Sex buddies, while one of the two have feeling for the other.

[skygirl]

Hi guys! i'm not sure what to do, so i came here for some advice. hope you'll be able to help me .

I'm 22 he's 24 and we dated for 3 weeks, i felt it wasn't it so i broke up with him. he's a sweet guy and he was really hurt because of the break up beacuse - he says - he was really in to me, deep feelings for me etc... (even though we dated for a short while). Both of us were sincere all along and never lied to each other, but there were stuff that botherd me about us and I didn't said anything because i didn'y want to "work" on such a young relationship, you know? so i broke it up.

the sex was... not bad a all, and i'd like to have him as my sex buddy, but i don't wan't to hurt him again. He's a guy, he won't say no to sex... so it's my decision to make. But as much as i want it i'm not sure it would be good for him to have me as his sex buddy while he hav feelings for me and I don't have feelings for him, I only like him the same way i like my friends.

what do you think I should do? Should I offer this to him..?

[xxazurexx]

I think you should leave the guy alone and let him find some other female who will actually love him and not just for his prick.

if you are that desperate for sex, buy a dildo.

[xxazurexx]

Should I offer this to him..?

And you need to get over yourself....

Who do you think you are? Miss Golden Pussy?

All of us women have what you have......aint nuthin special bout yours....lols

[skygirl]

I think you should leave the guy alone and let him find some other female who will actually love him and not just for his prick.

if you are that desperate for sex, buy a dildo.
And you need to get over yourself....

Who do you think you are? Miss Golden Pussy?

All of us women have what you have......aint nuthin special bout yours....lols

WOW girl, you don't have to be mean you know, (even tough it's easy for one to be a keyboard hero while in real life he/she's just a sad person).

Even though you full of yourself I'll respond to your posts just in case someone nice would come along:
I'm sorry I wasn't clear, he offerred ME to be sex buddies, I said no because I didn't think it would be good for him. another thing i didn't mention is that we both like some... unusual stuff.
and we dated for a really short while, we didn't knew each other before so he's not in LOVE with me or anything.

p.s.
in case you didn't mean to be mean to me i'm sorry for being mean to you.

[Raze]

I think you should leave the guy alone and let him find some other female who will actually love him and not just for his prick.

if you are that desperate for sex, buy a dildo.

HAHAHAAHA! That made me laugh. I completely agree. Get some sex toys and leave the guy alone. Sex will just make things worse.

[smackie9]

WOW man, you don't have to be mean you know, (even tough it's easy for one to be a keyboard hero while in real life he's just a sad person).

Even though you full of yourself I'll respond to your posts just in case someone nice would come along:
I'm sorry I wasn't clear, he offerred ME to be sex buddies, I said no because I didn't think it would be good for him. another thing i didn't mention is that we both like some... unusual stuff.
and we dated for a really short while, we didn't knew each other before so he's not in LOVE with me or anything.

Well why didn't you just say this in the first place. Don't be pissed off at what you got for a response.....

[Raze]

WOW man, you don't have to be mean you know, (even tough it's easy for one to be a keyboard hero while in real life he's just a sad person).

Azure is a girl. You just called here a dude. lol. More often than not, Azure has been giving people good advice. Also, you're judging someone before you even know them. Why don't you get to know Azure a little more before you make such harsh judgments?

Even though you full of yourself I'll respond to your posts just in case someone nice would come along:
I'm sorry I wasn't clear, he offerred ME to be sex buddies, I said no because I didn't think it would be good for him. another thing i didn't mention is that we both like some... unusual stuff.

What does that have to do with anything? So, you like some unusual stuff? Big deal. If you're going to be sex buddies, you're going to mess with each others' emotions. That's not cool. I still agree with Azure that you should get a dildo instead.

and we dated for a really short while, we didn't knew each other before so he's not in LOVE with me or anything.

Ok, I'm going to punch a hole in your logic. What happens when you actually meet someone you like and get into a relationship with that person? How do you think he's going to feel if you decide that you can no longer have sex with your so called sex buddy? Just because you think he's not in love with you doesn't make you innocent.

[SelflessnHumble]

Hi guys! i'm not sure what to do, so i came here for some advice. hope you'll be able to help me .

