Lost the Girl of my Dreams for now?

[Carborough]

Hello all, was wondering on some advice when it comes to this situation. I had been with my girlfriend for just over two years and we were happily together and were perfect for each other and I still believe we are!

Her mother died 2 years ago and her father passed away just after our two year mark. She went home to be with her sister (only surviving relative) and I had been and have been faithfully by her side supporting her and giving her the time she needs to grieve. Finally she decided to come here to me again (we live 4 hours apart) and spend some time here I was so excited but she came to tell me she just needs space right now and can't love anyone. I respected that a lot and we went on a 'break' to give her the space and time she needs. Time goes by and we talk about what we really want in life. She has only had me as a boyfriend and starts to say she may want to date around to make sure me and her are really the right ones to be together so that she has no regrets later in life. I respect that as well! I cannot control her and say no its me or no one? So at that point we broke up officially.

Now, i learn she has been dating a guy that she met online. She has only spent 1 week with him in real life (so they barely really know each other), he does not treat her right, he verbally abuses her, and for some reason she is trying so hard to make it work with this guy. (i think just for the sake of dating around) He lives on the other side of the country and because of her not being with me and the possible forfeit of their house to the state because of her parents passing and no funds to cover that, she is considering moving down there to live with him. Which I can only chalk up to 'just because they are the ones that are together right now'.

To sum this up, I never got my real chance to be with her forever. I'm totally heartbroken, I was soooo good to her and because of the terrible circumstances she lost all love for everyone and ended up with a guy that it totally not for her at all. I have the feeling it will not work out between them at all but I don't want her to even do this to herself. I love her too much. But I don't wanna come off like I'm a total psycho and always asking her to be with me or anything. It's her life right? Her decisions? I want her back, but I also want her to be with me. So any advice out there? What should I be doing? I've told her that no matter what I'll always be here for her and that she will always have a special place in my heart. And whatever she does (its her life and her decisions) it'll be okay with me as long as she is happy. I just really hope she realizes how much love she could get right now from me!

Oh ya and why do all the nice guys that treat girls like princesses finish last every time?

[tomtom8p]

First of all nice guys don't always finish last. There is no truth to that statement at all.

Second, The good news is that if he isn't treating her well then the relationship is not going to last. If he is verbally abusing her within a week then there is no way it's going to work. She probably does want to make it work so she can experience different guys. She's not going to want to work at it for very long though.

As for what you can do, absolutely do not ask for her to take you back. That is probably the worst thing that you can do at this point. Give her her space. You made it perfectly clear that you want to be with her and that you love her. She's not going to forget that and she doesn't need reminding of it. If she realizes that her life would be empty without you then she will come back on her own. If she doesn't realize how much she cared about you when you two are separated then it probably wouldn't have worked out in the long term anyways, even if you had stayed together. Your best move is to minimize contact with her. If she contacts you then talk to her but don't go out of your way to talk to her.

If you keep reinforcing that you will always be waiting for her then she will be in no rush to get back together with you because she knows that option is always there. Don't ever be somebodies second choice. Start dating other people to see for yourself who else is out there. The fact is that you don't know what's going to happen in the future, she may never come back to you. So you need to move on for yourself.

[smackie9]

She's was faced with mortality from the death of her parents. She feels she needs to move on from that and start fresh. To her you just remind her of her experiencing the loss of her parents...to be with you is too painful. Its just bad timing dude. She's moved on. Even if this relationship doesn't pan out, shes not going to be running back to you.

Dont be standing around waiting for her, that is a big waste of time. Its ok for you to let go too.