A big thankyou! :) and more advice?

[JadenMia]

Hey all, first i wanted to say thankyou to those who gave me advice and for helping me see the light with my ex.
I felt lost all the time but people on here really helped me see what was going on and see the whole picture. I feel like i have my priorities in life in order and just feel like a better person overall!
I no longer feel that drowing sadness, instead i wake up, sometimes feeling like i miss his company but not him. I no longer wish he was in my life and i have surrounded myself with positive people and its doing wonders!

So, i have been hanging out with my closest friend i have here, she has been a god send. Just having someone around and going out and seeing old friend's faces has been awesome. It has made me realise how life was before i met my ex and what i have been missing out on. Life is just good right now, there is always room for improvement but knowing i am on my way to success is enough to keep me smiling.

Now for my question..
I have been going out to see friends and whatnot one day a week, my mother looks after my daughter which really has helped alot. And everytime i go out, i have been having a blast. Just being able to laugh with friends and knowing not everyone thinks so low of me makes me feel so good. But! There has been a guy hanging out with my best friend's boyfriend. They share an appartment so i always see him. Well, i get the feeling he is trying to hit on me, but in a subtle way.

He knew what went on with my ex and has seen some of the incidents that went on, the very last time i saw my ex, this guy had stood in front of him when my ex went to grab me. He has been so nice and helpful about everything and i wouldnt have thought anything of it. But last week he came out with us, we got along great and chatted it up.
I felt attracted to him and he was being overly nice and i felt he was atttracted to me too. We had a good night and didnt see much of him. Last night i went out with them again. We got along great as usual and all had a good time.
Well, the way he was acting with me seemed really flirty. I enjoyed the attention, but i felt like i should back right off.
Today he must have asked for my number from someone and he text me and told me he had a great night and that if i ever needed anyone to talk to or just some good company he would be more than happy to be that person. And invited me and my daughter to the beach.
I just said thankyou and that it was nice of him and said when i am free me and my daughter would be happy to join.

Now, i feel uneasy. I am definitely attracted to him, and he is really nice. I know i will be seeing a lot more of him due to the fact of me and my friend hanging out again. And i dont want to mess my healing up as i know it is WAY too soon for anything to happen with anyone.
I am in no way going to persue him and i know he will understand when i tell him that i want to be alone until i feel back on my feet completely. But.. i do feel that attraction toward him and if i keep seeing him like this i know the attraction will grow.. He is so nice, so positive to be around.. But i dont know.

What do i do? Do i stay well away? Do i just continue to be friends but reject any sort of flirtiness from him? I dont want some stupid rebound relationship and i want to feel happy by myself.
I know i am over thinking this, but i have found i have been thinking about him a lot since i met him. Its just weird. lol

Well thanks for reading, i just wanted to write it out and talk to someone about it! Thanks again

[MaidenMinx]

YAY for Jaden!! Proud of you girl!

See?! Your ex was ever so wrong. As soon as you get your feet on the ground you have someone sniffing round. How's that confidence of yours? Boosted?

Play it cool, hun. Unless he is a real piece of work he won't be dropping any major hints any time soon. Just take it all one step at a time. If he does make you feel uneasy, remind him of how good it is to have a friend in a time like this, he'll back off. With time if your attraction is still there, you can start reciprocating.

But make sure you take this time for you, and your daughter. You need to find out who you are.

[Dank]

Darling for know i'd say concentrate on your daughter you have a daughter i'd say take sometime off with this relationship illness go see the world and maybe later down your life yeah but for know take it easy there's no rush... besides relationships are headace one way or another

Goodluck

[HeartIsAching]

What MaidenMinx said is spot on.

And I'll add my own YAY!

[smackie9]

Just be honest with the guy that you are not ready yet. If it was me, I wouldn't go out on dates with him, but would be ok with hanging out with him with friends. As you said you need to not jeopardize your healing, and you wouldn't want to lead him on. As for your daughter, you shouldn't expose her to a guy or guys you are casually dating for it may confuse her. I know women hold off their child meeting the BF for a few months until they know that the relationship is serious and stable.....just a thought.

[smackie9]

I agree with Dank, you should be concentrating on your daughter and getting your life back on track.

[MerryH]

Glad you're doing better. Keep it up.

But.. i do feel that attraction toward him and if i keep seeing him like this i know the attraction will grow..

Focus on his negative qualities, then. He's kind of a creep for making moves on you (if that's what he's doing) so soon after you getting out of a terrible relationship. Also, he was too big of a vagina to ask you for your phone number. Kind of crappy of him. He didn't even give you the option of politely declining, as if your opinion didn't matter. After what you've been through, you should be very careful about getting involved with men who don't respect your wishes or your well-being (or who just don't know any better.)

And yeah, that's really cynical and all, but I just think you need to be very aware and cautious about the people you allow to get close to you.

[asdfg789]

Yay +1 for JadenMia !

I also think it is too early to jump into another relationship and if he doesn't understand, he's not the right guy.

Keep it up

[JadenMia]

Thanks all! I am feeling really good and proud at how far i have come!

And yes, my daughter is my number one concern. She has been my drive to get through this, honestly, she has helped me so much. We have been filling our days with activities and fun trips it has been amazing! I think thats why i feel a better person overall to be honest, the fact that she is happy and having fun makes me feel like im doing a good job I find i am much more at ease now, no worries or bad moods.. When i think about it, the toll he had on my mood was so bad, so it must be why i feel so good now.
Even when im having a bad day, its like she understands. She hugs me and tells me loves me and that im a 'beautiful princess'. Its so cute, but its amazing what they can understand.
I agree about the guy, i would definitely stay away from anything that could stop me from moving on and healing fully. He isnt a creep or anything, he is new to town and when i have spoken to him he said he wants to make wholesome friendships as he is planning to stay here. He is genuinely nice and invites us out to help more than anything. But not to worry, i wont be letting in him in our life more than anything but a friend.


I am also weary, just for the fact i have to be careful of how i can confuse attraction at this point and it is something my therapist warned me about also. She said, 'anything will look appetizing since you have been eating rocks for so long'. Which i totally agree on, his kindness and caring could just attract me immensely because it is so different from my ex. So i always keep that in mind also.
I dont know about not introducing my daughter to him though, i hang out with a lot of men around here, anywhere we go out, to the lake etc.. There are our friends there male and female who always spend the day with us so i wouldnt see it any different from being with friends. She isnt confused about meeting our friends so i doubt this would be any different in that way, i thought it was a really nice gesture to invite us out to keep us company.
I think the biggest reason i do feel that attraction toward him is that he actually invites us both and acknowledges my daughter and that itself is something that is so different from my ex.

I am defnitely not in any rush to be with anybody. I am enjoying our own company and that is how its going to stay. Only when i feel truly happy, by myself will i let anyone else into my life. I feel that way, i am making room for my next relationship to be a healthy one.


But all in all, everybodies advice was spot on and thanks for the best wishes! Ah, it is just such a nice experience to be actually enjoying life and not having one big stress headache that doesnt go away. Thankyou all for helping to see this