I'm 22 he's 24 and we dated for 3 weeks, i felt it wasn't it so i broke up with him. he's a sweet guy and he was really hurt because of the break up beacuse - he says - he was really in to me, deep feelings for me etc... (even though we dated for a short while). Both of us were sincere all along and never lied to each other, but there were stuff that botherd me about us and I didn't said anything because i didn'y want to "work" on such a young relationship, you know? so i broke it up.

the sex was... not bad a all, and i'd like to have him as my sex buddy, but i don't wan't to hurt him again. He's a guy, he won't say no to sex... so it's my decision to make. But as much as i want it i'm not sure it would be good for him to have me as his sex buddy while he hav feelings for me and I don't have feelings for him, I only like him the same way i like my friends.

what do you think I should do? Should I offer this to him..?

Consider what you have just told us, k?

(1) He is really into you/has deep feelings for you. ( You do not feel the same) -unfair-
(2) You actually did lie to him because you failed to communicate how you felt before dumping him (lie by omission)
(3) To you sex doesn't mean ANYTHING, in fact you felt compelled to grade it as "not bad at all"

If it is solely your decision to make: don't be selfish and heartless.
HE has feelings for you. Since he does: you will be stringing him along emotionally while you
have "meh" sex and while you feel nothing afterward...
Not only is this selfish but you have no self respect if you view sex as a hobby.

That is what you do.
You cut off all ties until he is ready to be just a friend.
Then if you two want to shack up as sex buddies without a strong commitment then that's on both of you.
Since you have now been made aware of these facts it is your duty to do the right thing because
he is emotionally compromised. Don't take advantage of him while he is in this state.

One last thing:

he's not in LOVE with me or anything.

You have ZERO clue how he truly feels.
Don't ass-u-me that you do. I mean C'mon.
You say he has deep feelings for you. Don't be naive.

[skygirl]

"Azure is a girl. You just called here a dude. lol. More often than not, Azure has been giving people good advice. Also, you're judging someone before you even know them. Why don't you get to know Azure a little more before you make such harsh judgments?"
I wasn't sure… anyway you can say "wow man" to girls, can't you?
Well I'll take your word for it, cuz I'm new here and haven't read much treds.
I don't think my post was harsher then hers.
"What does that have to do with anything? So, you like some unusual stuff? Big deal. If you're going to be sex buddies, you're going to mess with each others' emotions. That's not cool. I still agree with Azure that you should get a dildo instead."
But then, why did he ask me to be his sex buddy? I mean, if he knows it would be bad for him, why did he said it? (I can't ask him, because I don't want to call him and by doing so make him think of me  ).
I'm not afraid for my emotions, I can handle being hurt. I can't handle me hurting others. But I don't want a dildo! I want him - I'm thinking about us all the time and it driving me crazy. I don't know why I'm being like this.
" Ok, I'm going to punch a hole in your logic. What happens when you actually meet someone you like and get into a relationship with that person? How do you think he's going to feel if you decide that you can no longer have sex with your so called sex buddy? Just because you think he's not in love with you doesn't make you innocent."
If I or he, will meet someone else we'll stop seeing each other, or be just friends with each other. Neither of us is a player nor a multi-dater.
I haven't done anything yet! So for this moment I AM innocent, and he can't be in love with me, we know each other only for 3 weeks. I just really really want to call him and I can't. I'm not romantically interested in him, but I do like him as a person a lot and I miss him...
Sorry if my writing comes out a bit messy, I'm confused.

[SelflessnHumble]

"Azure is a girl. You just called here a dude. lol. More often than not, Azure has been giving people good advice. Also, you're judging someone before you even know them. Why don't you get to know Azure a little more before you make such harsh judgments?"

Look, it is quite clear that you didn't read my post and that your lack experience with men/relationships in general is small.
First off, don't deflect your issue by interjecting your conjecture with regard to Azure.
No one meant to offend their gender, k?

2nd, no one is judging you!
Based on your posts you have no clue what you just revealed about yourself do you!!??
We are making observations based on what you have said, nothing more.
IF you want advice from complete strangers that don't know you:
BE PREPARED to hear something you will not like and to take it like a mature adult and respect it.

It doesn't mean you have to like or praise it, just accept it -this is called mutual respect-

I wasn't sure… anyway you can say "wow man" to girls, can't you?

This is completely Irrelevant. Stop side stepping the real issue: YOU and how you view this situation with your ex.
As it is you are much too emotional as a person and that isn't' healthy when and if you cannot control them
in the face of adversity.

(I can't ask him, because I don't want to call him and by doing so make him think of me  )

This is an excuse and a cop out for you NOT taking the initiative and for not taking responsibility for your actions.
He is already thinking about you. Calling him does not make it worse if you just tell him the truth.

