Can't call him out on it now..

[toshiba]

I got this text after he left for work: "We should probably chill out for awhile. I'm sorry but there was no reason for you to get all pissed off last night. I don't think I should have to explain or check in with you every time I get a text. Your phone blows up with texts all the time, and I don't say anything to you. Idk last night really pissed me off."

This guy takes no crap and knows you will stick around. Also sounds like he may be using this for an out.

[Horseyguy]

I have never been a big fan on snooping, you should be able to trust your partner.

Saying that, I ended up finding out my ex had been sitting on a dating site for the last 3 months we were together.

I had broken up with her and she wanted us to try again so we got back together and the whole time she was talking to other guys.

I found out by accident, didn't intend to snoop, just happened upon it when I was trying to find a link to a footy website of all things, went to history on the web browser and found all these links to a dating site profile (hers)

I confronted her, she fessed up and I ended it. She was pissed at me for snooping saying if I hadn't have looked we would still be together.

Didn't even register to her that it was wrong, fact that if I hadn't looked meant I would never have known she was on there, telling me she loved me all the time whilst checking out for a replacement, didn't really make me feel any better

[ShellyZ]

People don't get defensive unless they have something to hide. My ex used to get mad at me for questioning him when he was lying (I didn't snoop but he and his friends would post stuff all over his Facebook wall where anyone could see it). The reason he got mad when I questioned him is because he didn't like being confronted with the truth. He couldn't justify his behavior and he couldn't admit to lying, so he tried to convince me that I was crazy and irrational for questioning him. And honestly, I did not make wild accusations, I just calmly pointed out the facts. His response was similar to your boyfriend's text: angry, defensive, telling you that you're being unreasonable, and using it as an excuse to distance himself from you. "We should probably chill out for awhile" is an implied threat: If you speak up again, he'll dump you. Seems like a drastic reaction for a guy who supposedly isn't doing anything wrong.

[toshiba]

Saying that, I ended up finding out my ex had been sitting on a dating site for the last 3 months we were together.

She was pissed at me for snooping saying if I hadn't have looked we would still be together.

Really, so why was she on the dating site?

[elleda]

Many men.......... can compartmentalise their lives and rationalise their actions.

OMG thankyou for this, so so so true.

[surfhb]

Girl....this is his way of getting out. I'm sorry but this whole thing is over

[Horseyguy]

Really, so why was she on the dating site?

Because she figured if I hadn't sprung her we would still be together.

And of course, she would have still had the profile active, her defense when I sprung her was that she hadn't really been on there the last few weeks as things were getting better between us and she could see a long term future between us.

I told her it made me feel like I was just a holding card until something better came along and I deserve better than that after 18 Months

[toshiba]

Because she figured if I hadn't sprung her we would still be together.

And of course, she would have still had the profile active, her defense when I sprung her was that she hadn't really been on there the last few weeks as things were getting better between us and she could see a long term future between us.

I told her it made me feel like I was just a holding card until something better came along and I deserve better than that after 18 Months

Wow, so would have been on egg-shells hoping you didn't do anything "wrong" to make her want to jump back on the dating site to start lining someone else up? Thats healthy. :rolleyes: That's how a GUY thinks!!!!!!!!!1 She shouldn't, haha. You made the right choice.

[bulrush]

a19drift, this guy is disrespectful. First, I don't talk/text/communicate with women over and over if I'm dating someone. I avoid any actions that look suspicious, and he looks suspicious. If my gf was acting like this, I have the right to be suspicious and ask her to stop. I also feel I have the right to see the text messages/emails/communications he sends/receives to the person in question.

If they aren't willing to do full disclosure, it's over for me. I don't worry about it, I just move on.

[Red Apollo]

He is done and just stringing you along. He knows you are on to him and tried to shift the blame completely on you to make you feel guilty/wrong. Plus, you don't trust him anyway. That trust will most likely never be rebuilt. You're best bet is to get out while you can. You breaking up with him will hurt you a lot less than if you wait for him to do it after he replaces you. And it isn't worth putting yourself through the hell of being with someone you don't trust, constantly worrying about what they are doing.

[jayjay30]

one day my two year old son turned on my currents computer and his YIM signed on and this chick texted him with some flirty shit. I went and read his archive and oh my i was fuming. I messaged the chick from my YIM and said DO not talk to him again he is in a relationship i dont care whether its only over the computer or not. WHEN he got home from work i went off on him-he tried to make excuses but in the end he apologized and deleted her from facebook and YIM-havent spoken to her since that was like a year ago.

also his cell is constantly going off its usually his brother, dad, his friend or our female friend(mutual friend, who blows up my cell too).

[a19drift]

He says he needs time to decide whether this relationship is worth continuing. Says the only reason he's tolerated my 'crazy' is because he cares about me. So..he gets my heart, this other girl maybe, and if miracles happen, maybe the ex-wife will decide to halt the divorce. This just isn't fair.

I didn't want to know every detail or bother him, I just wanted to feel like I was enough for him like he is for me. Now he has to decide whether I'm worth "tolerating". I never would have wondered if he hadn't acted like everything had to be kept a secret.

I was really prepared to just let all of this go; it finally started to feel stable. Not allowed any labels..but I made myself get over that, believed the excuse that he didn't want to rile the ex because they have young children.

I've known this man my whole life, I thought for sure I couldn't go wrong being with someone who came from where I did, grew up the same way and stuff.

[a19drift]

Nope, it's emotional and mental abuse, pure and simple. He's obviously planning/trying something, and playing head-games with you to make you think that you're nuts to think so.

In a previous post of mine you mentioned several kinds of abuse as well..that I was the abuser. Just so I'm clear..is that what you're saying here?

[abn25]

You need to tell him how you feel. You already apologized, end of story. He must have been acting a certain way to make you suspicious but even so you said sorry and admitted fault. Has he explained anything clearly??? Sounds like he's playing the both of you or many. If you really like this guy tell him you feel angry and sad about the ways things are between you, but dont blame him for anything. He can take it however but you put yourself back in the drivers seat and can collect your self esteem.