Any ideas, suggestions welcomed. Comments okay too...

[Ian Moone]

Hello. Recently my relationship encountered a problem. Let me start off with the facts and back ground.

So I got to know a younger lady, which turned into her liking me, she told me she did and I started to like her, over time we got to dating, we known each other one year when we started to date and it's been about 6 months of dating. Both of us love one another, think we match good, never had any fights, never mad at each other, and really she's been the best woman I ever been together with and love her to death...so on and so on but she lives in another town, maybe a hour and 30 minutes away... we are working to see if we can life together and got that planned.We both are fine with the long distance but want to always see more of one another, we get to see one another every couple weeks, one of us makes the trip and stay 3 to 4 days with each other. It's great, we love it. Last time I went to her was for the 4th of July and was around for 4 days total before heading back and it was a amazing time.

So I get back in and the next day I'm online waiting for her to show up to talk, we talk everyday to one another, normal... we love to hear from one another always... but I visit the profile page to mail some new pictures I took of us and after I mailed them I noticed the recent activity changed.... Basically All the photos of us where deleted on her page, and the comments, I was off the number one spot on her friends, her status said single and display pic. was a pic. of just her not us. She showed up late and told me before I could ask we had a big problem. I asked and come to find out her parents don't want us to be together.

Now to go into greater detail so you'll understand some things because I'm sure right now your wondering what the heck..
She is still living at home, has not the best paying job but always looking... so can't afford to move out but she also has health complications and been treated different than her sisters, babied for lack of a better word... Also don't think she's ready to do things or her own, afraid someone may take her, (like boy she got took),... u know cheated, tricked, fooled, etc. etc. In every area, buying, selling, dating... etc.... She is like this due to the isolation of her entire life, always did things for her so there was no risk or corruption. They only see it as being good protecting parents, over-protecting for sure, and I don't think that's all bad and her circumstances may needed it at a point too. Many parents wanna protect there kids like this, not saying it's bad in general, I'd do it too if I had a child, but too much leads to her situation or something like it... usually.

She is young, lacks much experience, (being isolated does this), but she always wants to learn and enjoys learning and listening, she gets it and understands first time mostly, she isn't lazy and wants more out of life.

She is 20 and I am 30. We both are fine with that. There is no problem with it either,... old is old, what I mean is 55 or 65... the world will see us as just an old couple. Few years difference has little to do with much..
She wants to move out, go to school maybe, find a better job, and life with me. She doesn't tell her parents about living with me, she's waiting for a right time, (I can understand that too), but scared to say much of what she wants unless they already know and agree with her. She did have me stop by to meet her parents, just Mom then... missed Dad that time. Later she told me I made a good first impression on her Mom and told me good job, it went well with her. I went to meet Dad about 2 weeks later but he got busy and they told me another time. 3rd times a charm. I meet him when I visited 12 weeks later, I tried to before that but never home or at work. Shook his hand and talked, I liked him personally, I enjoyed talking to him, and all seems on good terms. Later she told me he didn't say anything about me after. One detail though: Before I meet him she'd always end the topic of meeting her father with, "He's scary",... or "That's scary"... wether it was me and her talking or me her and her Mom talking... She wasn't thrilled about ,me meeting her Dad but said u will have to at some point, mine as well get it over with".. It's always Dad she said worried her, not so much Mom. Anyhow I meet them both only once, but made many attempts at trying to know them, but they'd tell her the couldn't or give an excuse. You think coming over to hang out there and watch a movie or something is that bad, maybe have dinner, heck I'd even of bought the entire meal and prepared and cooked my dish I know how to amaze many with. (Mom did invite me to stay for dinner when I meet her the first and only time but she changed in following weeks, [thanks Dad {I'm certain}], she gave excuses after when I told my girlfriend to ask about me visiting at there home...I hoped meeting Dad would change that, or maybe it really was nothing, (but didn't think it was).

I tried hard to find Dad available and I felt it was important he gotta meet and shake hands and talk to the man taking his daughter out places.. That was 4 weeks ago.