I'm not afraid for my emotions, I can handle being hurt. I can't handle me hurting others. But I don't want a dildo! I want him - I'm thinking about us all the time and it driving me crazy. I don't know why I'm being like this.

Newsflash: You CANNOT be intimate with someone knowing they have feelings for you while you feel pity and miss
him on some kind of friendship level. If you want him: You shouldn't have dumped him.
It is becoming increasingly clear that you just want sex and you feel it is O.K. to do so while he feels for you?
You can't handle hurting others.

(1) You already did when you dumped him: but this isn't on you because this is what you claimed you wanted.
(2) Having sex with someone you don't truly love nor feel the attraction and respect to warrant a committed relationship
-would illustrate that you DO in fact wish to hurt him and that you DO in fact wish to string him along for the ride.
-Then when you meet some new guy while having sex with your ex, you will be able to drop him in a flash! (He won't)

See?

I haven't done anything yet! So for this moment I AM innocent, and he can't be in love with me, we know each other only for 3 weeks. I just really really want to call him and I can't. I'm not romantically interested in him, but I do like him as a person a lot and I miss him...
Sorry if my writing comes out a bit messy, I'm confused.

There is nothing confusing about you!
You want your cake without getting the calories, carbs and fat content from eating it! (does not happen)
Liking him as a person: does not mean "I want him!" No, it doesn't.

Your priorities are all out of whack and you need some serious consideration of how relationships work
because as it is you don't know anything. He could be VERY infatuated with you.

You dumped him: The dynamic this creates is that you appear on some high ground while he is left
(still where you two were just days or weeks ago) while you are some where else!

You can call him but tell him the truth.
Tell him you don't respect his feelings enough to leave him alone. (telling him you want him and sex will string him further)
Tell him you cannot see him anymore period. You don't tell him "when I am ready I will call you" (because that is selfish)

3 Weeks and you gave it up that quickly?
There are too many red flags and as a result: You tell me: Did you do the right thing?
Did you make the right decisions? Look at what is on your plate? It's all messy and conviluted
even though what you must do is so easy to see!

Do the right thing.
Stop being selfish and only thinking about just YOUR feelings.
(This means it is irrelevant that you miss him and/or want him)

This means YOU need to grow up and learn that people's emotions aren't toys
and to some: having sex is the ultimate expression for their love for you, not some side activity or sport because "it feels so good..."

[skygirl]

Thank you.
1- True.
2- No, I didn't lie, a few hours after I started doubting being with him I ended things. Until that moment I was truly seeing us as future bf+gf and felling in love, the whole deal.
3- It's just an expression, it means good. Sex isn't meaningless for me, I feel dirty after even kissing someone I don't care about or don't really know. And this one I like and I trust him and – you know what? I'm just driving myself crazy maybe I do want him back, but I can't, I want him to be happy and sometimes I want the person he would be happy with, but sometimes I want him to be happy with some other girl, more stable than me.


"If it is solely your decision to make: don't be selfish and heartless.
HE has feelings for you. Since he does: you will be stringing him along emotionally while you
have "meh" sex and while you feel nothing afterward...
Not only is this selfish but you have no self respect if you view sex as a hobby."
Not a hobbey.. a physical need.. I'm not a machine, as I said, it's not only physical or meaningless to me, just not "making love" (and that's because I'm afraid to get hurt I'm not letting myself "make love").


" That is what you do.
You cut off all ties until he is ready to be just a friend.
Then if you two want to shack up as sex buddies without a strong commitment then that's on both of you.
Since you have now been made aware of these facts it is your duty to do the right thing because
he is emotionally compromised. Don't take advantage of him while he is in this state"
It seems to me as a good advice, I already cut off all ties because I knew that's what he needed (still have his phone number, but I haven't called or texted and I won't). I think I'll do what you wrote, but why does it feel so sad to think of waiting? I do miss him… I want at least to be a friend for him… I want someone to hold him while he's sad and he have only guyfriends who won't hug him…

" You have ZERO clue how he truly feels.
Don't ass-u-me that you do. I mean C'mon.
You say he has deep feelings for you. Don't be naive."
He doesn't know me well enough maybe it can be that he's in love with the girl he thinks I am, but not really in love with who I really am.

[Raze]

I don't think ANYONE knows who you really are because you keep contradicting yourself and rambling about nothing. I can't make heads or tails out of this thread.

[SelflessnHumble]

No, I didn't lie, a few hours after I started doubting being with him I ended things. Until that moment I was truly seeing us as future bf+gf and felling in love, the whole deal.

