What is Love?

[lahnnabell]

Is that a typical settlement in the States? What if she chooses not to work? What if she claims work incapability? Wouldn't a judge allow her to stay in the house and force muddblood to pay forever? In most European countries, the alimony serves to protect the kids. If you get joint custody, the wife gets nothing since the husband is already paying to raise the kids half of the time. The wife (or the non-working parent in general) can claim benefits from the state if she has financial troubles raising the kids. I hear Canada is very social like that too.

Well, if she CHOOSES not to work then she's screwing herself. He's not responsible for her as a human being. If she's incapable of working she's also eligible for unemployment, but she's perfectly capable of working. Alimony and child support are two different things here in the states. Or am I wrong about that?

[IndiReloaded]

Are you a lawyer(sarcasm, that's me)?

Ha, not a chance. I'm no lawyer. Only now have you managed to insult me (joking, sort of).

That makes a lot of sense! Sorry for the name calling. I sure feel trapped!!! So lets say alimony happens; how is she gonna leave now? Do I get another place for her now, or say here's money find your own place? A couple of my friends say I give her 60 days to get a job or she's off to live with her mom in OH.

Well, I would say you should be the one to leave, but this is where you should get some legal advice. There can be penalties for leaving (abandonment?) without counting your ducks. Get something in writing, like a separation agreement, if this is where you are headed.

[IndiReloaded]

Is that a typical settlement in the States? What if she chooses not to work? What if she claims work incapability? Wouldn't a judge allow her to stay in the house and force muddblood to pay forever? In most European countries, the alimony serves to protect the kids. If you get joint custody, the wife gets nothing since the husband is already paying to raise the kids half of the time. The wife (or the non-working parent in general) can claim benefits from the state if she has financial troubles raising the kids. I hear Canada is very social like that too.

Oh, I have no idea. I just made up those numbers b/c they seemed reasonable for the amt of time they've been married. I don't think a judge can force anyone to pay for someone else forever tho. Alimony isn't for kids, tho, that would be child support, they are different I think. Again, tho, I am not an expert on this subject.

[muddblood]

You sit down and you have a serious discussion. You tell her that you're not happy and you haven't been for a very long time. Tell her that it's gotten to the point that you are content to look elsewhere to have your needs met because this relationship isn't what you want. (This does not make you a bad person in any way) Tell her that you would like a divorce and that you've already gotten the advice of a lawyer (definitely do so before you talk to her about your final decision). She will be very upset. She will probably plead with you and ask you why. Be honest. The more honest you are the more she has to face the reality. Don't give her room to negotiate either because she'll probably try to. Then go out for a while and leave her some time to think and compose herself. Maybe even spend the night at a buddy's place or a hotel so that she can really have some solo time and you won't have her badgering you all night. At this point, it needs to be a very business-like decision. You don't have to be cold or cruel, but you do have to be firm.

When my ex and I broke up he did me the courtesy of leaving me alone as I packed my things. I had alone time so that I could scream and cry and I could quietly pack my things in peace.

Sorry for the delay in responding, I had to run to the store and cook dinner (yes I can cook and much more gooder (Yes I know gooder is not a word) than my wife). I've done this through numerous emails (haha, electronic paper trail!), and the funny thing is when I told her about my feelings for this girl at work way back in late January/early February, SHE is the one that said if the sadness and depression (on her end) don't go away soon, we'll have to split up. Now it's 7-8 months later, she is MORE depressed than ever, seeing a psychiatrist and on antidepressants, and I say lets get divorced, she doesn't want to. I'm even to the point that I've cut her off sexually and I've been sleeping on the couch for the past 3-4 months, (don't worry, it's quite comfy and super huge). My wife as so much junk that it's almost be easier for me to leave.

[muddblood]

WOW!!! So many posts I can't keep up!!!

HeartIsAching - Most wonderful post, and it really does anwser my question. Thank you very, very much!!! You seem like a quiet person, but this is EXACTLY how I feel toward this girl at work.

Maxmax - At least the pizza and ice cream won't ever break your heart. Sure, you'll run out, but you can always get more at the store!

