Changing Her Mind...

[senokotmax]

Five years together.

I panic and push her away.

She goes away.

I try to get her back.

She says no, she wants to be single, she needs space, there's nothing I can do to change her mind.

All noted and after five months of trying to convince her, I've gone NC (day 10).

Going out of my mind. There must be something I can do - and no "move on" isn't one of them. I'm keeping up NC simply for the purpose of giving her the space she probably needs. Not to heal myself.

Don't know what to do. She is my everything. Moment of madness cost me it.

[pisces25]

Don't you wonder why after 5 years together and only one moment of madness she won't give you another chance?

Maybe she felt relieved when the relationship was over. Maybe she wanted out but was too cowardly to end it and you did her a huge favour. The fact she doesn't want anything to do with you after all your efforts suggest she checked out long before this moment of madness of yours. Maybe she realised you weren't compatible after all. If she truly cherished the relationship you had she would forgive you and try again. As she doesn't want to do that you have no choice to but respect that and accept that.

You are really struggling to move on. You should talk to a professional and find out what is stopping you from progressing naturally through the stages of grief.

[jenfen]

hello Senokmax. I truly feel your pain I do, But i'm sorry to say i think your going about this the wrong way.
You are feeling a typical heart-break. My gf just ended a 10 year relationship we had. =(

Now i like to re-phrase the word "heart breaks" to "Heart breaking open". This hit me this morning when I walked outside to the local spar to buy some ciggarettes. I looked down on the floor and saw a birds egg,
and it hit me. We live in this world but nothing can stop the power of nature and transformation and no matter where we look we see these transformations happening in front of us. But we just dont open our
minds to it.

Here is a few examples:- a baby bird struggles so hard to break free of its shell because it has begun its transformation to growth, or maybe even a tiny plant seed has to crack open to grow into a strong oak tree.
Or even something as faggotty as a butterfly must tear away at its chrysalis in order to fly for the first time.

So how is all this shite relevant to me and you? Well I truly believe that my heart right now is going through another transformation, its cracking open to make me grow, to be a stronger person. Just maybe my heart is breaking
open to help me be a better person towards her.
No one can give you a complete guaranteed answer to win her back. So for the meanwhile you have to learn from the pain you are going through. And understand why is it happening to you. Only then you take
the first step to being happy again =) . Best of luck

[lazyblue]

Five years together.

I panic and push her away.

She goes away.

I try to get her back.

She says no, she wants to be single, she needs space, there's nothing I can do to change her mind.

All noted and after five months of trying to convince her, I've gone NC (day 10).

Going out of my mind. There must be something I can do - and no "move on" isn't one of them. I'm keeping up NC simply for the purpose of giving her the space she probably needs. Not to heal myself.

Don't know what to do. She is my everything. Moment of madness cost me it.

Sorry to hear you are still having a tough time. I'm a bit anxious about giving advice on this forum as im not that experienced with relationships, but i wanted to comment on your thread because you really helped me out on mine. Not sure whether you remember my story but 3 weeks ago tomorrow my (now) ex dumped me after 6 years together because he said that he thinks he doesn't love me like he used to. At first i thought i was never going to get over it and he was definitely the one for me. Anyway, these past few days i've been doing a lot of thinking and i'm beginning to realise that although i could have happily spent the rest of my life with him, i am no longer sure whether he is "the one". If he wanted me back, i am no longer sure whether i would take him back. I mean do i want to be with someone who is so unsure of us after 6 years that he just walked out of my life? Don't i deserve to be with someone who will stick by me no matter what? I accept that everyone makes mistakes and in my ex's case i think he has got very confused about how he feels/freaked out by commitment and that obviously couples do get back together, but the point is that for you two she may well be thinking along the same lines. After 5 months she has probably moved on. She might be enjoying single life now, i know i am certainly doing more things that i did when i was with my ex.

I don't really have any practical advice for you, people saying that you need to move on isn't particularly helpful because you can only do it when you are ready. But from a females perspective who is going through something similar, there is probably very little you can do to change her mind now. Its probably too little too late. Its good that you are sticking to NC- if she says she needs space then you need to respect that. All you can do is give it time.

I guess the only thing i can suggest is go out there and try new things. Don't say 'no' to any new opportunities right now. Thats what i am doing and think it really is helping me to move on.

[senokotmax]

I just have to get her back. I have to. There's a reason I can't move on - because moving on is not the answer. Getting her back is the answer... I just can't figure out how!

[Mathias]

I just have to get her back. I have to. There's a reason I can't move on - because moving on is not the answer. Getting her back is the answer... I just can't figure out how!

No, you're in denial.

Admit this, then start moving on.

[DarkHelmet82]

No, you're in denial.

Admit this, then start moving on.

I thought the same thing.. you will eventually come to the realization that you do not need or want her... Mathias is right

[HeartIsAching]

You're hosed. Sorry dude.

Ad as Pisces said, there's likely a reason she won't take you back.

From your attitude, I'm guessing control issues.

[that one guy]

I just have to get her back. I have to. There's a reason I can't move on - because moving on is not the answer. Getting her back is the answer... I just can't figure out how!

As much as it pains you to hear this, it must be said. You can't force someone to love you. If the feelings between you two are not mutual, it won't work. It's called a break up because everything is broken. You're in the denial stage of grieving. Just keep reminding yourself that this will pass. I've been where you are and, in most cases around my mind, I'm still there. I'd love for my ex to come back and we could start fresh but until she makes the decision to start thinking about us rather than herself, it won't happen. I can't sit here and promise you that it'll be easy or another person will come along but you need to start the recovery process for YOU and no one else. For your sake and the sake of your sanity, start to move on.

You. Can't. Force. Love.