Do you know that if you feel something, and don't tell the other person that hangs in the balance...
That this is called Lying by omission. I'm not talking about you breaking up with him...

You mentioned here that:

but there were stuff that botherd me about us and I didn't said anything because i didn'y want to "work" on such a young relationship, you know? so i broke it up.

This doesn't sound like the same thing, meaning had it been you would have included
"a few hours after" -make sense?

Sex isn't meaningless for me, I feel dirty after even kissing someone I don't care about or don't really know. And this one I like and I trust him and – you know what? I'm just driving myself crazy maybe I do want him back, but I can't, I want him to be happy and sometimes I want the person he would be happy with, but sometimes I want him to be happy with some other girl, more stable than me.

You are distorting things here.
In a normal and healthy *committed* relationship you don't kiss someone that you care about or happen to know.
In a normal and healthy *committed* relationship you kiss someone that you are emotionally, physically and mentally connected with.
-If you are (connected) then WHY did you dump him? (I don't know doesn't work as an answer because you DO know, k?)

If you aren't then my original advice applies.
You have to know that when you are in a relationship: Things will happen.
Feelings will be hurt either intentionally or by accident. The important thing to learn
from this is that open and honest communication resolves issues and/or feelings of inadequacy.
-And if your partner (or anyone else for that matter) refuses to validate your feelings?
-Then they aren't worth the excrement that they extricate, make sense?

Everyone deserves to be loved, honored and respected.
This means that if you aren't in love with him, OR that you don't feel the attraction
a couple is supposed to feel for one another: You need to leave him alone.

Not confusing.
You may have commitment issues that need to be addressed, if so...What are they?
What are you so afraid of? You can't tell me of being hurt because you are basically falling to pieces
and you dumped him!

Not a hobbey.. a physical need.. I'm not a machine, as I said, it's not only physical or meaningless to me, just not "making love" (and that's because I'm afraid to get hurt I'm not letting myself "make love").

Your physical need is based on selfish reasons, not because you wish to express your love in exchange for receiving his.
Make sense? There is no difference between: Screwing, F'ing, and Making Love.
You are still giving up a precious gift which should only be reserved for a MAN that you love, honor and respect.

So it appears you aren't telling the whole story.
Why did you break up? Do you think he deserves to have his woman (which was you) withhold
the connection a man and woman should experience when they truly love each other? I don't think so.
If you make the excuse: "well, I don't want to get hurt" -you have no problem hurting him- See?

Hurting is HOW people grow and develop their character, moral and ethics.
Without getting hurt you have no idea what you're putting him through, nor how he feels.
He isn't going to really tell you the honest truth considering you dumped him.

It seems to me as a good advice, I already cut off all ties because I knew that's what he needed (still have his phone number, but I haven't called or texted and I won't). I think I'll do what you wrote, but why does it feel so sad to think of waiting? I do miss him… I want at least to be a friend for him… I want someone to hold him while he's sad and he have only guyfriends who won't hug him…

My advice is based on my experience dealing with both being the wishy washy guy who couldn't commit
so I could self preserve my own insecurities while having no issue revealing my mate's insecurities/exploiting them
for my own benefit just the same having to deal with a girl that wouldn't commit to me, while she had no issue
emotionally and physically stringing me along for no strings attached sex, THEN when it suited her?
She'd say: "I told you we were just friends with benefits, I'm not committed, I'm single!"

He doesn't know me well enough maybe it can be that he's in love with the girl he thinks I am, but not really in love with who I really am.

This begs the question:
Please tell me the truth what is going on?
I can honestly help you if you don't hide what you don't want known for the sake of
appearances. I don't care about that and I don't judge. I just give you my advice
based on my experiences AND based on my observations of what you did and of how you handled yourself.

You can PM me if you want but seriously...
You cannot go through life being someone else just so you won't get hurt.
If you do want to do this: The reality is is that it is your right to be how you are.

The solution in this case is:
-You cannot expect to have a meaningful and fulfilling/loving relationship because you are afraid.
-You cannot be with people under false pretenses because it suits your ego and your feelings (at the time) Nope.

-I'm not judging you. Choosing to have sex 3 weeks in tells me you don't think too highly of yourself.

You can't equate sex with love because some people DO! (he seems likely to have done this)
Sex is serious business for good-hearted people. Ask yourself HOW is he supposed to love you for
who you truly really are when you aren't even willing to allow him the opportunity to do so????