Should I break up with my girlfriend?

[Austin981]

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for about one year now, and things have been getting worse and worse. We are both seventeen, in the 11th grade; and I do not feel like I can live without her but I feel it must be done. I broke up with her for the first time ever about one month ago because we went to gym class and I played floor hockey with my friends and she got very, very, very upset with me (apparently I cannot hang out with friends?) She wouldn't talk to me at all, kept screaming at me to go play floor hockey, and just want to me to leave her alone after only ten minutes of me playing floor hockey. It is also not like we never get to see each other, we had other classes together and we talked on the phone on school days for over 5 hours most of the time!

There has been many problems in our relationship, at first when we got back together it was great for about a week until things went downhill again.

In our relationship I do whatever I can for her, that might have been what caused these problems to begin with. I feel like I spoiled her. I deleted all the girls numbers I had in my phone, all the girls that liked me off facebook, I bought her flowers/presents/left her sweet messages on facebook every single time I got on. So many things I did for her and this is why I think she is so overly jealous and clingy to me.

Here are a few things she has done (Only a few, to list them all this would be a novel.)
1.) Just today after school she went to the bathroom. Right next the the bathroom doors were my friends so I talked to them while waiting for her. She comes out, with a sad/mad look on her face and I assume she was sad because I was talking to them...so for 30 minutes she was in one of her moods until I dropped her off at her house.
2.) This last sunday I was working on my car so I could go pick her up (Needed a new starter, had to get the heat shield off which was a bitch and then go to two different stores to get it and put it in) I finally go get her at 2PM so we could see each other and I told her I could be a while so she knew that this could happen. She was mad and upset for 20 minutes; and I finally snapped because I thought it was ridiculous she could be mad over something like that so I yelled at her and told her how stupid it is that I am always blamed for everything and its unfair that everything is always my fault. She asks to get out of the car because she wants to go home, she then starts trying to walk home I tried numerous times to get her into my car she wouldnt, I had to call her parents to pick her up.
3.) She used to get mad at me if I did not talk to her on the phone throughout the entire night, she does not have a phone now because my parents bought her the phone she used and stopped paying for it after we broke up a month ago.

Now I wont bore you with everything she has done, those are just a very small amount of things she has done. She always seems to want to be sad and no matter what happens I always have to apologize and say its my fault. I have tried talking to her about this already and she still says its my fault and wont listen to me.

Here are some faults with her that I hate as well
1.) She is bisexual ( A huge hate)
2.) She has cheated on a girlfriend she had with another girl in a game of truth or dare (she said she was going to break up with her the next day so it doesn't count...wow)
3.) She gets sad and mad too easily and holds being sad the entire day, while if i ever ever get sad or mad I apologize very soon almost directly after it happening
4.) She has gave two guys blowjobs in her life...both at age 14 at truth or dare
5.) She has had sex once in her life with a guy she dated for one day
6.) Her family is crazy; mom was in a mental hospital, dad is a drunk weed smoker, whole family is pretty much insane.
7.) She is kind of stupid (Gets bad grades, while I get a 3.5 without even trying in the honors classes.)
8.) She cannot comprehend things at all

Honestly there are a lot more things about our relationship I am not listing but it is hard to think of them all on the spot. I also know the answer to my own question, I need to break up with her. I just feel so attached to her after a year.

1.) I feel if I break up with her it will be like the one other time I did ( I was depressed, always worrying about what she was doing at any given time)
2.) I am also afraid of what she might do, after only a few days of being apart she cut herself all over and had many cuts on her arms.

I just need some people to tell me...you know. I just want the help to do it. Thanks everyone!

[SapphireBerry]

Well first off please don’t hate on women who are bisexual or bicurious because that’s up to them how they feel with their sexuality, second of all she sounds like she needs help and of course spoiling her and giving into her was not going to help the situation. She is what we call manipulative, and yes I really think that a lot of her home life could of affected the way she behaves but don’t blame her for her mother and fathers behavior..

She doesn’t sound like she is making you happy at all and of course you don’t want to endure anymore pain and suffering with her trying to walk all over you. I know you may feel attached to her as well but you are going to feel that way with every girl you spend at least a year or longer with. I would assume from what I’ve heard that she will start to manipulate you and harm herself if you tried to break up with her again and this isn’t fair at all but its also not gonna be easy escaping someone like her.

I think the both of you should be referred to a school counselor about the relationship, the way it works at my school is if you put your name and someone elses name down they will call you both out of class for an appointment, I’m not sure if it works that way with you but I’d try getting some confidential advice and if worst comes to worst then speak to her mother about the way she is behaving or better yet even your own mother cuz I’ve seen things like this spiral out of control before and it could become messy.

But all in all, you need to find someone that is going to treat you with the respect you deserve and the respect you earn. All this mental abuse and pressure is not gonna benefit for you or her. Sounds like she cannot handle a civil, mature relationship and it is your full right to call it quits anytime you want as like her, YOU also have a say in what you want from this relationship.

