Why does she change so frequently?

[TKCerbs]

So my gf and I are coming up on 4 months, and she has a tendancy to change her mood towards the relationship on almost a weekly basis. a few weeks ago we had a serious conversation where she almost pulled the "I don't know if I have time for a relationship right now", but from there got really close for a few weeks, was always calling from work on her breaks, wanting to spend every minute she had on the weekend etc up until this week, where she has now gone cold again, not calling, not really wanting to hang out, being tired, etc.

She tends to do this every few weeks, goes from close, to far, and back to close again. Its really frustrating because things seem to be awesome, then she starts to drift, then comes back and its awesome again for a couple of weeks. If I do talk to her about it when shes distant, she says things like "We can't spend all of our time together" or "you're asking too much from me" and things like that, when its her who is making the effort to be really close when things are good. It seems that after a few weeks and things start to get emotionally serious, she backs off and hits the reset button.

I don't understand women. . .

[MaidenMinx]

She's right, she can't be with you all the time. Nor can either of you maintain that blissful connected feeling forever. It comes and goes.

You said you have been together 4 months and this seems to be a pattern. It may be linked to Aunt Flo. She probably doesn't want to be around you at that time of the month because you guys haven't been together that long. Also that time of the month can play havoc with womens reasoning ability and the reluctance could be linked to her high strung emotions.

Me, I've been battling depression most of my life. Every now and then I'll find myself contemplating suicide. Everything will suck. Nothing will be going my way. Then I'll get a cramp and realise that I'm only thinking like that because of hormones. Start timing when these mood swings occur. There is probably a pattern. Note the pattern and ignore the downtalk if it is on schedule.

[TKCerbs]

Sorry to hear about your depression, that sucks.

I at the beginning was attributing it to "aunt flo", but it hasn't worked on that kind of schedule, sometimes shes really close for 1 week than distant for 2, it was so bad at one point that I was just going to break up with her because it was getting stupid. She told me to be patient and that she is an emotional wreck. Its really extreme, like i said, when things are good, they're good, we see each other a reasonable amount of time for people having been dating this long (3-4 days a week, 2 of which are the weekend). When things are on the "down" she doesn't really want to hang out at all during the week, or its forced and her affection levels are WAY down.

Its just frustrating, if it was "up" all the time this would be the relationship of my life, but her changes tend to force me to reserve my emotions and prevent me from allowing myself to really get into the relationship as well. That said, our "up" time is much more over the last 2 months, the "down" time has only been a week here and there, but she gets so "down" that she does end up saying things like "I don't have time for a relationship" even though it appears she doesn't actually mean it.

Again, I don't understand women. . .

[Kilocake]

It's not a woman problem, I do it too. Sometimes I'll be so happy with a girl and other times I just think they suck. I don't understand it so I'd love someone to explain it better.

[Dune]

Sounds like she's riding the moods of her menstrual cycle.. Hormones?

[Cerby]

Sounds like she's riding the moods of her menstrual cycle.. Hormones?

He said above the schedule is a little off from the mentrual cycles. There are so many factors that can change ones attitude towards relationships/life in general. Depression, personal issues, a fear of commitment, etc.

[secre]

women often get distracted by the excitement of the world, when in a good relationship the male and the female are sharing their journey together.
i don't think you are asking too much of her, you are simply asking to be with her. but there are things outside of the relationship that she seems to want more (some of the time), then you only.
ask her if she wants you or the world more, then bless her on either choice she makes. is she does not make a choice, then enjoy the roller coaster, my friend.

[JadenMia]

From my experience, i would say i have definitely been like this with someone before.

Has she by any chance got out of another relaionship in the past year or so?
I split with my daughters father in 2009. I thought i was pretty much over him a few months later and got fixed up with an awesome guy. He was perfect in every way. Knew exactly how to treat a woman and for the most part i was happy. The more serious we got, the more i started to think about my ex and the more i started to pull away.
Yet, it was only sometimes i felt the need to run away from him. One night we could be having an awesome time together, then the next morning i felt scared and not ready to be with him. It was awkward, id call him to talk about things, id say i wasnt ready to be with him as much. Id say i was busy, tired wanted to hang out with friends etc.. But then a week later i would miss him and realise how great he was and try regain my feelings with him. I would, then a few days later i would want to run away again.

Im not saying this is whats going on, but it is a possibilty as what you have said reminds me exactly how i was with him. So if i were you, i would back right off. Let her do the deciding in this relationship, let her make the plans let her ask you to hang out. Dont act too serious with her and concentrate more on your own life more than your relationship together. That would be the smart thing to do here i think..

If i have really wanted to be with a guy, i have always made it obvious, made time for him no matter what etc.. I dont think a girl who is actually serious about someone realy has doubts at all. Thats just my 2 cents.. So tread carefully.

[DarkHelmet82]

jaden you had doubts but were serious about this guy no?

[JadenMia]

jaden you had doubts but were serious about this guy no?

Well, i wanted to be serious with him, and he was extremely serious about me which was maybe part of the problem i think..
He was exactly what i was looking for in a man and i thought wow, im so lucky! There were times in the few months that i was really seriously thinking about settling down with him.. then there was just times where i felt so doubtful about my feelings and felt the need to bolt. After about 5 months of this confusion i ended it.
My mind just changed about him all the time it was really confusing, it upset me because he was such a nice guy and it wasnt fair for him.

[jb1111983]

He was exactly what i was looking for in a man and i thought wow, im so lucky! There were times in the few months that i was really seriously thinking about settling down with him.. then there was just times where i felt so doubtful about my feelings and felt the need to bolt. After about 5 months of this confusion i ended it.
My mind just changed about him all the time it was really confusing, it upset me because he was such a nice guy and it wasnt fair for him.

oh women. lol I get a feeling that most women just don't know what they really want.

[JadenMia]

oh women. lol I get a feeling that most women just don't know what they really want.

That was definitely the case at this time in my life. lol

[deepika_16]

Its very sad to hear that at the beginning of your relationship you are facing so many problems. Its true that both of cannot be together all the time. If she is maintaining a distance from you then you also keep a little distance from her. See she is getting all the attractions she wants from you. For some days you also behave the way she behaves with you and see her reaction, is she bothered about it or not. If she is bothered then you don't have to worry but if she is not then take separate way.

[Mathias]

Well, i wanted to be serious with him, and he was extremely serious about me which was maybe part of the problem i think..
He was exactly what i was looking for in a man and i thought wow, im so lucky! There were times in the few months that i was really seriously thinking about settling down with him.. then there was just times where i felt so doubtful about my feelings and felt the need to bolt. After about 5 months of this confusion i ended it.
My mind just changed about him all the time it was really confusing, it upset me because he was such a nice guy and it wasnt fair for him.

I'd like to talk about this more, if you don't mind. Is there a link to the full story somewhere?

I'm trying to understand this aspect of women, and can't seem to do it.

[Cerby]

I agree with Mathias, if he was a perfect guy, how could you justify letting him go? I want to understand too!