Chemistry VS love. How can I stop feeling this way?

[Aphroexoine]

I have a problem with a guy friend. The problem is I’m attracted to him, and I feel like I have no choice but to be attracted to him.
I am trying to understand our chemistry, how mine works and how his works and how I can put a stop to these feelings.
You see, he is a good friend, but whenever I am around him, I have to suppress the sparks from flying. It was like instantaneous when I met him.

Our chemistry blended perfectly. When we’re around each other, it’s like we become 1 unite. We mesh well chemistry wise. It’s almost like we become kindred spirits who think alike, feel alike and move alike. And we both feel “pulled” to the other. Like we have no choice. It’s like gravity pulls us together.
Our movements become one. I don’t like it…..
I feel fine when I’m away. No attraction. But when I’m near him, it starts again and I practically have to bite my tongue and become tense to resist the flow.

Sure, we’re matched chemistry wise, but what about everywhere else? Not a match in other areas. So, I am really trying to put a stop to my mind/body’s response to him but it’s like it’s almost impossible. I just want us to be friends, I don’t want romance in the way. My rational mind DOES NOT WANT TO DATE HIM. And KNOWS that it will not end well. It’s like, the only option I can think of is to avoid him…. But if I do that, then why even bother being his friend? It’s like being caught between a rock and a hard place. I just want these feelings to stop.

If I stay, I’m screwed… If I go, I’m screwed….. What to do? And how can I understand our chemistry better so I can maybe have a chance at stopping this?
Help.....

[Wakeup]

I have a problem with a guy friend. The problem is I’m attracted to him, and I feel like I have no choice but to be attracted to him.
I am trying to understand our chemistry, how mine works and how his works and how I can put a stop to these feelings.
You see, he is a good friend, but whenever I am around him, I have to suppress the sparks from flying. It was like instantaneous when I met him.

Our chemistry blended perfectly. When we’re around each other, it’s like we become 1 unite. We mesh well chemistry wise. It’s almost like we become kindred spirits who think alike, feel alike and move alike. And we both feel “pulled” to the other. Like we have no choice. It’s like gravity pulls us together.
Our movements become one. I don’t like it…..
I feel fine when I’m away. No attraction. But when I’m near him, it starts again and I practically have to bite my tongue and become tense to resist the flow.

Sure, we’re matched chemistry wise, but what about everywhere else? Not a match in other areas. So, I am really trying to put a stop to my mind/body’s response to him but it’s like it’s almost impossible. I just want us to be friends, I don’t want romance in the way. My rational mind DOES NOT WANT TO DATE HIM. And KNOWS that it will not end well. It’s like, the only option I can think of is to avoid him…. But if I do that, then why even bother being his friend? It’s like being caught between a rock and a hard place. I just want these feelings to stop.

If I stay, I’m screwed… If I go, I’m screwed….. What to do? And how can I understand our chemistry better so I can maybe have a chance at stopping this?
Help.....

Are you having some kind of an affair with this guy or is all this "our chemistry matches" stuff going on in your own head?

Anyway, if it's just your thoughts then change the subject in your mind, you will have to make a concerted effort at first but eventually you'll retrain yourself not to view him in that manner.

Also: You might try carrying around a hankerchief with your fav perfume on it and sniffing it often. It will help to mask his pheromones (undetectibel scent) reaching your senses and sirring your loins. (said half jokingly).

[devonbrown]

I am not understanding why you are so sure something wouldn't work out between the two of you? If you are friends, there are obviously things that you like about him. And you have detailed the chemistry between you two. So why can't a romantic relationship work?

As for how to just be friends with him, I agree that you just have to change the subject in your mind. Keep your mind busy and don't focus on the chemistry sparks between you.

Or... this might be a perfect friends with benefits situation for you. Just a thought.

Good luck.

[Aphroexoine]

Are you having some kind of an affair with this guy or is all this "our chemistry matches" stuff going on in your own head?

