A question about f*** buddies !

[ilovecollege]

Looooong story short, I put myself in a FWB situation with a guy that I really like, and that not too long ago said that he liked me a lot and wanted to ask me to be his girlfriend once things with my ex died down (recent breakup).

Since he had real feelings for me before, and I was the one that kind of initiated the FWB situation for the time being, is that now the only thing he will see me as ? As in, did his "girlfriend material" feelings go away once we started getting in to this pattern ?

He still takes me out to the movies and stuff, and we laugh all night and just have a great time. But it always ends in sex.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You should invite him to do something in public during the day, that isn't going to end in sex. Just tell him that you're completely over your ex now and ready for a committed relationship, and see how he feels about it.

[smackie9]

Guys will do and say anything to get sex. He may have lured you into this situation with BS. As they say why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. Just a different perspective of a possability.

[VincenzoG91]

He still takes me out to the movies and stuff, and we laugh all night and just have a great time. But it always ends in sex.

Oh wow, that's horrible. I don't even know how you can hold up through such an ordeal, all that happiness on each date. You better hurry up and create some drama before he falls in love with you.

[ilovecollege]

Guys will do and say anything to get sex. He may have lured you into this situation with BS. As they say why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. Just a different perspective of a possability.

Yes, this is true, but I found out that he was telling other people as well that I was going to be his girlfriend (before he even told me this..:l ) so I have a hard time believing he would tell OTHER people this if he just wanted to tell me that to get into bed. This was about a month or 2 ago , where I am now I just dont know if those feelings are still "there".

[smackie9]

Tell him you want more than this and see what he says. If he still can't, then end it, because you are just wasting your time.

[ilovecollege]

Quick background, he told me he really liked me as girlfriend material and even stopped himself one night about a month or two ago when things were getting heated and said he didnt want it to be just sex. However, being freshly out of a hurtful relationship, i didnt want to jump right into anything new, so i kind of initiated more of a FWB situation, bc at the time i felt it was easier ? Idk. But now that weve fallen into this pattern, i think he became comfortable with it (hey, why not) and things havent really moved further i guess?

I told him one night out of the blue that I liked him. He was asking all these questions like how much I did and stuff, and i took the safe route and said that "it was between like and like-like" lmao. The next time we were together , i kind of told him again, during the deed haha, that i liked him. And his response ? "yeah, you told me that the other night." Where as a month before, he was stopping me from going too far and whispering in my ear, "you dont understand how much i really like you".

I dont understand, did the fwb situation, that i put myself in, cause him to lose interest ? But if its there before sex, isnt it there after too most of the time ?

And on a side note, if a guy was only using a girl for sex and doesnt want anything more, if she says she really likes him, isnt that his cue to run ? Im so confused haha..

[MerryH]

Ask him, not us. How should we know?

We can sit here all day and make assumptions and generalizations, and no one is going to give you the correct answer but him.

[Yet another guy]

things havent really moved further i guess?

They won't move any further unless you let them. He already told you he wanted it to be something more but you weren't interested. It's up to you to initiate things now.

i took the safe route and said that "it was between like and like-like" lmao.

To me, that sounds like saying "I'm still not interested in more than sex." Is that what you were trying to convey?

I dont understand, did the fwb situation, that i put myself in, cause him to lose interest ?

I don't think that fwb situation itself would do that. However, if a guys feelings are not answered they will fade in time. It would be quite possible that he has lost the interest. However...

whispering in my ear, "you dont understand how much i really like you".

...It sounds like he hasn't.

So the million dollar question is: Are you interested in him? Enough to risk the great thing you have going on? If you are, why not talk to him about it? And don't take a "safe route" where you don't actually say what you mean.
If not, well it's his problem if he's still interested. He doesn't have to stay and **** you.

And on a side note, if a guy was only using a girl for sex and doesnt want anything more, if she says she really likes him, isnt that his cue to run ? Im so confused haha..

Why? I don't think I would want to be fwb with someone I didn't like.

[Ugly_Idiot]

Sex is a HUGE part of a rship IMO. What's the big deal with ****ing all the time?

[smackie9]

If you are wondering if it was a mistake to just have sex with him? Yes it was. Do I think it has ruined your chances of being in a real relationship? Yes. Guys think differently about sex. If you give it up freely they don't look at you as GF material. Basically he is taking advantage of the sex and those feelings have now been cast aside. It would be best to cut him off. You can't make a guy fall for you by spreading your legs. There has to be a level of respect before that happens...I feel it's lacking here.

Like your mother must have told you, if you give in to sex quickly, they won't respect you. You want to see anything change, like I said, cut him off the sex. You will find out then how he actually feels about you then.

[Ugly_Idiot]

If you are wondering if it was a mistake to just have sex with him? Yes it was. Do I think it has ruined your chances of being in a real relationship? Yes. Guys think differently about sex. If you give it up freely they don't look at you as GF material. Basically he is taking advantage of the sex and those feelings have now been cast aside. It would be best to cut him off. You can't make a guy fall for you by spreading your legs. There has to be a level of respect before that happens...I feel it's lacking here.

Disagree 100%.

[devonbrown]

If anything, the FWB situation hasn't turned him off from being in a relationship with you. But your "I like you between like and like-like" game might turn him off.

The only thing that the FWB might cause is if he is worried that you might be doing that with others once you are in a relationship. Make sure to not give him any reason to doubt your sincerity.

And I agree with MerryH - Talk to HIM! Communicate. Stop playing games and just talk to him. If he is your friend, he will be receptive to whatever you have to say.

Good luck.

[smackie9]

Hey I just went around my workplace and asked the men I work with and this what I came up with.

[smackie9]

She won't put him on the spot because there is a probable gut feeling that there won't be a relationship after all. It's fear people, fear of the truth. I think FWB, with a sort of promise of a relationship is a pile of BS. It's already like a "relationship" so why can't he call it for what it truly is? I can see why she is confused. She is being played. The guys I work with have that suspision too. I say back off, and wait till he is so called "ready". Pfft.