This is a long story but I’ll try to shorten it best I can.......
I left an abusive marriage 14 years ago and remained celibate by choice. No desire for a man whatsoever. A few months ago, I began getting sexual stirrings and feeling lonely.
I joined an online dating site and met the most wonderful man, we hit it off right away.
We had so much in common that it was downright scary. We instant messaged/emailed for 2 weeks and this man kept me in tears from laughter, he was so much fun! We met and still clicked in person. On our 2nd date, I went home with him.
What a disaster! After so many years of no sex (which he knew about up front), I was sooo dry-- even with lube-- and sex was very painful. It took a long time for him to even be able to penetrate. We did manage to climax together and he was very understanding and tender with me.
I didn’t hear from him for 2 days and then it was an email stating all I did wrong that night.
--I kept clamping down on him, vaginally, not allowing entry so that meant I really didn’t
want him.
--I didn’t fondle his penis-- I was in such pain that I couldn’t focus on taking care of his
needs as in fondling him/his penis.
-- I went to bed in my underwear (“Who goes to bed, for sex, with their clothes on?”). I told
him I like to have them taken off, a form of foreplay for me.
I was very hurt by all the criticism but we eventually got it all sorted out. I had to start hormone treatments for my dryness and he was very patient and would wait for me to heal. We saw each other a few more times.
Then, out of the blue, he asked me to move in with him. I told him I wasn’t ready for that and explained how my lifestyle is-- very organized, all of my little idiosyncrasies, and he made fun of me, putting me down, my ways were stupid. That upset me and I told him I didn’t need any more criticism from him. He told me he didn’t want to see me anymore because of my attitude, that he didn‘t think my temper was ‘cute‘ and that I had no reason to be mad! What????!!! So, that was the end.
That was over a month ago. Now, I’m healed and very sexually ready-- it’s all I can think about, like I’m obsessed! I want to get in touch with him again and try again to make things right. I want to show him I am much better in bed than he ever thought of. Plus, I miss him something terrible.
Am I crazy for even wanting to do this?