Question about disabilities and scars

[mrcellophane5]

Hi,

I just wanted to ask whether there is a general perception in your opinion of a guy who has a lot of scars on his body and how it affects his attractiveness (for example due to surgery)?

Also I would like to ask how a guy such as myself with physical disabilities can actually get the attention of a girl and show her that he is not a burden? I mean there was this one time when a girl really hurt me to tell you the truth when she basically told me that "I am not a true man to her." What made matters even worse for me was that she was a girl that I felt really attracted to...

Thanks in advance.

[MaidenMinx]

Scars are to me, very interesting. I don't know about other women.

What level of physical disability are we talking here?

[MerryH]

Also I would like to ask how a guy such as myself with physical disabilities can actually get the attention of a girl

Sense of humor. Make people laugh - not at you, with you.

[sookie6]

Scars are not a problem to me...I had a date recently when the guy kept justifying his scars (a few scars here and there due to child falls, work and operations)...I don't mind at all and to me scars mean that people went through tough things and kuddos to them if they are able to smile and be happy now...

We live in a society in search of perfection where any dent or scar has the potential to diminish people if the eyes of others...

For the happy part, your scars and disabilities will work as a filter and you will always be surrounded by the right people.

Personally I'm more bothered with mental disabilties as it makes it impossible to interact with people and I do feel sorry for these people.

[Boisdevie]

I have an excellent scar down my stomach due to a motorbike accident - I don't think it has made the slightest difference to my sex life. But talking about scars and then talking about 'disabilities' is a different ballgame. What sort of disability are we talking about?

[mrcellophane5]

Well, I had around 8 surgeries for both of my legs during the past 4 years due to medical malpractice which occurred back in 2007. The scars are on both of my knees as well as on my hip and they did not heal that well compared to other scars that I had in the past. Since then, I wear really long shorts which cover my knees, because initially many people used to stare awkwardly and in disgust at me.

The medical malpractice excluded me from any sporting activities which were a huge part of my life before it. Now I am limited only to walking due to chronic pain at the age of 22. I know that many people can say that I should be glad that I am not in a wheelchair at least for example, and that I should stop nagging. But it is still hard to cope with being inactive and not a "true man" I used to be able to harness a lot of strength, confidence and motivation from sports. At the age of 22 I am already encountering severe chronic pain which affects my mood and behavior (pessimistic and melancholic). There was a point at which I did not know whether I should ever be in a relationship because I would feel like a burden to that “one and only girl”. A burden that would only become heavier with time…

Thanks in advance

[MaidenMinx]

If you meet the right woman, she'd never consider you a burden.

And people are right. If you are told often that you are lucky to not be in a wheelchair, you obviously are. Life is a bitch and it knocks you down often. The ability to rise above the crappy hand life has dealt you and keep smiling is what attracts people to you. No one likes to around someone who whines about what they have lost rather than focusing on what's out there to gain.

I'm not saying your situation isn't unfortunate, it is. I can't imagine the hole of despair I'd be likely to fall in if I were in your shoes. At some point though, if you want to be happy, you'll have to realise the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming train.

[sookie6]

You are still very young so now wonder you have not found the one yet...

But are you making sure that your expectations are not too high...like many young men do you focus on looks or personality?

My brother is about your age...he has no disability watsover apart from being so full of himself that the standard of girls we would consider dating is too unrealistically high...?

When I mention nice and intelligent girls to him he won't compromise...

I'm just saying do not dismiss girls because you find them plain looking....you migh find that someone you have not noticed before will accept you for who you are and see your qualities.