Now she told me her Dad didn't think any of his girls needed boyfriends, learned that after I meet him... pretty recent...
Yet her sisters boyfriend in the pictures at there home that I've seen online. It's isolating her,... he doesn't like his girls having boyfriends, but the sisters can, but when it's her it's a forbidden thing or something, me and her both learning that. I told my girlfriend it's your basic freedom and right to have a man in your life if u want. I guess he don't want the risk and/or want to allow the idea of her with a man at all. Now her parents told her the didn't want us to be together anymore.... which I understand Dad's anxiety bull headed issues, it's upsetting, but I'm more upset at her Mom, she meet me and liked me and told her that, Dad clearly is the only voice that speaks other than the other kids that moved out and away. Mom should have a voice, say her feelings and opinion and express differences if any are there in her eyes... I don't like dominated minds, and women should speak even if it's not in sync with the husband or what not... Even something like I thought he was a polite, safe, and humorous young man when I met him but your father isn't so sure, maybe make sure he's a good man before u rush into anything.... I'm sure Dad wouldn't like that but he'd at least get to know me instead of being afraid to know me because he knows he may come to him liking me perhaps. Maybe... Anyhow Mom knew of the good vibes and without knowing she has a mind of her own she withholds all experience of that and is just like yes father knows best. If they sat down and listened to each others thoughts and feelings they may of thought maybe I deserve a chance. Plus she told me Dad is kinda racist, which I understand how people get drawn into that and we both happen to be the same color or skin... it's nothing like that... I mention it because it shows the way of thinking within him.
I still hope to become better friends with them overall.

Now she still wants to have me as her boyfriend and I wish to have her as my girlfriend and we love each other same as ever but she changed all that profile stuff because it was to get them off her back basically. She don't liked being yelled at or in trouble she's said and is kinda afraid a bit of it all. We still talk even through they don't want her to, it's one big secret now, (I am), she did online chat with me in open view of the parents and said she didn't care if they seen.. she was upset about it all, mostly we text back and forth, harder to notice unlike online. Communication is fine but hard part is going to see one another.

Now understand I've told her already, "Hun your over 18, it's not a problem, just come live with me". She doesn't want to have to do that, she is fearing what will come of standing up to them.... she is kinda hoping to find another way. She is afraid to take the first step.

She is alone at home a lot and has been most her life she said. She doesn't like being alone. She also has moods of where she shuts down with no feeling or emotion and took a bit before she told me but she said she gets like that because she's tired of how life is for her and is like is this all it is, is this all it will ever be like... So isolation is effecting her, kinda hard to pull her outta of those moods for a couple days... but I do make her laugh and smile and let her know she's loved and cared for by myself. Concerned for her safety at work or any place I bought her a stun gun which her Mom told her she'd feel better about her going places if she had one, amazingly I already bought it and gave her it. She didn't tell her parents she's had it awhile now either, maybe they'd see how important she is to me if they knew... but that may not be enough for her parents...

Anyhow... your turn, ideas or things to suggest... I got some ideas and just advice that I know or may not know but blanked out on being as stressful silly as it is for me too... maybe I overlooked something...

Anything, help is welcomed, heck... even comments if nothing else.

I thank u all for their time and help. Thanks.

[MerryH]

Too many words.

I told my girlfriend it's your basic freedom and right to have a man in your life if u want.

No, not really. You're wrong here. She still lives in her parent's home. She needs to follow their rules. If she doesn't want to, she can move out and be a real adult. And as a 30 year old man dating a very young 20 year old, you need to be more conscientious about things like this. Don't encourage her to rebel. And for the love of god, don't move her into your place. You haven't been dating long enough for that, plus she needs to experience being an independent adult before ever moving in with a boyfriend. Everyone needs that.

But anyway, you must be leaving out key details because something's not right. Her parents were fine with her dating someone until you actually met both of them. Then suddenly they don't want her dating anyone at all anymore. I think it's pretty obvious that they just don't want her dating you anymore. So why is that? Did you piss off her dad? He just didn't like you? Is it because you're 30?

