Girlfriend Dated Older Guys

[smackie9]

Smackie, would you recommend holding off with sleeping with her? I feel that I need to develop a higher level of comfort with her, knowing for certain she is interested in staying with me. Perhaps that would levitate my anxiety.

Sure holding off for a bit will probably work......just let her know you would like to slow things down....don't leave her in the dark about that because she will think there is something wrong with her or you have lost interest.

[IndigoGal]

If she wanted to be with an older guy, or another guy, she would be. Obviously since she broke of a relationship with you before she would make that choice again. Guys I've seen have been hung up on my past before too. Ultimately it comes down to either believing that she knows what she wants, and it is you, or not believing that. It sounds to me like you're concerned that you don't see/feel more emotion from her, especially when you are intimate with her. Maybe she is holding back more than you, or any one of a million other things. Are you really hung up on her past, or do you doubt her feelings for you?

As a woman who has dated men of many ages, I can tell you that it was because age wasn't a factor for me so much as the person I was connecting to. If the same is true of her, *she* isn't hung up on ages, she just likes you, and doesn't care how old you are.

[Eianrocks]

A similar thing is the case with my girlfriend, she was with a much older guy than i am and that pissed me off at first when i learned about that but after thinking it just sorta made me feel insecure, and made me feel that im not what she wanted in the first place and on and on and on. So i put the issue in the back of my mind and went about my life with her. And after awhile of talking to her about our relationship i realized that theres a reason shes with me, its cause she wants to be with me, she really likes me, not that other guy and that she is with me right now, so i realized that me feeling all those negative things was truly pointless and makes no sensse to feel in the first place. Same with you, shes with you now. She tells you that your the one for her (provided you dont screw it up) and the guys before you dont matter, even if in your mind they are better than you, older or more experianced or even if she wanted them really badly none of it matters cause shes with you. And you have to appreciate that for what it is. And appreciate her.

[josette]

That's where you're wrong Vincenzo. In 10 years she's going to want a young, inexperienced boy to take under her wing and crack the whip on. She likes the "teacher/student" type of dynamic.

Well, I've always dated older men, from 5 to 10 years older, though 10 years is the cut-off. I honestly don't see myself dating a younger one when I'm older.

[smackie9]

I prefer younger yummmm! I'm such a cougar lol!

[HeartIsAching]

OR you just do not like that I am not falling 100% in line with what you are saying... "Once you identify the specific emotions, you'll have a much clearer idea of WHY you feel the way you do and will be on your way to accepting and embracing those emotions." I have done this. You want what emotions I'm claiming to have to be a facade, as if they are representing something deeper and more meaningful.... I have made clear how I feel, and why I feel that way. If you disagree, I'd like you to point out where I have not done this... I promise you, it will be difficult.

Please, remove yourself from this thread if this is your only course of discourse.

Hey, I was 23 and thought I knew everything once too.

[aenima326]

Hey, I was 23 and thought I knew everything once too.

Haha, so it is clear you are butt-hurt from an online conversation. Here are some emotional intelligence options you could chose from:

1) "I have to assert my dominance over people online, because it makes me feel better about myself"

2) "Any and all advice and opinions that I give are wholly accurate. They cannot, in any way, be partially right or wholly wrong, but only, and always, fully right."

3) "When I dont get my way, I degrade and insult others on an online forum, to insure I feel as if I am actually better than everyone else"

[HeartIsAching]

Haha, so it is clear you are butt-hurt from an online conversation. Here are some emotional intelligence options you could chose from:

1) "I have to assert my dominance over people online, because it makes me feel better about myself"

2) "Any and all advice and opinions that I give are wholly accurate. They cannot, in any way, be partially right or wholly wrong, but only, and always, fully right."

3) "When I dont get my way, I degrade and insult others on an online forum, to insure I feel as if I am actually better than everyone else"

Nope, not at all. I just think it's hilarious that you ask for help then decide that you already know it. Fine with me.

[aenima326]

If you re-read our conversation, it is clear I took your advice, but because I did not agree with you entirely, your throwing a temper-tantrum. It makes sense that you and your wife have a "near perfect relationship," she clearly doesn't have any say or option for her own opinion.

Perhaps this inferior 23 year old can teach you a few things.

[HeartIsAching]

If you re-read our conversation, it is clear I took your advice, but because I did not agree with you entirely, your throwing a temper-tantrum. It makes sense that you and your wife have a "near perfect relationship," she clearly doesn't have any say or option for her own opinion.

Perhaps this inferior 23 year old can teach you a few things.

Heh... Now that's funny! Wife'd belly-laugh if you said that to her.

I'm not throwing a temper tantrum. I simply don't care enough one way or the other. You're assuming far too much. I just find it amusing that you ask for advice, and when you get it (and not just from me) it's not what you want to do, so you whine that you want something different. When something different is offered, you whine again that it's not what you want. That's the sort of thing my six year old does. Don't take that the wrong way - I'm not saying you're on a level with my six year old.

Oh hell, take it wrong if you want to. I don't really care.

Perhaps we're mis-communicating. I do wish you all the luck, I hope it works out for you.