That’s a pretty good question actually. I wonder if we are having an affair as well now you mention it lol! I don’t think we are? We haven’t even kissed. I won’t allow it. But in any event, I can tell he likes me too – and that is even worse. If he did not at all like me like that, it would be easier for me to drop it I think.
I can tell with the way he touches me, caresses me when he walks past me, looks into my eyes, tries to hold my hand, treats me like a princess, wants to do everything for me, says occasionally some seductive things to me, giving me cute pet names. He wants to talk to me alone a lot – get close to me. He finds excuses to be with me. Whenever he does, I invite a friend to come with me so we don’t end up doing anything alone. It’s really hindering my self control.

Also: You might try carrying around a hankerchief with your fav perfume on it and sniffing it often. It will help to mask his pheromones (undetectibel scent) reaching your senses and sirring your loins. (said half jokingly).

The perfume idea might work. Though when he calls me, I don't know. His voice does it too. He has a way with words. Of course that's also just the chemistry talking...

I am not understanding why you are so sure something wouldn't work out between the two of you? If you are friends, there are obviously things that you like about him. And you have detailed the chemistry between you two. So why can't a romantic relationship work?

It just can’t and I don’t want it to work at all. I could gave you a great many reasons, but I’ll just give 2.
The first one being is that I am not actually over my ex. I need time to move on and cope. My emotions and mind say “no” but the rest says “yes”. If I did get with him, it wouldn’t feel right… At all.
Second reason is he is basically still getting over his ex gf as well. I can tell. He talks to me a lot about his past issues with her, and still gets all teary eyed.
It really just would not be a good idea, period. I have too much respect for him to allow myself to run amok.


And thank you both for taking the time to answer

[maxmax]

I am struggling to understand.

You are 'kindred spirits' in your words, you both get on like a house on fire, and you're deeply attracted to him.

So, what is it that you think isn't a good match? Is there something about him you're prejudiced against, or are you simply scared it might not work and you'll lose the friendship.

If it turns out that he is also as attracted to you, from what you have told us, you seem a good match.

[Wakeup]

I think you're thinking with your brain and not your sexual organs and IMO, that's a good thing. You may burn anything lasting and romantic out if you use one another to get over exes and then get bored with one another once you are in a good emotional place to engage in another relationship.

You would want something lasting with a such a kindred spirit and jumping into a FWB situation would be a shame when you could very well have a lovely longterm, committed relationship, all in due time. I'd not go to bed with a man who still gets tears in his eyes when talking about his ex.. he's got too much baggage to concentrate on something serious with you. Good for you for knowing yourself well enough not to dive in head first.

[HeartIsAching]

Besides wanting to wait until you're over your ex (and him getting over his) I'm failing to see what the problem is. Why not tell him that you feel this way, and that you'd like to wait a while before trying it out with each other? What could be the harm? If you truly love each other, being friends won't go away when you're lovers or partners. There's NOTHING wrong with your lover/partner being your best friend also.

Trust me on this.

[buckmark]

What about trying to date someone else? I'm sure there will be other guys you will find some chemistry with.

Sounds like you just find him really attractive, physically, chemically, and want to have sex with him. That's great, but what about all the other areas? If you're thinking long term, like for a husband who will provide for you, take care of you, love you unconditionally, even as you age (gracefully), you will be way happier in the long run. Otherwise you're just in a desire relationship that'll just drag on, if you're looking for more. If you're not just be friends with benefits till you're bored and keep looking around

[Aphroexoine]

I think that, from reading everyone's reply, my best course of action would be to just wait and see. Wait and see if he heals his own wounds, if I heal mine as well. And if when we're both done, I am still attracted to him after all that time, I guess that would mean the attraction is strong enough to last? Because if it fades so easily, then I would know that it was all just superficial, but if it lasts maybe a year or more while waiting - then maybe that would be my green light? And the green light would also be if after a year or more HE is also still attracted to me in some way. Because right now, I just feel I am not ready. My chemicals are moving faster than my heart. Maybe when they catch up, just maybe, something could work.

What do you think about this?

[James89]

Why exactly don't you like him? It sounds like you like him, but you say you don't.