Hope some of this will come in handy, be careful
Sapphire x

[Austin981]

Thanks for the reply; and its not that I hate on people who are bisexual or gay, I really do not care who anyone likes at all. Hate was the wrong word, it is just weird knowing the one I am with likes the same sex, and it makes it feel weird. Also I do not blame her for her mother and father's behavior, but I strongly believe that because she was raised with them and always grounded over dumb things that it highly reflects her behavior.
Also right now, I just don't know...I feel I could never ever break up with her, I am too attached. Here is a story that just happened today:
We went to class, I walked in and put my books on the desk and she had left. I go out in the hall to see what she was doing and she was walking from the locker back to class (this is not like her as she ALWAYS asks me to do everything possible with her no matter how stupid) Not a big deal, just not like her and it made me concerned something was wrong.
But, to keep away from arguing I did not say anything, I just was being extra nice to her. Throughout the class I kept being overly nice to her to try to get her into a good mood, but despite my efforts she was still being mean to me. Every time I said I love you all happily she was respond by saying "I love you" in the moody, very quiet voice she uses when sad or something is the matter. She was trying to finish a project I had been finished with, she didn't have something needed to finish the project so I told her what to do; and she said I did it bad (It was perfect actually, I got an A on it) so I went to our locker, got a pass and got the thing she needed. I come back and she tells me I told her the wrong thing to do and she almost messed up because of me and she was being very mean to me, that drew the line and instead of telling her that she is being unreasonably and getting mad at her at this point I put my head down and had tears coming from my face. I tried to keep crying concealed, but later she realized I was and was mad at me; she blamed me for everything that had happened pretty much. She was just getting even moodier at me saying she did not do anything wrong. After class she usually walks me to my next, but she said she wanted to stay to finish; so I immediately left. After school she comes up to me all happy and says "You're mean" and blames me for everything, but in a happy voice. I really did not do anything wrong, the only thing I did she didn't like was talk to her brother that does not like us dating (even though he got us together) for about 45 seconds. I told her after school that until she starts realizing that I am always not the one to blame I am not talking to her...

I just need help here, if you read my original post too what should I do right now...I feel like I can't leave her but if she really pushes me to the limit I know I will like last time. But, tell me what to do to help me get over her, how to break up with her, what I should now and should I ignore her until she realizes she was wrong? I just need help, any help please; I have been so depressed in this relationship and just need some help please...

[MerryH]

1.) I feel if I break up with her it will be like the one other time I did ( I was depressed, always worrying about what she was doing at any given time)
2.) I am also afraid of what she might do, after only a few days of being apart she cut herself all over and had many cuts on her arms.

Neither of these things are your problem or responsibility once you break up with her. If she harms herself, that's her choice and there's nothing you can do about that. You just have to push those concerns out of your mind. Actually, push her out of your mind entirely. Act like she never existed.

How to break up with her? Call her and say, "I can't deal with your controlling behavior and bizarre mood swings any more. It's over between us. Please don't contact me again." No further conversation is necessary. Seriously, don't let it turn into an argument. Don't let her explain or reason with you or cry or flip out. Just end the phone call quickly.

Don't wait for her to realize anything because it's likely that she'll never learn the lesson you're trying to teach her. This is something else that's not your responsibility. You can't change your partner into being a better person, they should already be the type of person you want to be with.

Do it soon. Put yourself out of your misery already.

[Austin981]

Thanks, but she does not have a phone and honestly I want to try to fix it again gosh I have no clue why but I do not have it in me to break up with her. I am a confident person and I can easily do anything but for some reason I do not have it in me to break up with her. I want to tell her tomorrow that unless she changes that she will lose me, but I know that I should already dump her. It just is so hard for me, I feel so awful gosh...

By the way, thanks for the help everyone it is helping.

[MerryH]

I have no clue why but I do not have it in me to break up with her.

Figure out why, then. Do some introspection. Is it because you would feel guilty for "abandoning" her? Is it because you're scared she'll start crying and carrying on? You made a couple of huge posts about reasons why you don't want to be with her. Could you write just as much about what you like about her?

[Austin981]

That honestly made me chuckle when you said could I write that about what I like about her. No, it would not even be close to this long at all. I believe that any girl could give me what she is giving me and WAY more. The main thing that I would feel is constantly wondering what she is doing, who she is doing it with, and if I saw her with another guy it would kill me. Those are the three main things.

[MerryH]

Those are the three main things.

Those are really terrible reasons to stay in a bad relationship. It's kind of like going, "Yeah, it's going to really hurt to rip off this bandaid so I'm just going to leave it on and allow the wound to fester and rot under there."

[novocane]

This is just a disaster, man. You sound like an intelligent guy.. and this girl you're dating seems like a big crybaby dramaqueen.

If you don't want to break up with her just yet, try this: When she gets into the "sad" moods, don't take it. Assert yourself and tell her you're not going to take her theatrics and to grow up. Try to be a bit more dominant, and turn the mean streak around on her and see what happens. She gets into these moods because she seeks a reaction out of you. Tell her to grow up, and ignore her until she stops.

I doubt you will be able to salvage anything but at least try this and see if you can turn things around before you end it.