*I HAVE A GOOD DEAL OF REPLIES ON HERE ALREADY, but i still want and need more opinions! I will listen!!! please leave your two cents no matter how brutal!! thank you***
PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!
I met the man of my dreams 3 months ago. I was the girl of his dreams too and things were magic, blissful, amazing intense…….when we weren’t fighting over his ex girlfriend, that is.
They are best friends. Dated for 2 years but the relationship was sexless after 3 months. It’s been two years since she moved out, but I just found out that they were only apart for 2 weeks before resuming being best friends and hanging out 3 or 4 times a week…! Does anyone not agree that they never broke up? Only thing different is not having sex or living together.
His seeing her never cut into my time with him. He told me often he cancelled plans with her for me, but I was bothered that they had such frequent plans at all!
Then, I would call him, he would be his normal self on the phone but would be “oh, having lunch with HER” (don’t even want to type her name, I hear it enough). Any time we were apart and I called him, it seemed he was “helping HER shop for a spring coat”, “on my way to pick HER up to drive her home”, “fixing HER car”.
I have seen them interact, have met her, he and I have gone on a few double dates with her and a guy she was seeing (they broke up, unsurprisingly). I know there is nothing sexual there, but I told him it’s inappropriate to be hanging out with his ex more often than me and being at her apartment late at night “comforting” her. She has social anxiety, depression, family issues, you name it.
At the beginning of our relationship, he adamantly refused to alter his relationship with her in any way because he didn’t want to “desert” her. Apparently she helped him through a tough time in his life. We broke up and got back together several times over this.
Now after three months, I sent her an email a few days ago telling her that if she truly wants him to be happy, they need to loosen up, letting her know our breakup is not her fault as he makes his own decisions, wishing her the best with her family and telling her I hope they figure things out with each other before either of them hurts someone else again.
I sent him an email telling him it was over and why. All this time he had me convinced that I was being old fashioned, jealous and unreasonable in requesting that he not have late night one on ones and spend the majority of his week with his ex.
Next thing I know, he is begging for me back. Telling me she said she’d back off, admitted that she was codependent on him and that he felt guilty and responsible for her, and that she said it was sad because I made him so happy.
He admitted that I was right all along and he couldn’t believe how blind and in denial he was.
He told me he wants me to be his number one and will do what it takes to change it, including hanging out with her much less than before.
He said he doesn’t want to lose me because of her. He didn’t realize what he was doing before but now he does and will set it right.
I said if he want to change and is willing to do it, not for me, but for himself, I will. He said yes, he’s wanted out for a while and didn’t know how.
I told him talk is cheap and when he has accomplished this, we’ll get back together.
He doesn’t have many friends (she has none) and says if I leave him, it will make it too hard for him to hang out with her less. He also doesn’t know what to do because he thinks something bad will happen to her if he “breaks up” with her.
I believe his conviction and I the good has outweighed the bad in this relationship. I still want him.
What should I do???????!!!
He admits to me that she will probably be sad for the rest of her life and that he feels responsible for her happiness…… Am I the only one who sees what those two statements add up to…??