My Newlywed Husband Said He's Disgusted By Me

[MaidenMinx]

Wow, Ash. What a story...

You say you both thought you would marry each other early on in your relationship, did you ever discuss what married life would be like? It's an oversight most couples make and according to stuff I've read, one of the major contributors to divorce. People have a sub conscious expectation of what their husband or wife will be like that actually doesn't surface until they are married. Unless you are aware of this, it will bite you in the arse.

It seems to me that one of your husbands subconcious expectations was his wife would be a virgin. Now that expectation has arisen and he is choking on it.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Everyone here has had great advice and I wish you the best of luck.

[AlexD]

No offense, but your husband sounds like a big baby.

[NytNrs&Mmartist]

unable to read long novel due to my eyes getting hurt looking at many letters.

did you fart? and he thinks its disgusting? sex during period?

in that case then i agree with the person above me

[Incognito]

^^^ Wow, that was a valuable contribution to the thread.... not.

................My G*d, it's not like he's complained about my non-lack of experience when it come down to it, KWIM? What a double-standard I feel. Ughh. This is so incredibly frustrating because we love each other so much and him bringing this up was such a shake to our relationship, and it feels 10000x worse than it would have prior to marriage. I feel like he's messing with something you don't mess with now. I feel like once you say the vows, it's sacred. You are saying yes, I'm putting this behind me and moving forward with the person I love. Now, I am afraid we will go back to "normal" and I'll never know what's really in his head. I don't want him to stay with me if he's not 100% content with the marriage, but I feel that he should've thought about this stuff before or needs to be 100% honest with me at all time about it now so we can take it from there and see if he can get over it or if his issues with me are unfixable. I am 100% ready to be with him forever, that's why I married him! Ughh

If you don't want this issue to fade into the background you need to tell him what you told us (quoted above). Try not to lose your head when you start this conversation and try to not to be too condemning when you say it. Make sure you verbalize everything you typed above though because those are good, concise points.

[bluesummer]

So it's obvious your husband is incredibly frustrated that he never got the chance to experience other women besides you. He had his opportunity, he threw it away, and now he's taking it out on you because you're the thing that holds him back (as he sees it). He knows his only options are to suck it up or to turn asshole and either cheat or divorce. I think in his head he finds it 'unfair' that you got the opportunity he didn't, so now he's taking it out on you out of jealousy. I don't think you really disgust him or that he thinks you're a whore.....he's saying hurtful things out of sheer jealousy. I'm not excusing his actions by any means, I'm just trying to recognize where they're sourced. He really does need counselling to get over these issues, because I can see that this is going to plague your relationship probably forever if it's not addressed right now. You might have a nice little talk about it, everything will seem fine for a few months, and then he'll dive right back into the negativity, because all you're doing it glossing over it by refusing to really deal with it.

If my husband said any such thing to me, I'd be staying at my mom's and telling him to get his ass into marriage counselling with me or it would be done. I'm not down for 20 years of that crap, and you shouldn't be either. I know you don't want to be a divorce statistic, but neither do you want to be stuck in an angry, loveless marriage for most of your life. Trust me, I've been stuck in a shitty marriage and once divorced. The idea of divorce was loathsome to me, but in the end was the greatest thing that ever happened. My husband, however, was beyond repair. Maybe yours isn't, but you've got to give it a harder push than just a two hour chat (in which he suggests a threesome....wtf). Take this very very seriously, because how you handle this now will directly affect your level of happiness in the years to come.

This is why I will encourage my future children to date many, many people before they settle down.

[Phoenix23]

He has serious issues, and there's nothing you can do unless he wants to change. But he doesn't want to change because he doesn't think he has a problem.
If you knew he was like this before the marriage, you never should have married him until those issues were resolved.
Never go into a marriage thinking the problems will resolve themselves on their own.
It would be a different issue if they were working on the problems and there was reason to believe they would eventually be resolved.

You mentioned you believe in god. If he is a christian,, then seek some christian counseling about how to let the holy spirit work on his heart and mind to change it, to let him understand what he's doing, and to give him the ability to forgive your past and move on.
When people have deep seeded emotional and mental issues like this, often it takes a move of god to truly fix them. Pray about it too, ask god for help.

If he doesn't believe in god then that's a big problem because it means you've first got to get him to accept christ before he'll even be able to receive the healing and wisdom of the holy spirit. This is one reason among many why the bible says that we are not to be "unequally yoked" with nonbelievers, because without that common ground and foundation to seek the holy spirit's guidance in the relationship then you're both going to be out of sync and trying to do things different ways. It also means that one of you will be hopelessly trapped in the pattern of sin, while the other one will continue to grow and mature (ideally).

He is trapped in a cycle of very hateful thinking patterns that he needs to be freed from. Rather than getting better he seems to be allowing those feelings to dig themselves deeper.

[Incognito]

And no one commented on that? What is going on LF? The last time I made a comment even remotely similar to that I got beat down with the anti-religion stick.

[MaidenMinx]

hmmmmm I personally didn't notice Incognito...
and I don't personally bash people for religious posts unless they are trying to shove their beliefs down someone elses throat...

Oh and Christians can't be argued with. When you believe in fairy tales your logic wiring is faulty. (waits for someone to bring up the fact that I believe in astrology...)

[Kiechi]

^...but you believe in Astrology.

[MaidenMinx]

lol smartarse...

[smackie9]

Oh thank god (haha) someone said something about it......I truly wasnt going to waste my time on such brain washing bs.

[jb1111983]

I think atheism is bs! There we go

[jb1111983]

And no one commented on that? What is going on LF? The last time I made a comment even remotely similar to that I got beat down with the anti-religion stick.

LOL that's why it's so easy to troll them. Just saying.

[smackie9]

I'm agnostic.....organized religion is for people who don't want tot think for themselves.

[jb1111983]

Ok I'm lazy lol. No, it means you chose a path to walk on. Agnostic sounds good though. It can be fun sitting on a fence.