What is really fair?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You must of had some sex at some point and now knowing that your wif is tired maybe a vacation for you 2

Brilliant idea...but who's going to look after the 7 kids?

[sadie_genie]

I wouldn't even be able to get myself turn on if the guy doesn't take the effort to romance me.

[sadie_genie]

It sounds like you are two are caught with the routines of everyday life so she doesn't remember she is suppose to please you. Sometimes, people become lazy when they settle down. Just talk to her about your concerns.

[ammi00]

Oh my... you're only 32? And what's up with her mysterious past?
I had a feeling that she doesn't feel wanted as a woman. I think that's her problem (more or less). But on the other side, wasn't she the one who wanted (more) kids? Isn't she the one who rejects you?
You both have some problems, and I don't think they'll ever disappear just like that. It's not easy for either of you (I imagine is hard for you too to financially support 9 people; and not having sex for a couple of months isn't normal). Eventually, you'll both need to change something. Have you thought about therapy? I don't think that's such a bad idea. I'd rather invest in therapy instead of expensive dinners & stuff.
A vacation would be a good idea, but not in this moment. Probably you'll take her there, but she'll act the same. You can't change your feelings in a week. And when you'd come back, the situation would go back to normal.
Do you have any relatives that could take care of the kids? How old are they (your kids)? What if your wife would work too? She could go to work, earn some money, and maybe use that money for herself or for the kids.

[ammi00]

Not everyone has a great life, but it seems that at one point she started to recover and her situation definitely got better (from what I understand). Should I understand that not all of the kids are yours? And another question I have (I'm not trying to be rude) - but how did you end up having so many kids? Have you always had a good financial situation she knew all of you can rely on/ it's a religion thingie/ it's something psychological etc.?
I always say that in a couple it takes two to make things work, or to ruin 'em. Don't put it like "my needs will become as important as hers" - because it's not fair for you. You have some needs that are completely normal. The problem is not your needs - I think it is the way you both approach the situation. You can't go on like this.
I mantain my idea that therapy would be very good, and together with a counselor I'm sure you'll both find some ways of dealing with your problems and make it work. Have "that discussion" with her asap - I recommend you a soft approach: rather than blaming her for everything, you could tell her that something's not fine, that you are willing to invest further in this relationship, but this (the relationship) should be enjoyable and pleasurable for both of you, NOT a reason to be stressed, depressed or unhappy.
Now... if she's not willing to accept any solution, if she won't be open - I think it's obvious that she really doesn't want to make things better. Some other thing that has crossed my mind: is it possible that she's depressive? That might her feel trapped and doomed.
Oh - and something else I forgot about: what's her calification? I mean, what could she work? Probably she doesn't want to go from being a housewife to a waitress (just saying).

[ammi00]

Thanks for answering. I stick to my opinion: some therapy will help you.
Good luck

[Vampyria]

Hey this is Regnents wife.

When i try to wake him up for sex he ignores me. It is when he wants sex and he jumps me while i am sleeping and I let him. No forplay no O's for me.

He also refuses to hold my hand in public, hug me or kiss me. Anytime I try to be romantic he shoots down anything I say.

He removes my safety in our marriage, and makes me feel small and like trash. He says he wants children and then when i am pregnant he allows other people to create issues so that he takes it out on me till the point I am unable to have sex with him and consider aborting our baby. SHould a man do that and yet want that wife no.

[Bo]

Hey this is Regnents wife.

When i try to wake him up for sex he ignores me. It is when he wants sex and he jumps me while i am sleeping and I let him. No forplay no O's for me.

He also refuses to hold my hand in public, hug me or kiss me. Anytime I try to be romantic he shoots down anything I say.

He removes my safety in our marriage, and makes me feel small and like trash. He says he wants children and then when i am pregnant he allows other people to create issues so that he takes it out on me till the point I am unable to have sex with him and consider aborting our baby. SHould a man do that and yet want that wife no.

uh oh, this is about to get intense!!

Definitely the romance thing is a big deal, men take about 5 minutes to get worked up. For women it's what happened the last 24 hours that's the deciding factor. I know if i've been feeling super stressed, i need some romancing.

[misombra]

Anytime I hear a guy say his womqn won't give it up I assume he's not doing it right.

[Yet another guy]

When i try to wake him up for sex he ignores me. It is when he wants sex and he jumps me while i am sleeping and I let him.

Why on earth do you guys try to wake each other for sex? Why not do it while both of you are awake?

[Vampyria]

He is unapproachable and a girls got needs too. He lays down and hes out within seconds doesnt matter if someone is screaming in his ear. I need forplay, passion ect. I would like to have a connection so i could enjoy myself. He jumps me when I am sleeping I think to aviod it. I dont think sex has anything to do with me or my needs just him getting his rocks off which he has stated over and over and blamed me for not wanting to be a blow up doll.

[Yet another guy]

I still don't understand why can't you initiate sex while he's awake. How is he unapproachable? Have you talked to him about your needs? Maybe you should take more control if you think there's not enough foreplay. How does jumping you while sleeping enable him to avoid passion and foreplay? I find it hard to believe that he stated over and over that sex has nothing to do with your needs. Maybe you misunderstood. What were his exact words?

[Boisdevie]

Therapy, counselling or D.I.V.O.R.C.E

[Vampyria]

Read his other posts. Read all the 12 posts I made in reply. You get the true picture pretty fast.

[Vampyria]

Love to but as hes posted he has no money to do anything that could make our relationship better counciling is alot more then a 50 dollar meal. And ya divorce, thinking about it, course he stated tonight he jsut quit his job so he wouldnt have to pay.