Realtionship getting boring.

[SteveM]

Hi,
I'm hoping for some balanced advice. I asked something similar on a local forum and got a lot of hostile reaction for daring to saying anything bad about my GF and most people assuming I was controlling and abusive to my girlfriend. This is really not the case, I think I treat her well and love her very much.

Here is the thing, We are together about a year and a half but it just starts to feel boring and some things bother me.

We have spoken about all of these things before and they get better for a few weeks then creep back to normal.

Paying for things is one issue. Where I am from, the guy should take the lead and pay for dates initially but once a relationship is established I'm used to it being more equal. Sometimes I just feel I am expected to pay for things. For example this weekend we had dinner. As often happens when the check arrives she says she didn't bring any cash so I had to say ok, I will cover you. Often she would not even reach for her purse but we talked about it. Its not that I won't pay but where I am from it is good manners to offer even if the guy takes the lead.
Last weekend I suggested we take a little trip for the day to an event. Now admittedly I suggested it, but I was left to foot the bill for the entire thing. Its not that I mind treating my girlfriend but sometimes its just the offer that is appreciated. I earn money but not loads and it holds me back from suggesting we do things because I can't always cover a weekend or a trip or even a night out for 2 people.

She is a grad student which didn't bother me at first but is slowly annoying me. Now she's very smart but that is why I don't understand her doing a degree which basically gives her no qualifications. It doesn't qualify her for any decent jobs. It worries me a little as I sometimes question her drive. When we met I sort of thought she worked a lot and did an internship too but I'm learning not so much.
This summer her internship was giving her very little hours and she was complaining she was not earning money. I suggested she try to get something part time to tide her over the summer. She says she would but really she didn't. She seems to be at home all the time.
Despite that she is forever telling me that she has a paper due and can't go out but will be done next week yet next week she is still busy and has not got the work done, rinse wash repeat. Its only really at weekends is my downtimes and despite hundreds of promises, I'm starting to think that the point will never really come where she just does it and is free and we can spend time.

Sex is fine but also very routine. Again we've spoken about it and it gets better for a while but goes back into routine. I like to think I do what I can to make her happy and please her but often find it's not reciprocated. She just seems very reserved. I dont want anything unusual or extreme or anything. However I feel like I am always the one to initiate things, she is very slow to touch me or do anything for me. I just feel I do a lot to satisfy her but not the other way around, she want to do what feels nice to her but isnt always nice or interesting for me. I might sometimes go the extra mile for her I like to think but not the other way around, sometimes I think she's scared to even touch me below my shoulders.

As mentioned, its difficult to go out. She wanted to go bowling after dinner which again cost me $50!! Between dinner and bowling I spent nearly $100 and we were home by 10pm again.
I am just more used to going out later in the evening and chilling over a few drinks with friends to unwind. I dont mind the activities but it just cost so much and we were at home by the time my friends were even going out. When this happens it just feels like we are 15 or something. When we got back I had a bottle of beer from the fridge but she of course does not want to have a drink with me or anything. She just sits there. I really don't know what I'm meant to do. I feel like I am doing something wrong just wanting to relax with a beer on my weekend but she doesn't give me any input, so I just dont know what to do.
When we go out too just often doesnt make the effort. Shes a knockout but often just dressed down, I just dont get it. She sometimes gives the impression that dressing up is slutty or something but its not, thats not what I like, but wearing old, baggy or bad fitting clothes just isnt attractive. She wasnt always like this but sometimes she is which also makes it hard to organise nice things to do if she is going to dress down.

I'm sorry if I sound aweful. She's a good person in general, very pretty and I love her very much. Its just some stuff we just seem like different people and I dont know what to do. It changes for a bit if we talk about it but then goes back to normal and it bothers me how the future will go. I love her very much but I begin to wonder if these doubts are something to work on or just accept although I love her, we just arent compatible. I just don't know.

[Cerby]

Sounds like you want more than she has to give, or is willing to give.

Why don't you just end it and move on? You have a whole laundry list of problems, most of the time problems like this don't change. You've talked, you're still not happy, so why are you still around?