This is a disaster :(

[Riku]

I've been seeing this guy for a few months now and everything has been going great. Here is the problem....he told me yesterday that his ex is moving back in "temporarily". I've met her, she knows about us, I know they are not in any way getting back together. They have a 2 year old together and she got kicked out of her mom's house and is now homeless basically. I told him that I get it. It's the mother of his child, he can't in good conscience leave her like that. He had expected me to throw a fit about it and was surprised when I didn't. I'm a very logical person so that's just not my style.

My problem is that I only spend significant time with him every other weekend because I also have a kid and he lives an hour away. I just feel like this is going to effect my time with him. It isn't like any of us want me staying the weekend when she is there. He swore that it won't be an issue and she'll just have to go stay with a friend when I come up. I have serious doubts about how long he is gonna tell her to leave for the weekend though. Plus the whole thing is just weird.....

He could come to my place but that really isn't gonna happen because he is an hour away and only has a motorcycle. The weather has been horrible lately so I just know that's not feasible.

Is this just doomed now?

[MerryH]

Well, you're not being very logical right now. Doomed, really?

He swore it wouldn't be an issue and that she'd just have to go kick rocks and stay elsewhere when you're visiting. Why don't you trust that he'll take care of it?

[hello1]

I bet old feelings will return and he will sleep with her

[MerryH]

I bet old feelings will return and he will sleep with her

How did you come to this conclusion?

[Riku]

You are right I should just trust that he will take care of it. I guess I'm just too nice of a person and I'm thinking that he will eventually feel bad about asking her to leave which will mean I see him less. But again, you are right I should just trust he'll take care of it. The reason I say doomed is because if we spend any less time together I'll have to end it. I can't see someone seriously if it's only a couple times a month so this all hinges on whether or not he actually does make sure our relationship life doesn't change because of this. I really hope this is temporary and she finds a place soon.

I'm not worried about them sleeping with each other. I did express my concern to him that I know they fought all the time and couldn't stand living with each other and I hope that they don't get some false idea that it could actually work out between them. I'm sure they will fight less living together now because they aren't romantically involved so that takes a lot of the fuel for arguments away. He is very adamant about being done with her and I trust him on that. And like I said, I've met her and I definitely don't get the feeling that she is going to go behind my back. I know I can never be 100% sure but that is something in this situation I have to let go or I'll go crazy and then this will definitely be over for possibly no reason.

[hello1]

How did you come to this conclusion?

She is the mother of his child and they were a couple once and were attracted too each other. By living together they may get into acting like a family all together and so old feelings may return. That is just what I think.

[VincenzoG91]

Why did she get thrown out by her mom?

[Riku]

Because her mom recently married some guy who is a jerk and doesn't want her daughter and a toddler in his house. I feel really bad for the girl to have such a crappy family. Not bad enough to be completely ok with the situation but I know she needs a bit of help so I'm trying to not be selfish but I'm still human and bothered by it all.

[Riku]

She is the mother of his child and they were a couple once and were attracted too each other. By living together they may get into acting like a family all together and so old feelings may return. That is just what I think.

They got pregnant and she moved in with him a month after they started dating. They didn't know each other and were not compatible at all. Apparently their fights were over the top, not physical but pretty bad from what he's said. They ended it for good about a year ago and I don't think they had sex at all after the baby was born.

[hello1]

They got pregnant and she moved in with him a month after they started dating. They didn't know each other and were not compatible at all. Apparently their fights were over the top, not physical but pretty bad from what he's said. They ended it for good about a year ago and I don't think they had sex at all after the baby was born.

Some people like being in volatile relationships as they are intresting

[devonbrown]

If everything is as you have described, I don't think there will be a problem. The ex will probably go willingly when you come to visit. She is being helped out by the father of her child. She knows she is being a burden, and while I am sure she is grateful for the help, I am sure she doesn't want to jeopardize things. Otherwise she would be homeless.

I would ask your boyfriend to just try to set up a timeline of her moving out, instead of temporarily lasting indefinitely.

Good luck.

[Riku]

Thanks Devon. I was wanting to ask him about a definite timeline but I was unsure about overstepping my boundaries. If I find the right moment to bring that up it may help me stop over analyzing this.

[Capricorn2112]

Do you know of the mother's intentions?
I lived a very similar situation... only it doesn't sound like your baby mama is quite the psycho that the baby mama in my life is.
It was EXTREMELY hard for me to live through that time in my life, while my boyfriend lived 3 hours away in his baby mama's house (which he paid for when the baby was first born, but couldn't afford a second rent payment for himself), even though he could not stand her. Same story, they only dated and got pregnant, and she is not at all his type. She is a very negative person, always wanting to fight and scream, and he is calm and a very happy person. I had no worries of him cheating on me, or getting back together with her, but I had big time jealousy issues knowing that she got to spend more time with my man than I did. She would always harass me and lie to me telling me he is with her too, and we are sharing him. That was the hardest part for me... but I think if the baby mama you're dealing with is normal, it could turn out a bit different for you. Have you met her before? I feel if you are willing to put up with his ex living with him, then he should do everything he can to make the situation easier on YOU, his current girlfriend. If you make it clear to him that you're worried you'll see him less, he might just re-assure you that that's not going to happen... of maybe he won't, and that might be your answer.
As 'devonbrown' said though, it's a good idea to set up a timeline. Let him know you're ok with what he needs to do for his child right now, but he needs to be working toward a solution to get her out of his house, or it may not be worth your headache to keep seeing him.

[HeartIsAching]

I've been seeing this guy for a few months now and everything has been going great. Here is the problem....he told me yesterday that his ex is moving back in "temporarily". I've met her, she knows about us, I know they are not in any way getting back together. They have a 2 year old together and she got kicked out of her mom's house and is now homeless basically. I told him that I get it. It's the mother of his child, he can't in good conscience leave her like that. He had expected me to throw a fit about it and was surprised when I didn't. I'm a very logical person so that's just not my style.

My problem is that I only spend significant time with him every other weekend because I also have a kid and he lives an hour away. I just feel like this is going to effect my time with him. It isn't like any of us want me staying the weekend when she is there. He swore that it won't be an issue and she'll just have to go stay with a friend when I come up. I have serious doubts about how long he is gonna tell her to leave for the weekend though. Plus the whole thing is just weird.....

He could come to my place but that really isn't gonna happen because he is an hour away and only has a motorcycle. The weather has been horrible lately so I just know that's not feasible.

Is this just doomed now?

First off, stop creating problems before they happen.

Second - so what if he's an hour away and only has a motorcycle? I commuted an hour each way to work for a year on my motorcycle. He can certainly do it at the beginning and end of the weekend.

[Cerby]

First off, stop creating problems before they happen.

Second - so what if he's an hour away and only has a motorcycle? I commuted an hour each way to work for a year on my motorcycle. He can certainly do it at the beginning and end of the weekend.

If its pouring rain and he is on a crotch rocket staying off the road is safest for everyone.