[aenima326]

Heh... Now that's funny! Wife'd belly-laugh if you said that to her.

I'm not throwing a temper tantrum. I simply don't care enough one way or the other. You're assuming far too much. I just find it amusing that you ask for advice, and when you get it (and not just from me) it's not what you want to do, so you whine that you want something different. When something different is offered, you whine again that it's not what you want. That's the sort of thing my six year old does. Don't take that the wrong way - I'm not saying you're on a level with my six year old.


Oh hell, take it wrong if you want to. I don't really care.

Perhaps we're mis-communicating. I do wish you all the luck, I hope it works out for you.

You don't care one way or another, yet you continue to award me with responses... This does not make sense.

At this point your just talking to argue. To prove this:

1) Since I am apparently "assuming far too much," which obviously denotes a large list of things, I would like for you to tell me what it is exactly I am "assuming". This should be interesting, but I am going to bet you won't.

2) Also, please show me where in my original post where I was asking someone to make a decision for me? I did not once ask for anyone on this forum to tell me what to do. Your failure to read is our only miscommunication. I made it clear I wish to stay with this girl, and was seeking advice as to how I could over come this. All you did was try and tell me how I already know how I feel. You gave my no advice, and you clearly didn't read my posts as I had made it clear how I felt. Simply because you conceal your emotions does not mean I do the same. I have a very high and acute emotional intelligence and awareness, and on more than once occasion expressed how I felt.

3) And I'm sorry, when did I "whine"? Now you are just throwing verbs around in some pathetic attempt to slander what has been a perfectly competent and successful conversation. When members were posting "choices of action" and highly generalized advice, I responded by thanking them for their advice and politely requesting they offer something more specific to help my choice to stay with this girl. Please, prove this otherwise.

I not only thanked you for your advice and the links, but I responded by reiterating my previous points of how I felt by using the links you gave me. Your response? Some snide and unwarranted remarks, followed by your montage of insults and continual expressions of my "inferior" nature in contrast to you. All this coming from a guy who "doesn't care either way."

Don't make it so easy to tear apart what your saying and pin your argument upside down by it's balls. You have nothing to warrant or legitimately defend your premise here. Do me a favor, if you "don't care," leave. I'm having a wonderful conversation without you, and all your doing right now is disrupting and causing unnecessary contention.

[sunflower77]

I dont really understand what the problem is here to be honest. She has been with a few guys that are older than her so what? What does it matter that the guy is 27 and that you are 23? She is mature, she has had past relationships...everybody has a past. I think youre obsessing a little, she is with you now, isnt she, so get over yourself.

[HeartIsAching]

You don't care one way or another, yet you continue to award me with responses... This does not make sense.

At this point your just talking to argue. To prove this:

1) Since I am apparently "assuming far too much," which obviously denotes a large list of things, I would like for you to tell me what it is exactly I am "assuming". This should be interesting, but I am going to bet you won't.

2) Also, please show me where in my original post where I was asking someone to make a decision for me? I did not once ask for anyone on this forum to tell me what to do. Your failure to read is our only miscommunication. I made it clear I wish to stay with this girl, and was seeking advice as to how I could over come this. All you did was try and tell me how I already know how I feel. You gave my no advice, and you clearly didn't read my posts as I had made it clear how I felt. Simply because you conceal your emotions does not mean I do the same. I have a very high and acute emotional intelligence and awareness, and on more than once occasion expressed how I felt.

3) And I'm sorry, when did I "whine"? Now you are just throwing verbs around in some pathetic attempt to slander what has been a perfectly competent and successful conversation. When members were posting "choices of action" and highly generalized advice, I responded by thanking them for their advice and politely requesting they offer something more specific to help my choice to stay with this girl. Please, prove this otherwise.

I not only thanked you for your advice and the links, but I responded by reiterating my previous points of how I felt by using the links you gave me. Your response? Some snide and unwarranted remarks, followed by your montage of insults and continual expressions of my "inferior" nature in contrast to you. All this coming from a guy who "doesn't care either way."

Don't make it so easy to tear apart what your saying and pin your argument upside down by it's balls. You have nothing to warrant or legitimately defend your premise here. Do me a favor, if you "don't care," leave. I'm having a wonderful conversation without you, and all your doing right now is disrupting and causing unnecessary contention.

I simply meant you're assuming far too much about me and what I feel or think.

I did not mean that you asked anybody to make a decision for you, only you can make decisions for you. You asked advice on your current situation, and lots of people responded with things that are good and valid - for instance, "Get help" is one you specifically said wasn't helpful. I obviously disagree, as I'm one of the ones that made it. It's still a good option, should you choose to explore it. In my own clumsy way, since you said that wasn't a good option for you, I suggested that you explore your real feelings about why you feel the way you do, and you seem to only want to scratch the surface. You feel "inferior". My response to that was (or at least was meant to be) "Ok, try and figure out why." It seemed as if you were unwilling to go beyond that point. Perhaps I was wrong. It's becoming clear that miscommunication is a major culprit here. It's sometimes difficult to have a meaningful dialogue using mere text.

At one point, I was frustrated, and I did make a remark that was snide and unwarranted, and for that I apologize.