On and Off, Comittment Issues, Fear of Getting Attached

[greysweatshirts]

I've been dating this wonderful girl for 2 and a half months now. Before we started going out, she said she was scared to break my heart. She said she had commitment issues, she said she was scared of getting emotionally attached. She tries to avoid becoming emotionally attached so she feels like she doesn't have to please someone, so she can be whoever she wants to be. And she doesn't like clinginess, that pushes her away.

She is frequently on then off. She'll be obsessed with me for three days, being sweet and caring and loving, then for two days she'll be vague and distant. I'm in love with her, there's no way to describe it. She's incredible and beautiful and I can't imagine life without her. I miss her after a day of not seeing her, I try to be the best I can to her. I text her to say good morning, talk to her during lunch, I always listen to her problems and try to comfort her when she's sad. She's just always flipping and flopping from one state of mind to the next. She'll say she loves me and can't live without me on Friday, and on Sunday she is scared of getting attached and dislikes clinginess.

Sometimes I feel like I deserve better, like I give her my all and all I want is her to care for and love me. Sometimes I feel like I don't even know why I'm so hopelessly in love with her, if she does this to me. But I can't help myself, I can't stop myself from loving her. I can't even fathom life without her. It's just she constantly brings up this fear I have inside of losing her, the fear that she'll leave. Because she does get distant, she does need space. And I know she has issues with comittment. She's never had a relationship longer than 2 months before, but I've made it to 2 months and a half.

I just feel like I have no idea on how to control her mood swings, and once she's caring and loving again, I forget how upset I was when she was distant. I forget how sad the thought of losing her made me, I forget of how I felt like I deserved better than to have her ignore me. But I can't help but be in love with her, I can't imagine not waking up to a text from her, not falling asleep to her voice on the phone. I can't imagine not putting my arms around her every weekend when we hang out, I can't imagine life without her.

I'm confused as to how I even feel. Sometimes, she'll just randomly get mad at me. Or she'll get distant and vague, as if she doesn't want to talk to me. And she mentions her commitment issues and she sortof just hints that it'll end soon. And it makes me feel horrible, like today.

Over the weekend, she cancelled our date and then said she needed space. She barely talked to me yesterday and today she said she was afraid of getting attached, she was afraid of having me rely on her. And I'm just sitting here, crying my eyes out, because I can't imagine life without her. I don't know what I can do.

[Wakeup]

Op: I'm storry this is happening to you however: I suggest to you the following .. it isn't pretty.

I've been dating this wonderful girl for 2 and a half months now. Before we started going out, she said she was scared to break my heart. She said she had commitment issues, she said she was scared of getting emotionally attached. She tries to avoid becoming emotionally attached so she feels like she doesn't have to please someone, so she can be whoever she wants to be. And she doesn't like clinginess, that pushes her away.

She's not so wonderful if she makes you feel like shit 5 days out of 7 now is she?

What she told you should NEVER be ignored in hopes that you're the stud that will be so studly that you'll make her forget her issues. It is a huge red flag that she was honest about to you but at the same time was her manipulative way to have a great excuse for her piss poor behaviour to you.

You stay with her a minute more and she will steal your joy until it will take years of your own therapy to overcome the emotional abuse she reaps upon you. She is no better and you are no better than the physically abused/battered woman that keeps returning to the very man that brutalizes her because "she loves him."

Google Boarderline Personality Disorder and tell me if any of the symptoms remind you of this woman you so naively call "wonderful." You're addicted to the sex and the little bit of attention she gives you. That's not love. Love doesn't treat you like you're disposible.

See your own councelor to help you overcome the damage she's inflicted on you and will continue to inflict on you if you insist on clinging to the little bit of short lived happiness she gives you.

Be like all her other ex's and cut it off before the 3 month mark. She's only good for one thing in the realm of relationships and being a loving and devouted partner to another is not it. Time you faced that fact, Op.

[curiousgurl29]

She told you from the beginning that she "was scared to break your heart", right? Well, maybe you should have listened a little more closely. She probably really doesn't want a committed relationship, but she really likes being with you. The thing that sounds confusing is that SHE IS clingy to you for three days, right? That sends some very mixed messages. I would definitely distance myself from her. Try to llimit your chats with her. You don't need to talk to her every day and then "break up". Slow down.

[Boisdevie]

She's on, she's off, she wants 'space'
Listen man, this 'relationship' is doomed. it is going nowhere. Why not try to find somebody like normal?

[jb1111983]

Mate, it takes two to tango. It takes you and her to make this relationship work. She clearly isn't playing her part well. She doesn't love you! You don't treat people you love like that. Learn to live without her. You well know you can do it without her. You just need to give up on her. Give up this hope that someday she's gonna change and realised how wonderful you've been to her. Very very unlikely to happen. She doesn't respect you. She's not worth it, man. I suggest you focus your time and energy on other important things in your life be it friends, family, career, sports, books, travel, etc.