I need help people... BIG PROBLEM, PLEASE TRY TO HELP

[3334]

Well, it's a long story but I'll try to make it short! I'm 26 she is 22, I'm originally from Israel she is originally from the Philippines. I arrived the USA two years ago, she lives here since she was 14. We meat in the college and we are dating almost a year now. I have no one here, I came all by myself and all my friends and family back in Israel, I came to the USA to study.

Ok, now the interesting part.

Our relationship is, I would define it "OK to GOOD" relationship, most of our fights are occuring because the differences of our cultures and the way we grew up. As you can imagine, her family, became kinda my family and I hang out with them every time they have an event or something like that, and it happens a lot !!! Unfortunately I don't know how to speak Tagalug which is the language they speak. Every event, I find myself, sitting next to many people and don't understand any of what they are talking about, what they are laughing about, what they are amazed about and so on and on...My girl friend aware of this problem but same time it doesn't seem to help the situatuion as she doesn't do anything about it! same time, I am not expacting her family to speak english for me! I'm not thattt special! but what I do want, is them to try!!! Every time there is a birthday or any type of event, it's strating at noon and ends at late night! I'm sorry! I cannot stay that long not with my family while suffering the fact that I don't understand nothing of what they talk about!!! What I don't mind to do! is to go to these events and stay until 8....9... max 10 pm! but my girl friend don't care about the situation! she having a good time and then she gets blind! HELLOOOO your boyfriend wanna go home after 6 hours here ?!!?! did u think of it ?!

what happens is! everytime I end up going home by myself at 9 pm and she stays!!! it freaks me out! I would never let my girl friend leave without me going with her! specially when I am trying to give from myself so much and stay there 6 hours! she cannot just say to herself, well ok, we have these events a lot! we been here for the last 6 hours and I know that my boyfriend doesnt enjoy, ok, lets just go home! ! thats what I would expect from her to do! it's not a wedding for god sick! just another evening with the family!!!

NOW YOU PEOPLE! TELL ME, AM I OVER EXAGGERATING ?! IF YES... I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW THAT! AND IF NOW, I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW WHAT IS YOUR OPINION AND ADVISE FOR ME TO DO WITH MY GIRL FRIEND THAT PUT ME LAST ON HER LIST!!!

thank u!!! (

[Cerby]

I'd say just stop going to the events if you don't want to stay as long as she does. When you leave its not like you're leaving her at a strangers house, they're family, she is safe there.

[missquinn86]

i personally dont see a huge deal in what she is doing?? If she is too much of a party animal for you, than tell her. Communication is everything

[gigigi4]

my bf is from a different culture than i am and his native language (and the native language of all his family and friends) is different from my native language (which is english), so i understand where you're coming from- it's frustrating to be at events or gatherings for a really long time, everyone is speaking a language you don't understand, and your significant other doesn't make an effort to make you feel included by trying to translate for you, talk with you, etc. and they also act shocked or they can't understand where you're coming from when you try to explain why you feel left out, bored, ignored, and so on. in our case, an additional issue was that he speaks english, so he can always understand what my family and friends are saying. this also used to cause arguments between us. what has worked for us is making a lot of time for the two of us to hang out together, so it's not always the big group situation, and then the language difference doesn't come up. i am also trying to study his language so that i can understand more and he feels like i am making an effort to learn more about his culture. good luck, hope this helps!

[3334]

Thank you all!!

The last comment was good but I think that this solution is good if you are looking into the future! I am a student here and I study to fly and do an engineering degree, I cannot afford any more time to learn new language, more than that that I am bad with languages

I really dont know what to do and how to fix it! I think that I would tell her that I wont come anymore to these events
so sad but it's the only think i can do that would stop this fastruation

[gigigi4]

i understand, it is really hard to find time for learning a new language, and it takes a really long time to reach a near native level (i'm not even close lol). i would recommend not telling her directly that you don't want to go to any more of the events- i'm guessing that she will perceive it as a confrontation and even an insult to her family, etc., around will probably cause an argument. maybe the next time she invites you to an event, suggest instead that you'd like to do something fun just the two of you (romantic dinner, drinks, movie, etc). if she is always unresponsive to those suggestions, then you should definitely address the issue more directly.

[3334]

I just told her moment ago that I think that the best solution is me not to come anymore... and I told her to explain to her family the real reason!
It doesn't seems to bother her sooooo much! which makes me feel stupid... all these times she letted me go home by myself and never came with me when I asked makes me feel soooo unsure about her love to me, I am really dont know what to do! it's so fastruating! I am so lonley here and it makes it much harder to think that we might just need to brake up! we fight a lot! it's so compicated

[Boisdevie]

If you really care for this girl then you'll have to learn the language. I'm English, my GF is French and I speak French. So I can talk to her friends and family - it's well worth the effort to learn.
An ex GF of mine was of Polish origin and I was happy to start to learn Polish - until we broke up but that was not because of language problems.

[Petit Papillon]

It's fun to learn foreign languages!

[3334]

Well, true, the learn their language is the best solution but unfortunately it's not that practical, I WISH !!!
I do love her! actually love her sooo much, and don't be wrong! whenever I can, I do try to learn her language... same time, it's sooooo hard! specially when I have so many calculus exams to make! haha....

I'm looking for a solution... It cause so many arguments and it makes our relationship so unstable... I wish there was a better solution out there!

But thank you all, if there are more idea I would love to hear!!