Hitting a plateau where it doesn't get better or worse

[Layna]

Hey everyone,

So my ex broke up with me two months ago, we kept in very sporadic contact where he kept telling me he loves me and would like a future again eventually (still does, I believe that much) until a month ago. Until then, I got a little better each day but that was partly because I very much clung onto the hope of us getting back together again. Then I found out he was already very busy with other girls, although he still missed and loved me very much. But that kind of helped me move on a little more since I deserve more than that.

Now since then, I have been getting better, and I would say I'm in a pretty OK place. I miss him, sure, I still think about him several times each day, and I think about both how it would be if we got back together again and also about how he is having fun with other girls. So I got a lot of mixed feelings, but it has been a few weeks since I last cried about this. I'm not 'happy', but I'm not absolutely depressed or anything. I'm OK.

But I've been 'OK' for quite a while now, close to a month. I've just got this 'blah' feeling that never goes in either direction... sometimes I'm a little sadder, sometimes a little happier, but it doesn't fluctuate much.
And I wonder how to get out of this. I got better and better and now I've hit a plateau and it doesn't get better (or worse) anymore. I guess I have to admit that sometimes I still hang on to the hope that someday him and I will give things a try again... and I still think (for reasons too long to discuss here) that that day will come, but not in the near future and it isn't something I want to get hung up on. But I still treasure that thought somehow. I already blocked him from chat, facebook and so on, and I try not to think about him that much.

What can I do to get over this plateau where I don't get better? I'm doing my best to keep occupied but I'm alone in a new city (his city to boot) and it's hard. I do a lot of stuff, but most of it by myself. Meeting new friends takes time. I've thought about dating again myself but so far nothing has come up. I would really like to meet someone or a few someones new and I guess it would help with this as well, but unfortunately I can't just snap my finger and the guys start queuing up...

[DarkHelmet82]

Hey everyone,

So my ex broke up with me two months ago, we kept in very sporadic contact where he kept telling me he loves me and would like a future again eventually (still does, I believe that much) until a month ago. Until then, I got a little better each day but that was partly because I very much clung onto the hope of us getting back together again. Then I found out he was already very busy with other girls, although he still missed and loved me very much. But that kind of helped me move on a little more since I deserve more than that.

Now since then, I have been getting better, and I would say I'm in a pretty OK place. I miss him, sure, I still think about him several times each day, and I think about both how it would be if we got back together again and also about how he is having fun with other girls. So I got a lot of mixed feelings, but it has been a few weeks since I last cried about this. I'm not 'happy', but I'm not absolutely depressed or anything. I'm OK.

But I've been 'OK' for quite a while now, close to a month. I've just got this 'blah' feeling that never goes in either direction... sometimes I'm a little sadder, sometimes a little happier, but it doesn't fluctuate much.
And I wonder how to get out of this. I got better and better and now I've hit a plateau and it doesn't get better (or worse) anymore. I guess I have to admit that sometimes I still hang on to the hope that someday him and I will give things a try again... and I still think (for reasons too long to discuss here) that that day will come, but not in the near future and it isn't something I want to get hung up on. But I still treasure that thought somehow. I already blocked him from chat, facebook and so on, and I try not to think about him that much.

What can I do to get over this plateau where I don't get better? I'm doing my best to keep occupied but I'm alone in a new city (his city to boot) and it's hard. I do a lot of stuff, but most of it by myself. Meeting new friends takes time. I've thought about dating again myself but so far nothing has come up. I would really like to meet someone or a few someones new and I guess it would help with this as well, but unfortunately I can't just snap my finger and the guys start queuing up...

im pretty much in the same boat as you... but im on medication which puts me in a apathy state... I wish I had an answer as I am curious myself.

[Enchanté]

I'm basically at this place as well. Though in my little plateau, I consider it huge progress from where I started. But i've come to realize that it's unlikely that one day I'll just wake up and never feel sad again. That one moment it'll just hit me, and I will have moved on completely, and be utterly content with my life. Wounds just don't heal like that. Humans seem hardwired for instant gratification, and we're especially prone to be impatient. Anything worth having or getting is probably going to take some time, as much as we don't want to wait. Granted, every situation is different, and people progress at different paces--you may find that in just a few weeks you're already moving forward, you just didn't notice it from where you're standing now. I think we tend to focus too much on things in the past, because it is familiar, and things in the future, because it is unknown which means it could be better than now; but honestly, we spend so much time dwelling on things out of our control, that we miss living the moments we're actually in. That doesn't mean you have to enjoy life every moment of every day, but try focusing on the little things, one day at a time. Concern yourself with what you'll do in ten minutes, or an hour, not what may happen months down the road. I know that may not be helpful, but when it comes down to it--all we can do is wait. That's why forums like these can be so helpful--because sometimes the waiting is hard as hell and we just want to know that we're not alone.

[DarkHelmet82]

I'm basically at this place as well. Though in my little plateau, I consider it huge progress from where I started. But i've come to realize that it's unlikely that one day I'll just wake up and never feel sad again. That one moment it'll just hit me, and I will have moved on completely, and be utterly content with my life. Wounds just don't heal like that. Humans seem hardwired for instant gratification, and we're especially prone to be impatient. Anything worth having or getting is probably going to take some time, as much as we don't want to wait. Granted, every situation is different, and people progress at different paces--you may find that in just a few weeks you're already moving forward, you just didn't notice it from where you're standing now. I think we tend to focus too much on things in the past, because it is familiar, and things in the future, because it is unknown which means it could be better than now; but honestly, we spend so much time dwelling on things out of our control, that we miss living the moments we're actually in. That doesn't mean you have to enjoy life every moment of every day, but try focusing on the little things, one day at a time. Concern yourself with what you'll do in ten minutes, or an hour, not what may happen months down the road. I know that may not be helpful, but when it comes down to it--all we can do is wait. That's why forums like these can be so helpful--because sometimes the waiting is hard as hell and we just want to know that we're not alone.

well said thanks

[Cerby]

f*ck someone else, now that you've reached a "plateau", its time to get a move on and force your feelings away from the ex.

Casual relationship FTW.

[Layna]

Enchante, it's very true what you wrote. Thank you for that. Those are things I ought to remind myself of more often.

Cerby - hahah, I would like to! :p Or at least date someone else. But there's a whole host of other difficulties associated with finding someone else etc...

[Posh_Yla]

Give your life a kick-start. You're comfortable where you at now, but that wont get you anywhere. Time to change something, do something for yourself. Pamper yourself, get a new haircut, buy a new dress, go out - alone or on a date - you deserve to celebrate. You did a good job reaching that stage. Now its time to conquer the next one. Find your happiness

[Warhawk]

Get a longbaord.