Jolicoeur - WOW!!! So much to say, but first I'm so sorry you will never get your love. There will be other though, I promise. Rescue my girl? I don't want to rescue her or save her. I did that with my wife and look where we are now. She even told me I saved her and wrote a story about me saving. I'm done saving people. I hear ya about coping with the feelings and the agony. I spent about 10 of those 18 years knowing in my heart my high school sweetheart would come back to me and we'd live happily ever after. Never happened, BUT once I realized and understood my feelings for this girl at work, I also realized I was holding onto my feelings for my high school sweetheart. Basically just found someone else to cling too, just like I will do again and again and again till I find what I am looking for. And yes the way you feel about this girl is the EXACT same way I feel about the girl I work with. I just wanted to make sure I was truly feeling "love" cause I've only felt that for one other - my high school sweetheart.

lahnnabell - Men get screwed big time in divorce settements, even though I have the stable job and healthcare and car and house and the means to support myself and the kids. If we don't use mediation, I'm gonna fight for full custody no matter how much it costs. I've already looked into it and if we were married for 20 or more years, she'd be eligible for lifetime alimony. I'm NOT gonna wait that long. I'll let everyone know what the lawyer says.

IndiReloaded - Lawyer=insult but a hole does not? I'm beginning to like you! I feel like I should leave too because I am the one that WANTS to leave, but the dilemma is the house - it's my name on the mortgage and my credit and my money paying for it. My friends say I need to kick her out cause she's done nothing to help fincancially. And yes, alimony or spousal support is different AND SEPERATE from child support.

Whew, I think I got everyone. If not, I'll re-read all this and reply back.

[HeartIsAching]

HeartIsAching - Most wonderful post, and it really does anwser my question. Thank you very, very much!!! You seem like a quiet person, but this is EXACTLY how I feel toward this girl at work.

LOL, I'm anything but quiet. I'm brash, extroverted and loud... but I've achieved some peace and clarity in my life in the last couple of years, and I've gotten married to the perfect (for me) woman.

[uri]

I don't think I even believe in love per se. I haven't experienced it yet and with all the shit going on in the world, I think our world is seriously lacking it.

[maxmax]

Love is this ...

[muddblood]

LOL, I'm anything but quiet. I'm brash, extroverted and loud... but I've achieved some peace and clarity in my life in the last couple of years, and I've gotten married to the perfect (for me) woman.

I am so jealous - I WISH I married the perfect woman (for me). Good for you that you've achieved peace and clarity.

[muddblood]

The funny thing is that Love is not that complicated! As long as you:
a.) Know yourself
b.) Trust yourself
c.) Love yourself

.....You will have no problem identifying love when you feel it!

That is my biggest problem now - I have changed drastically and I feel like a completely different person, and I am just now beginning to love myself. Oh and i don't really trust myself either. I'm screwed!

[muddblood]

I don't think I even believe in love per se. I haven't experienced it yet and with all the shit going on in the world, I think our world is seriously lacking it.

Awwwww...that's too bad. I have experienced love only twice in my life, but one woman wants nothing to do with me, but still greatly enjoy talking to her every day.

[muddblood]

maxmax, what do you mean that love is blind? Funny picture though!

[HeartIsAching]

I am so jealous - I WISH I married the perfect woman (for me). Good for you that you've achieved peace and clarity.

Make no mistake - it was a long and rocky road. I waited 20 years to get her, but she was worth the wait.

If this woman is really worth the wait, she will, and you'll work towards it.

[muddblood]

Make no mistake - it was a long and rocky road. I waited 20 years to get her, but she was worth the wait.

If this woman is really worth the wait, she will, and you'll work towards it.

Thanks. I REALLY need to know I'm making the right decision and statements like this make me think I am.

[Jolicoeur]

Basically just found someone else to cling too, just like I will do again and again and again till I find what I am looking for. And yes the way you feel about this girl is the EXACT same way I feel about the girl I work with.

With the slight difference that I can't stop thinking about her while you seem to be over her and looking for the next one. I don't mean to disrespect your feelings, but to me my girl feels like the one and only, even if I don't believe in this kind of thinking. (Feelings and common sense are two different things).

I just wanted to make sure I was truly feeling "love" cause I've only felt that for one other - my high school sweetheart.

And how do you know you'll find someone else that makes you feel like that? I've been in love before, but those past feelings were mild compared to what I experience now.

There will be other though, I promise.

I realise that statistically speaking there must be thousands of other near-perfect girls out there. But I spent decades finding one that I really like, so the probability that I'll find another one soon is very slim. And right now, I don't even want to look for someone else...