Changing for yourself, for someone

[gazman]

Hi
This is literally the first time Ive ever posted on a forum, but I just felt as though I should try to find out peoples opinions and see if there is any advice.
Ok, so my girlfriend broke up with me last week. We'd been together for 5 and a half years, minus a 3 month break up last year that Ill mention shortly.
Im 26, shes almost 24. We don't live together because neither of us have a stable income at the moment.
Basically, we spent the week together and everything seemed fine. I mean, there were a few tiny hiccups, but fine. She would stroke my hair, kiss my shoulder when she cuddled up to me in bed, hugs, kisses, smiles, everything normal. Until Saturday morning when I called to say hi and she said "we need to talk."
A little out of the blue, I thought. However, I do understand some extent of her reasoning. As I said, I dont have a stable income. Im a private guitar teacher, and while it does put money in my pocket, it doesnt put much in the bank. I left uni to teach in a studio and thought that would be my carreer, but the studio closed. Back to square one, I started doing lessons privately, thinking Id get something more substantial eventually. Then I got comfortable. I had an awesome girlfriend, I was working in music, I always had money in my pocket, I was content. But not thinking to the future, which I really wanted.
So, like I said, we split up last year over this for 3 months. It was hell, I was torn up inside, it felt like Id been ripped apart. But then after 3 months, we bumped into each other and the feelings flooded back for her and we got back together. We really were in love, I was so happy.
She finished her uni course and got a job as a teacher for a year. We could have moved in together, but since she didnt know if shed have a job by the end of the year, we thought it would be wiser to save until our income was stable enough to support us. Plus, we wanted to start with a mortgage instead of rent, but I digress. Anyway, this meant that she had weekends free but not much time during the week, so we always had our weekend together, and knowing I had that, again I was content. But then she finished for summer, and me still having not changed, thought that we could finally spend all our free time together. The guitar lessons dont take up much of my day, so the other part of my day is spent just wanting to see my girlfriend. Which I now know is bad, but I didnt see it at the time. I was thinking about seeing her whenever I could, but I wasnt really thinking about her life and her friends, so in trying to be loving and together, I came across more possessive. It was a recurring argument, and fueled by the fact that I had no money to go on holidays or trips, I wasnt really promising a great summer after she'd worked so hard.
So yeah, as you can see, I didnt change over that year, and again a mix of it all brought it to a head and she broke up with me again.
My point to all this is that I KNOW now that I should have changed. The few days of waking up without her and being alone all day made me realise just how empty my life is. She said she couldnt be with someone who wasnt happy with themselves, and I didnt even realise until I was alone. When we met, I was in uni, I had a job, I was in a band, I had a lot. So much so, that she wanted us to stay together while she we went abroad for uni for 9 months. We visited, we wrote each other, spoke on the phone. I was a guy back then that she really was in love with.
So, my point is. Over the past few days, I have finally grown up. As well as keeping my tutoring "job", I have got to the final interview for 2 new jobs. I have also made progress to starting a new band. For the first time in a long time, I feel genuinely proud of myself. I feel like I can see a future for myself now, but I still feel empty because the future HAS to have her in it. Shes my best friend, and the girl of my dreams.
Im on the road to being the person I was, the person she wanted me to be, and Im doing it for myself. Im doing it so my life has a purpose, and enjoyment, and a reason. I know my faults, and I know her reasons, and I know the reasons for my faults. I know I wouldnt be so possessive if I had more in my life than just her. I know now that I need her to be part of my life, not my WHOLE life. But I hope its not too late....
I know Ive rambled on a bit here, but I havent really had a chance to get this off my chest in one go yet. I really love her, and have done for a long time. I just want her back.
Do you think I have any chance at all?

[Raze]

Nope. You messed up by being overly possessive.

Also, why would you? There's clearly a reason that you felt you had to be overly possessive. Did you trust her when she went with her friends? Afraid that something would happen? Maybe, you're just not comfortable being by yourself?

I once heard someone say that before you begin a new relationship, you must spend lots of time with yourself to know yourself better. Take this opportunity to get to know yourself more so it doesn't happen.

I still think there's something you're not mentioning that caused you to act so possessive.

[xxazurexx]

How are we supposed to know and if you stand any chance of getting her back, we don't personally know her.

The fact you may have made changes and for the better doesn't guarantee that anybody will come rushing back and because sometimes changes can come 'too little, too late ... the damage has already been done.

The only way you will ever know and if you stand a chance with her, is to get in touch with her.

[gazman]

There is literally NO reason Im overly possessive. I trust her completely, and I have no problems with her friends. Like I said, it is simply because I had nothing else in my life, and I wanted to have her to myself all the time.
And I understand what you mean about getting in touch with her, but its been tough. My 6 month old niece was admitted to hospital with a fractured skull and swelling 3 days ago, and since my ex was part of my family, I called her to let her know. Obviously, this breaks the whole "no contact" thing, and Im not gonna try and convince her to give me another chance while telling her my niece is in intensive care.
Like I said, I made mistakes, but I feel as though they could have been remedied with her telling me I was doing it, instead of it building up. She never showed a single sign of a problem, though. Aahhh....... in danger of sounding sad, I really cant stand not being with her. I miss her a lot. Shes always been there for me through everything, and its ironic that the one person I want to go to about the break up is the one person I cant....

[vashti]

I think if you show her over time (6 months to a year) that you can act like a responsible grown-up (with a real job, hobbies, and savings account, etc.), she might take you back. If she doesn't meet someone else first. But she may have grown tired of waiting for you.

The thing is, she obviously cares about you, since she went to the trouble of being with you, breaking up, and taking you back, but she has grown up, and needs to be with another grown up.

But your efforts to grow up should be for your OWN benefit, because you need to grow up. She may appreciate the change, but you arethe one who will ultimately reap the rewards.

[gazman]

I know she cares. And the bad times were few and far between. And when they did happen, other than last year, we never go to sleep angry.
Sigh.....
Thanks for the replies, people. I appreciate it. I know its up to her and I need to be patient, its just really hard. I feel like Im missing part of me, and no matter how much I try to fill the void with work or friends or hobbies, it just isnt enough.
A week ago she was making plans for my birthday and then without even an argument, its over.
And it happened over the phone....