[Ian Moone]

The words are all for deatails so I don't have to type them later when people ask, but anyways....
"If she doesn't want to, she can move out and be a real adult"....That's what I am already saying...
As for the age this is a detail not the issue... I left one thing out for people like u, that is her parents never asked her my age during all that time once, I asked her and she told me they didn't really care to know, I left it out to basically show how influenced ur replies are and people like u, (this is your pet peeve other people don't have a problem and there's nothing wrong that). Not to mention I am young looking and can pass for some one close to around her age because that's not too many years apart, (u need to get over that, it's a detail, not the issue, I'm not asking about that, keep that peeve out please, thanks).
Furthermore I explained about why Mom's feelings have changed, because she lives in a dominated relationship somewhat... and yeah I ticked him off meeting him once and putting in the post that we shook hands and talked and how much I enjoyed talking with him, that's what happened that means I made him mad... he never knew of my age and clearly I already put why, he doesn't like any of his girls having relationships, her right and freedom is to have one in her life if she wishes.... u know did u even read the whole post, too many words make me think u read 1/4 of it and replied, u think I am leaving something out... like your a guru and know all. U assume too much and I am not leaving anything like that out, if I was then I'd have a reason and answer for a lot and therefore why would I even post...? Thanks but your not somebody that wants to help nor am I interested to here any more from u from here on really. Good day.

Too many words.



No, not really. You're wrong here. She still lives in her parent's home. She needs to follow their rules. If she doesn't want to, she can move out and be a real adult. And as a 30 year old man dating a very young 20 year old, you need to be more conscientious about things like this. Don't encourage her to rebel. And for the love of god, don't move her into your place. You haven't been dating long enough for that, plus she needs to experience being an independent adult before ever moving in with a boyfriend. Everyone needs that.

But anyway, you must be leaving out key details because something's not right. Her parents were fine with her dating someone until you actually met both of them. Then suddenly they don't want her dating anyone at all anymore. I think it's pretty obvious that they just don't want her dating you anymore. So why is that? Did you piss off her dad? He just didn't like you? Is it because you're 30?

[MerryH]

Why did you say, "Any ideas, suggestions welcomed. Comments okay too..." if you were just going to get defensive about some ideas, suggestions, or comments that were made? I didn't even say you shouldn't be dating her. Did you not notice that?

u think I am leaving something out

U assume too much and I am not leaving anything like that out

I left it out to basically show how influenced ur replies are and people like u

You DID leave it out!

I did read your entire post, and I did try to help. Can you go back and read your OP and take note that you did not ask a specific question? Here, I'll make it easy for you:

Anyhow... your turn, ideas or things to suggest... I got some ideas and just advice that I know or may not know but blanked out on being as stressful silly as it is for me too... maybe I overlooked something...

Anything, help is welcomed, heck... even comments if nothing else.

[Ian Moone]

MerryH I don't think you get most of it and u aren't helping. Please just stop replying, Thanks for your time anyways...

[lahnnabell]

I think you're just sore because you're not receiving the answers you wanted.

[Soreloser]

I don't think there's anything wrong with an older man dating a younger woman (within reason). Fathers, however, do... but only if it's the father of the daughter.

You graciously live in a culture that puts any and all focus on females. If a 20-year-old male wants to date a 30-year-old female, all's well and nobody cares. That being said, you should have figured this was going to happen to begin with. It was pretty-much a no-brainer.

[Ian Moone]

No it's the only reply that there was and it was not understood nor polite, he called me names in the next reply and was rude and so on so on. How much of the thread did u follow?

I think you're just sore because you're not receiving the answers you wanted.

[Ian Moone]

Thanks for the input & time.

I don't think there's anything wrong with an older man dating a younger woman (within reason). Fathers, however, do... but only if it's the father of the daughter.

You graciously live in a culture that puts any and all focus on females. If a 20-year-old male wants to date a 30-year-old female, all's well and nobody cares. That being said, you should have figured this was going to happen to begin with. It was pretty-much a no-brainer.