Hey,
So, this is my first time here..and my first time on any forum about..online relationships..or relationships of any kind..I'm normally a loner..and I liked it that way..I liked being able to just..do what I wanted..and be recless..and not have a care in the world..I did it my whole life..but..three months ago..to the day..I met a girl online..It was through eHarmony..I had joined as a joke really..to see how many people around my area were single..and whatever..but..I got matched with a woman from Texas(I'm from Canada)
This woman..(she's turning 20) captivated me..her picture..her eyes..they just..I dunno..they made my heart feel weird..I'd never felt anything like it before..I sent her a request for communication..and three days later you requested to e-mail and skip everything else..so I agreed. We talked about..a lot of things..our biggest fears..and found out..we both had a fear that we would be infertile (No reason we would be..but the fear is there) Anyway..after we found out about that..I had to leave for a couple days so I asked if she wanted to start e-mailing with our real e-mails and not the eHarmony mail..she agreed..
We emailed..so much..enough where we could have written a book..and..that was just in four or five days..then she found me on facebook and added me as a friend..I accepted..and wrote on her wall..which in turn..ended up having a total of 3,700 comments just of us taling back and fourth for 6 days..After that I asked for her cell number so we could text while I was away from my laptop for the weekend. She said she loved the idea! And would rather text message anyway..it was easier since she's busy a lot of the time..
We talked every day..and two weeks ago we started using skype..then..everytime we had to hang up..one of us was heartbroken..so I came up with the idea..of keeping skype on while we slept..so we could hear eachothers breathing..she was delighted..When I first heard her breathing deeply..I couldn't help but to cry softly..it was beautiful..she was so peaceful..When I told her about it..she laughed..and said she did the same thing when she heard me for the first time..
This past tuesday..she told me (I forgot to mention..we both swore to each other that we would never lie to one another) that she felt attracted to her ex..I was a bit mad at this..but got over it..then on Friday..she told me she wanted distance..that she loved me so much..and wanted me..but..she also found herself wanting her ex as well.
Her ex left her for another woman back in November, when I found out about this..I confronted her..and asked if that meant I was the rebound..she exclaimed that I wasn't not even close..So I dropped it..
So..the real problem now is..I try to give her distance..I didn't contact her for awhile..she posted on my wall..then..after awhile..I texted her saying..I was sorry for whatever I did..she said I did nothing.."I'm just really very confused"
I said I wish she wasn't..and that no matter what I loved her and I would wait.
Now..I just found out her eleven year old brother is in the hospital..and she wanted a distraction..I asked what was wrong..she said she isn't allowed to know..and that she is in the waiting room..then she deleted the status..I looked at her wall..and one of her friends (Whom I messaged earlier..explaining how I felt about my girlfriend, because this friend was telling my girlfriend..to stay away, because she had "experience") wrote on my girlfriends wall saying this "Stage 5 clinger"
I got mad..and sent My girlfriend a message saying..:
I shouldn't have commented at all..now that I se The good friend Natalie thinks I'm a god damned clingy infant..so I'll just not go near you whatsoever wouldn't want anyone else to think the same thing.
I'm sorry for not wanting to lose the one good thing in my life. I sincerely hope your brother is ok..and I want to comfort you but I know I can't and now..if I try your friend will think I'm a little b*tch..so I'm just going to be done for good until you're up to talking..I'm sorry for being rude but people like that pee me off.
If we can't be lovers..I want to at least be friends..if you can manage..I'm not clingy I just don't want to lose the best thing that ever happened to me. Maybe that's selfish and clingy..if it is..I don't care. Again..I'm sorry..I just get mad when people like that....Grr..I'm sorry..Ok..I swear I'm done. I'm going to hide you from my news feed so I don't see your posts and get tempted to comment Sorry again!
She never responded..I'm worried it's because of her brother.. I consider her family mine and she's the same with my family..
I just..I never used to get emotional..but with her..I was allowed to show her my soft side..something..no one has ever seen..today..I never got out of bed..I actually..really cried..almost all day..I've barely shed a tear before this..I'm 22 years old..I haven't eaten..and the one thing I did eat..I ended up throwing up..I just don't know what to do..Do I wait for her..give her distance..stay away..??? Or..do I forget her and move on..??
I just need to know..
Thanks in advance..I appreciate it..sorry for the looong post..
EDIT: I forgot to mention..She gave me her facebook login info two-three weeks ago...today..she changed it She also replied back saying: Its ok. their drawing blood now to see whats wrong