Rude to the new person?

[im_in_love]

Sorry if this is long. I feel like this may be the wrong place to post this, but I'm going to anyway in hopes I get atleast some feedback.... Basically, I'm a pretty paranoid person. I'm always afraid someone's watching me, judging me, talking about me, thinking negatively about me, etc. When I hear people whispering or talking around me and I can't clearly hear what they're saying, I assume they're talking about me. It's paranoia, I know, but I can't help it. I'm very aware of my movements, body language, and facial expressions because of this. I'm almost never relaxed around other people.

Now to get to the part I need help with... I've recently started a new job. I've been placed in a "team" of other people that I sit near. I don't necessarily interact with them, but I'm near them all the time and have the same breaks/lunch. I've gotten strong suspicions that a few of them have been talking badly about me on a number of occasions. The first time I got this feeling was when I was coming back from lunch, walking about 5 feet behind one of the guys on my "team" and another guy that I did not recognize - when we got near the door, the guy on my "team" barely opened it enough for himself and his friend to get through. I was able to catch the door just before it closed and locked so I could get through. When I caught up to them I heard them chuckling and the guy I didn't recognize said something to the other, to which he replied "Yeah, I thought about it." and then they went on walking in front of me, still talking quietly. Being how I am, I assumed the first guy said something about how they should have closed the door behind them.

The second time I got this feeling, was also when coming back from lunch on a different day. The same guy from the last incident, another girl on our "team" and I caught up with eachother at the time clocks at my work. Right as I walked by them, I heard the girl turn to the guy and whisper something to him. I heard "Oh my god..." and what I THOUGHT was "the smell" and then she started whispering very quietly. I was less than 2 feet away at this point. Now I just want to point out that I do NOT have any hygiene problem. In fact, I've often been complimented on my perfume, which I was wearing at the time. We all turned to start walking, and they were a few feet in front of me at this point. They had been whispering the whole time to each other. I heard the guy say "Yeah, that's exactly what she is" all the while both of them kept looking back to see if I was there, and then looking away behind me for a brief second, and then kept walking. They whispered to eachother the whole time we were walking, and there was no one else near us.

I was just wondering what "normal" people would think in this situation. I know that I'm very paranoid, so I'm well aware that I could be freaking out over nothing here.

What bothers me most is the fact that none of them talk to me, look at me, or even hold the doors open for me if I'm right behind them. I make a point to ALWAYS hold the door open for them (the doors are a pain because they lock once they close, and you have to scan a badge to open them) I do this to "kill them with kindness" because none of them ever do it for me. I want to make sure they notice that I always hold the doors open, because I am a very nice person, although shy. I've never had this problem with anyone else in the building, just with my "team" This makes me fear there's some sort of conspiracy or that they all have something against me, even though I've been nothing but nice to all of them.

There are more incidences that I've been paranoid about, but they're not as severe as these, and can easily be written off as personal problems in the other person's life so I don't look into it too much.

[bulrush]

1. Your perfume may be too strong for them, thus their comment about "the smell".

2. They may not hear you walking behind them when they open a door, and they may not have been talking about you. You didn't hear the whole conversation, you are simply making assumptions.

3. You might benefit from some counseling. See if you can get some help. It is not normal assuming everyone is talking about you, you are not that important. Ok?

[im_in_love]

1. Your perfume may be too strong for them, thus their comment about "the smell".

2. They may not hear you walking behind them when they open a door, and they may not have been talking about you. You didn't hear the whole conversation, you are simply making assumptions.

3. You might benefit from some counseling. See if you can get some help. It is not normal assuming everyone is talking about you, you are not that important. Ok?

I'm pretty sure I made it clear in my OP that I am very paranoid and KNOW that I'm only making assumptions, you don't have to make me feel worse about that, thanks.

As for your 3rd comment, I found out today that they were in fact talking about me. They were doing it again and I overheard and asked. It wasn't bad like I had thought, but I was right about feeling that they were talking about me.

Oh... And looking back at my first post, it seems as though I left some things out. When I was talking about being upset about them not holding the door open for me, it's because they turn back and actually LOOK at me (well, they look back to see if anyone is behind them) and still don't bother to hold it, and one of them even pulled it closed behind him (he's actually very rude to my face, not sure why)

[MaidenMinx]

Sweety, when you have difficulties socialising, people that are confident can see it all over you. It's the typical bully mind set and it sounds to me you are being bullied all be it subtly. Maybe have a quiet chat with human resources if it is making you too uncomfortable.

Have you ever sought help for your anxiety etc.? I really think you would benefit from some counselling and maybe medication.

[oldskool83]

you know you have a problem, do do anything to rebal, go have a frew beers to take your edge off, if it does and you act different you def should be on some medication. i hate to sound like a dick but if you act weird your gonna be treated not the same. ya dont ya just work with the group swear alittle bit make them laught, what ya go to loose. sounds like you only have yourself anyway.

im sorry it truth hurts butim being honest.

[Mathias]

go have a frew beers to take your edge of

Please don't do this.

[im_in_love]

Sweety, when you have difficulties socialising, people that are confident can see it all over you. It's the typical bully mind set and it sounds to me you are being bullied all be it subtly. Maybe have a quiet chat with human resources if it is making you too uncomfortable.

Have you ever sought help for your anxiety etc.? I really think you would benefit from some counselling and maybe medication.

Thanks for an actual helpful comment! I am currently seeking help for my anxiety/social awkwardness. The thing is, I'm usually very good at ignoring my anxiety and being very social - but in certain settings like this, where I'm thrown into a huge group of people that I don't know, and who all already know eachother and have their set relationships, I seem to clam up and become very uncomfortable.

I've been able to, recently, start talking to one of the ladies on my team who is very nice and fairly new herself.

[im_in_love]

Please don't do this.

Don't worry, I couldn't even read their comment, it was so illiterate.

[smackie9]

You already know there are issues, and you have found professional help, so why ask us for our opinions when you already know the answers to your questions?? don't pooh pooh people out for trying to help.....no one here was shooting you down.

[MerryH]

Yeah, OP, you've been rude to people trying to help you here. Every single time you responded to a comment, you were sarcastic and insulting. Do you act this way at work? Maybe your coworkers don't like you because you're kind of a bitch?

[IndiReloaded]

Bring cookies. Seriously. People aren't generally too deep. It will have the following effect:

1. Those who were being mean will feel like asses.
2. Those who were neutral will be inclined to like you.

[MaidenMinx]

Thanks for an actual helpful comment! I am currently seeking help for my anxiety/social awkwardness. The thing is, I'm usually very good at ignoring my anxiety and being very social - but in certain settings like this, where I'm thrown into a huge group of people that I don't know, and who all already know eachother and have their set relationships, I seem to clam up and become very uncomfortable.

I've been able to, recently, start talking to one of the ladies on my team who is very nice and fairly new herself.

That is a good start. I can relate to the awkwardness of some work teams. I have left plenty of jobs because the anxiety of being outside the team was too much. Keep plugging away and you'll get there.

Oh and I agree with Indi about taking cookies, or any other home baked treat. Pass it off as left overs from a gathering you'd been obliged to bake for if you feel awkward about it.

[Magnificent_Btd]

The problem is with your co-workers not yourself. Some people are just idiots and bullies and that probably what the guy who is whispering and can't be bothered to hold a door for you is.. Take the initiative talk to some in the group, just to break the ice. If that doesn't work then confront them and ask them what the problem is.

It is not a good working environment, and if they are intentionally ignoring you, it has to stop, inform your bosses of the situation and they maybe to help.