcoming week, and she essentially said she's busy for the rest of the semester. I've been shot down enough times to know that she means she really doesn't want to go out with me again. What the hell is wrong with me? I've been told that if I play the numbers game, eventually I'll find a girl who's interested, but it isn't happening. On top of that, all of my housemates are in relationships, and so I never see them, since their significant others are always around. My work friends don't call me to hang out with them even though they all hang out amongst themselves. Am I a human being repellent?

[confused lisa]

I have a few thoughts that may be totally off base, but I'll share them with you in hopes that they may help. My comments come from the fact that I have friends who I have heard similar things from.
First, do you frequently talk about your singleness? People may be tired of hearing about it...try to bring more hobbies into your life and change your focus from being single by staying busy.
Does it bother you or make you sad, and you share this? You may be seen as a downer or broken record and actually be repelling others. You can truly be the greatest person but being around you can feel like a chore to those who have spent more than a day with with you if you're doing this.
Do you tend to make friends with girls before asking them on dates? There is a fine line between friends and dates. You have to show interest by asking for dates early on or you miss the window in most cases. The only way to avoid that it to maintain a slight tension and flirtatious relationship with a girl who is a friend. You want to always leave her wondering if maybe you like her more than you are letting on while you get to know her without dating. But, asking for dates and letting your interest be know right away is your best bet.

I hope that it gets better for you and would be happy to offer more thoughts if you tell me if I'm completely off base here :-)

[foolwithacause]

There's one or two friends that I do vent to a lot, but no one else; definitely not girls I'm interested in dating. The reason I'm on this forum is because I'm trying not to be a burden to anyone else. I do tend to make friends with girls before asking them on dates, because usually I'm almost always not interested in dating them until I find out that we have something in common. I'm pretty much a big nerd, so finding a girl that I share a common interest in is hard to do without talking with them at length. As for this girl, she had been a casual acquaintance for three years before we started spending more time together this semester. I have my hobbies, but they're all very inside hobbies: computers, video games, movies, etc. I've tried to diversify, but I honestly can't find anything else for me. I can socialize well, if only given the opportunity to be invited to a social place (disclaimer: I'm not good with large crowds of strangers, but if I know a few people there, I do well socially).

[leoben]

Your lack of aggressiveness might be a turn off, but I don't think it totally explains your troubles.

Can you post a picture or link/copy paste your dating profile here?

[Rhea]

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[confused lisa]

I would suggest things as simple as spending more time in coffee shop, cafes or book stores so that you aren't doing things out of character for you. That's good that you are not focusing in this in your conversations with others. I feel like you would be much better off if you look at dating as a way to get to know someone that you find attractive. Many dates turn out to be only friendships and many let you know that you don't want to get to know this person any more, but it lets the girl know in the beginning that there is some romantic interest there. There's a huge difference in "wanna meet up for coffee sometime" and "would you let me take you to coffee sometime", at least in a girls brain. My other thought is for you to go to gatherings of people that share your interests. I know that we just had an awesome Comicon in my area this weekend and there a lot of opportunities for gamers to get together. I wish you well and hope this helps.