Not Quite Right

[Glea]

I agree with the fact you have to keep your personal life and have a range of activities on your own, but it's obvious that you and her don't give the same importance to your relationship and you hanging out with other people and doing other things on your own won't get her less distant if she simply doesn't want you to be her top priority.

I don't think you're clingy or desperate. You want to spend time with your gf, you want to share moments with her and you're upset with her not even texting you the whole week whereas she finds time to post on Fb, it's pretty natural and most people see a love relationship the same way as you do!

So in my opinion, the question you have to ask yourself is "am i willing and capable to play it cool and accept a casual relationship?".

[FwedFwintstone]

Thanks for the reply Glea. It's so easy to think you're going crazy until someone puts it into perspective.

I'd be quite happy with a casual relationship, if I knew that's what we had. The trouble is, one day we're up, the next we're down. I don't know what's going to happen from one day to the next and the inconsistency is throwing me. Maybe she doesn't really know what she wants herself.

She hasn't text me back for a week despite me trying but she's still posting updates on Facebook and sometimes replying to me. Ok, she can find time to be on Facebook but can't find time to tell me where we stand? Whether we're casual or full on? Whether she just needs time to sort herself out? If she's got all this work, why is she playing on Facebook all the time?

Nothing is adding up and I have no idea what to do. And now I have to wait a month for her to sort her work out!

Do I be supportive and wait the month, or give it a week and put 2 + 2 together and realise she's just not interested? I don't want to end it prematurely, but I don't want to be strung out.

[Glea]

I pretty much don't know what to say dude... It's an awkward and tricky situation you're facing.

When she replies to you on Facebook, does she show an obvious interest in you? I mean, do you feel she talks to her boyfriend? And does she intiate the chats or are you the one making the first move every time? Because, whether she's actually overwhelmed with work or not, she should have time to come to you, for this is what people who are into someone do, not because it's the right thing to do, but because they just need to be in touch with the person they love...

So as for what to do, well it depends on the responses to my previous questions, but also on how you're feeling right now. Do you think you can cut her some slack for a month and handle it cool?
One month can be a long time to wait and you may feel really disappointed and jaded and frustrated if at the end nothing changes.

[FwedFwintstone]

I just have this overwhelming desire to try to explain where Im coming from, why I felt frustrated, why I lost my temper the way I did (I said a bad word, and on a scale of 1 to 10, it was more like a 3). But Im effectively being silenced and in the meantime I don't know where I stand and Im in danger of losing my feelings towards her so I can avoid the hurt and pain of not being able to talk to my girlfriend and get through my concerns.

Apart from status updates where we occasionally post comments on, there's no communication at all at the moment. and when there was (before this), it was always me initiating.

It all seems too public and not enough private.

Im tempted to get in touch to apologize because part of me wonder if I've been too unrealistic, that maybe I overreacted.

[FwedFwintstone]

Well she still really hasn't spoken to me. I don't know what to do for the best. She seems to be going through some personal issues, but we haven't seen each other in a few weeks, and we haven't really gone back to texting the way we used to. Just when I think the ice has broken we can edge forward, she seems to cut me out again.

Im not going to have a relationship on facebook though. She seems happier replying on that in public than she does replying to me. She's got her reasons and I don't know what they are yet.

But she has told me she wants to sort this as much as I do.

[Horseyguy]

She showing almost indentical behaviour as my ex has been the last few months and I broke up with her Sunday when I found she had been on a dating site since February, maybe her attention is elsewhere

[FwedFwintstone]

If it wasn't for the fact I trust her implicitly, then I'd agree with you. There's something else going on, I just don't know what it is yet. I haven't been myself recently, maybe she was protecting my feelings while she sorts her own issues out, knowing one flip out on either side would cause a problem? That's the best I got to work with.

[zyingyang]

I don't want to come off as brash but..
seriously? it's really not that tricky
guys keep saying "he's just not that into you", well, She's just not that into you! If she was really interested in working this out she should. She can say she's busy all she wants, but if she doesn't have 1 minute between lunch breaks, going to the bathroom, or other things that doesn't require thought, to call or even text you a reply like you want - then she's not thinking about you. And if she's not thinking about you, it's unlikely it'll ever get better.
I work for a very competitive fortune 500 pharmacutical company - the guy who sits on the left from me ALWAYS calls his wife at least once during the day to see how things are going at home, and one of my friends usually texts her boyfriend about later plans when we're waiting in the lunch line or when she's walking to a meeting. They love their sig. others enough to think about them. Getting the picture?

if it's "up" sometimes like you say, it's because she's lonely and you're convenient. But it sounds like you can have a lot going for you, so why are you letting her hold you down? When you meet "the one", it just happens and love doesn't require work - if you're working too hard to make it happen now, it's not going to get any easier down the road.