question for the ladies

[robert allen]

so ive posted my latest relationship misfortune on here but still remain stuck on this. i have been in love with this girl for 6 years. we broke up after dating 2 years and she ended up pregnant by some full blown loser. after she had the baby the father bailed and is a convenience father at best, doesnt pay child support and doesnt do anything else. ever since the day we broke up i wouldve done anything to get her back, ive told her this and ive done everything under the sun to try and get her back. you name, ive done it-literally. every single thing she wants i buy, i take her places, give her money, take her out to eat, play with her son, but him stuff, im there for her when she needs someone, i go the extra miles, the list goes on and on. i have probably spent 25k on this girl and i am 22 years old. i am by no means perfect but here is the reality of the situation. she is a single mother with no friends, a deadbeat job, and lives in a shit area. her son has no father taking care of him or father figure to raise him and teach him how to be a man and do the things we do. she has to work every day and pick up every shift she can working at applebees just to barely get by. she knows me, we have history together, and she knows i love everything about her and am ready to step in and shoulder the responsibility of being her sons dad. for my age i make good money, definitely enough to support the three of us. so the question is why wont she take me back? she says she loves me all the time and shes sorry for doing me wrong in the past and that leaving me was the biggest mistake of her life(that was word for word what she said). whats the problem? shes broke, lonely and single and her kid has no dad who gives a rats ass. what girl wouldnt kill to be in her position? keep in mind i am a good guy, i am not one of these scum bags that just wants a piece of ass for the weekend, and she knows it. is she an idiot or am i doing something wrong?

[bloodtippedrose]

You let yourself get completely walked on. Seriously what else can she do that you'd let her get away with? No woman on earth wants to date a guy that lets himself get walked all over. Why do you want to be with this girl so badly? What has she done for you? Throwing money at a broken relationship does not fix it. Her heart is not there. Stop spending so much money on this or ANY girl and instead focus on making your own life more rewarding. And for god sake get a backbone and standup for when you get hurt! You can't say that it wasnt painful for her to get pregnant with someone else! You should have told her how much it hurt, then NOT stand for it by walking away. That would have showed you are strong and strong-willed. She would have been so much more attracted to you and you would have felt better. Instead you tear yourself up and focus on the wrong woman. Even if she did accept being with you, for financial reasons only, the relationship would fail because shes not in love with you, thats why it didnt work out in the first place. Stop letting yourself get treated like crap! If you continue to go for this girl then you're doing it to yourself and you'll have to learn the hard way.

[MerryH]

whats the problem? shes broke, lonely and single and her kid has no dad who gives a rats ass. what girl wouldnt kill to be in her position? keep in mind i am a good guy, i am not one of these scum bags that just wants a piece of ass for the weekend, and she knows it. is she an idiot or am i doing something wrong?

What's your problem? You think she should just be happy she has some guy spending money on her and "treating her well" and that because of that she's an idiot not to marry you or whatever? Because of course, look at how trashy she is and then look at what a great ****ing catch you are. What girl wouldn't latch on to that no matter how she truly feels about the guy! I mean, how dare she not find you suitable after you've spent so much time and money on her! GOD, what an idiot!

**** you, man. You are one of those scumbags.

[Jolicoeur]

**** you, man. You are one of those scumbags.

I'm a guy, so I know I'm kind of intruding here. But can I ask a follow-up question?

Why is Robert Allen (OP) a scumbag for loving too much? I agree that it's not very smart to spend so much $$ on a lost cause. But what makes girls (or women) scare away from a guy on his knees? What exactly is it that desperation repels? Because what else shows more good-meaning than this kind of, admittingly stupid, behavior?

You know, it is very hard to treat a girl one is attracted to by ignoring her. To me this is very counter-intuitive. And it feels insulting that the kind of girls we mean well for, flock to the arms of bad guys with rotten souls.

[sookie6]

It's possible she is fully aware of having made a huge mistake with the other guy...ended up with a baby and financial worries...she has now the possiblity of entering a relationship with you...but if she is not sure of her feelings for you then she must be extremely worried of taking another chance with someone she 'broke up ' with in the first place...bear in mind that when people break up it's usually because hteir feelings are not strong enough...

she is doing you a favour by keeping a step back...she might need space and time to do her own growing up...with a bit of chance she now wants to get herself together and fix her life and problems on her own rather than asking someone else.

[Boisdevie]

Look, if she doesn't want you then SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU. You are young so why not find somebody nice instead of some stupid woman who got pregnant to a loser?

[MerryH]

Why is Robert Allen (OP) a scumbag for loving too much?

I used the word scumbag in the same way that he used the word. He said, "keep in mind i am a good guy, i am not one of these scum bags that just wants a piece of ass for the weekend, and she knows it."

A scumbag who wants a piece of ass for the weekend uses manipulation and strategy to "win" a girl. The OP is attempting manipulation and strategy to "win" this girl. The only difference is that the OP wants her for longer than a weekend. And his whole attitude was kind of like "I am so much better than her and I do all these things for her so I'm entitled to her affection and she is wrong and possibly an idiot for not wanting a GOOD GUY like me."

I see this attitude all the time on here and it just irks me. Girls are allowed not to like you, whether or not there's a good reason for it. You are not owed their affection, no matter what you do to try to earn it. You can't feel cheated or resentful about it.

[sookie6]

I see this attitude all the time on here and it just irks me. Girls are allowed not to like you, whether or not there's a good reason for it. You are not owed their affection, no matter what you do to try to earn it. You can't feel cheated or resentful about it.

This is very true and also works for men...

[robert allen]

all good points and i appreciate them, its just where i come from most single mothers latch on to the first financial lifeline they come across by getting pregnant again and married. two good friends of mine have done that exactly. i realize ive gone way overboard with all the money spending and gift giving but its water under the bridge and i cant get it back so might as well get over it. all of that stopped months ago when i told her i either wanted it all or nothing and she failed to give me a conclusive answer i took it as a no and stopped putting any effort into whatever was left of our friendship/relationship. she still texts me wanting to hang out just as before but ive held my ground and told her its not a good idea.

[warriormaiden]

So, you're saying every single mother whose having a rough time out there latches on to a man who they think can support them, so this chick might as well do the same?
I really don't want to attack you, so I'm just gonna give you the benefit of a doubt.

The last thing she needs right now is a relationship. She has a child, she's trying to make ends meet, everything is running on chaos in her life at the moment. She's better off on her own, and if I were you, I would leave her be and stop being so needy by throwing cash and gifts at her.

[robert allen]

ok i may have exaggerated a little bit but honestly i have done that and she continues to text me wanting to hang out. she has never been the type to say whats on her mind, she always likes to give hints and clues and expects me to figure it out, and in case no one noticed i am not at all good at this relationship thing- hence this thread lol

[MerryH]

i took it as a no and stopped putting any effort into whatever was left of our friendship/relationship. she still texts me wanting to hang out just as before but ive held my ground and told her its not a good idea.

I think you're doing the right thing. It really sucks that it didn't work out, but that's how it goes sometimes. Good luck moving forward.

[robert allen]

^^ i think so too, but if shes so over it and has no feelings why does she continually text me trying to make conversation and hang out? especially knowing how i feel and my intentions this whole time?