Advise on helping my new girlfriend deal with my ex wife

[hello1]

Simple fact of all this is, if you do want to be in a relationship with this woman you will need to cater to her jealously.

Is your girlfriend young? I have to admit when I have children and if I broke up with children father I wouldn't date a younger man. Younger people are less rational and understanding than older more mature people. I am young myself so can say this is true for a lot!

Actually thinking about it, maybe best you do end it? I have to agree with other posters, she will properly get worst and may resent your daughter. Some people can't handle being with someone who has children but I don't know if she's one of them...she's just against your ex but it could extend to your daughter so watch out for that...

[RJAW]

no she is not young have made that mistake before she is 29

yeah that is another issue i was worried about with regards to having resentment for my daughter but i dont think that would happen...she doesn't even resent my ex her whole resoning behind this is that she thinks she may be getting inbetween us being a family and i may be doing things with my ex behind her back, there is no chance of me and the ex getting back together its something neither of us wants, but i can also understand the doubt in her mind because why would i need to lie about it lol its this issue i need to resolve the issue of broken trust and i simply dont have a clue on how to achieve it

[hello1]

Ah so she isn't really young and by what you said its just you lieing which caused all the problems you have at the moment! Yeah just don't lie too her again, it really is that simple. She properly didn't even think it was that big of deal but you lieing about it just made her think, "is there something funny going on here." I wouldn't worry about it, she get over it soon enough!

[deepika_16]

I think your girlfriend is getting possessive. If she is so scared then you can do one thing you can introduce your daughter to your girlfriend so that she can be sure that you are only in contact with your ex wife because of your daughter. If your daughter likes her then you can always take your girlfriend with you when you meet your daughter. Make your girlfriend understand that you love her not your ex and as a father you have to fulfill responsibilities. You cannot abandon your daughter from you because of your problems. You should be able to carry out the problems very well keeping your daughter aside from all of this.

[vashti]

I fail to see where you lied at all. I think you should be careful about taking more responsibility for her immaturity than you should.

Also, don't introduce your kid to this woman until you are sure she can behave like a grown-up with regards to your interactions with your ex.

[JadenMia]

I agree.
She needs to accept that you have baggage, and by trying to ease her mind about this is just helping her act out the way she is.
I see it like you would a childs behaviour, to stomp out bad behaviour, you lay the rules. Its upto them if they want to follow that. If they dont? Then its time out. In other words, time out from YOU.

You need to sit her down, reassure her that you love her to bits, but you have a child to care for and this is part of what is going to happen for many years to come. You are going to have contact with your ex for the sake of your daughter. And it will never be any other way. Tell her you are divorced from your ex wife for a reason and that will never change. She can either accept this or move on basically. But thats that!
There may be 'tantrums' to begin with, but it is in your best interest to stay persistant with it. Then she knows she cant get away with being jealous and controlling.
Explain the only reason you spoke to your wife is because you wanted your daughter to meet your girlfriend, its your relationships best interest and it means you are serious about her. But you need to inform this to your ex because she is the childs MOTHER.

I have the same problem with this, yet i am the 'ex'. My daughters father, is not allowed to speak to me over the phone, yet we live in a different country. My daughter is 3.. so i dont understand how she thinks he is going to communicate with her otherwise. I once called and his new girlfriend didnt want us to speak about our daughters progress while she was present, with the time difference its hard to catch him when she is not around. He allows her to be like this too..
When i get home to visit this year, they will both be getting a nice ear fulll from me. And she is probably going to meet the back of my hand.

[RJAW]

Thank you so much for all your advice guys

I have had a good chat with my girlfriend and basically i have said that i have a daughter and an ex wife we are not together and never will be . I am with you because i am 100% in love with you and the only girl i have considered introducing my daughter to and thats how serious i see us.

I dont want us to break up but i wont let you interfere with my daughters life which neither you nor i want and now you have to decide if you can deal with the fact i will always be in contact with my ex because of my daughter who comes before anything.....etc etc cutting a long story short so now i guess we will wait and see what happens

love to you all
xxx

[surfhb]

Thank you so much for all your advice guys

I have had a good chat with my girlfriend and basically i have said that i have a daughter and an ex wife we are not together and never will be . I am with you because i am 100% in love with you and the only girl i have considered introducing my daughter to and thats how serious i see us.

I dont want us to break up but i wont let you interfere with my daughters life which neither you nor i want and now you have to decide if you can deal with the fact i will always be in contact with my ex because of my daughter who comes before anything.....etc etc cutting a long story short so now i guess we will wait and see what happens

NICE!!! Please let us know what she said in response ??!!!