How To Stop Unhealthy Lusting of Ex Girlfriend? HELP :c

[waynechriss]

So I'm still in the process of getting over my first ex . I've stopped being angry at her (improvement in my book) but I still face another problem: lust. We had a talk a couple of days ago, first time in over a year of NC, just to find closure. She told me she has had two sexual partners after me, one being a friend with benefits and the other is the man she cheated on me with. This information bothers me so much everyday now.

We both lost our virginities to each other back when we dated and needless to say, we've had a lot of sex throughout our relationship. I've never got tired of it because I was physically attracted to her indefinitely and I guess you can say the hormones raged on quite frequently. Ever since we broke up, I've been trying to get this "sexual idea/fantasy/nightmare" of her out of my head and it really bothers me, especially hearing she's had sex with two other men following me. I'm very jealous to say the least because the sex was always great despite the emotionally destructive relationship. I've had only one sexual partner after and while we also had a LOT of sex, she was nowhere near as memorable as my first ex (loss of virginity for one thing, dated for almost two years is another as opposed to the 2nd for only 4-5 months) and honestly, I don't ever lust about her.

I masturbate quite frequently to calm my nerves and to rid my body of that sexual desire or sexual imagery of her. Sounds really silly but it truly feels like a brain infection, I just can't stop lusting even though I've employed NC and have NO pictures or video of her. I need help :c

Btw I'm 20 years old and my ex is 18.

[pisces25]

They often say it is normal to remember your first and sometimes people do take this a little to the extreme. My ex was EXACTLY the same. He said no-one can live up to the fantasy he has of her, the way she looked, the way she moved, the way she made him feel etc. His problem went on for years and he eventually needed therapy coz he couldn't enjoy sex with someone else in the same capacity as he did with her as he idealised her. It was psychological for him, something about her providing him with his first sexual experience after years of being single an masturbating, and providing him with pleasure which he inadvertantly and subconsciously related to her, therefore he went on to 'think' he could only have good sex with someone that looked like her. Really destructive for him. He is 31 though and had this first sexual experience in his early 20's (quite late) so it is good you want to nip this problem in the bud before you get to the stage where it has a detrimental effect on your sexual health and relationships. I have no advice to add like I said he ended up having to see a therapist but I don't know if you need to go to that extreme. Although being a mind thing it may assist. Good luck.