GF lets go of my hand and pushes me away when she sees her ex

[Achilles]

My GF broke up with her ex of 5 years about a year ago. 6 months later we met and got together, and she spoke about him sometimes, usually bad stuff, because he'd failed to sort out the bills so she was still paying even though she'd moved out, etc.

I always worried that it might be too early for her to have a relationship with me and that she might not be ready, but she assured me she is.

Two days ago we went out for a meal and her ex was in the resturaunt we just entered. As soon as she spotted him she let go of my hand, stepped away from me and threw up this barrier where she wouldn't let me get close to her (even though he hadn't seen us). I was deeply offended by this. She assured me he means nothing to her and she was just shocked to see him, but if he means nothing why would she be shocked? I just don't get it.

We agreed to leave and I held my hand out and she took it, and we walked out. The whole incident lasted about a minute, maybe less.

I just really don't know what to make of it. I had told her before that it'd deeply upset me if she let go of my hand if he saw us together. I'm so angry and upset, I've not got a clue what to think.

My GF and I have talked about it and she tells me she doesn't know why she did it. She was just shocked to see him and she is really sorry.

It made me feel as though she was ashamed to be with me, or that I wasn't good enough to be seen with her. I don't understand why she would care what her ex thought. There perhaps might have been a chance, had he seen us, that he'd come over and say a few nasty words, but in all honesty I'd have prefered it to what happened. I felt like a coward for leaving. It felt like I was running away, and I don't see why I should let it spoil our day just because someone she doesn't care about is there.

I've not really talked to my girlfriend since that day. I've been so angry and upset I've not known what to do. I don't want to upset her but I'm finding it really hard to talk to her without thinking about it.

Any advice would be great. I feel pretty low and I'm worried about how this is upsetting her.

[carl1222]

I think you are making way too much of it. She really couldn't plan for how she would react to the shock of seeing her ex while she was with her new boyfriend. Did she react badly? Sure. But you are taking it as a reflection on YOU ... also a mistake.

She apologized. Unless you have another good reason to think that she is hiding you from him, be gracious here, accept her explanation and move on. Putting her through hell over it just reflects badly on you.

Carl.

[Ric]

It's just a one time thing, a bit of a shock after seeing your ex after such a long time, no big deal.
Even if she still has some feelings for him, that doesn't mean she is in love with him and wants to get back together with him. It's hard not to have any leftover feelings after a relationship of that length.
Her wanting to leave can be for any number of reasons. It isn't always comfortable to be near an ex, even if one no longer has feelings for the ex.

So, suck it up and forget about the event.

[Andariel]

I agree. She was probably shocked and uncomfortable seeing her ex for the first time ever out of the blue like that. Don't read too much into it. Her reaction was just the result of sheer surprise. You talked about it and she made it clear it had nothing to do with you. Do you, for some reason, feel inferior to/jealous of him and perhaps that is why you are taking this so seriously?

Don't let the ex ruin your reltionship. He is out of the picture and your girl loves you. Don't punish her for no reason. Why don't you invite her out for a nice romantic dinner or better yet, cook a nice dinner yourself and invite her to yours?Have some nice wine, laugh and put all this nonsense in the past where it ought to be? ;-)

[maxmax]

I just really don't know what to make of it. I

Don't make anything of it.

This was the first time she had seen him in ages. Even she wouldn't have guessed how she would have reacted.

Certainly, the way she reacted was far from ideal, and no doubt hurtful, but if it was a one off and she is sorry about it, then you are worrying yourself about nothing.

If she does it every time he is about, then you've got a problem. However, there is no point reading into this one incident. It's not worth the potential grief.

[Vanessa]

Start worrying if it happens again. Like everyone else said it was probably just the shock, I woulda had some sort of crazy reaction too if that woulda happened to me. It doesn't have to mean anything except the fact that she was taken aback by seeing him there.

[Tutored]

Are you sure that she is confident and OK with her sexuality?

I believe her statement that it was a moment of shock and she did not consciously do those things, but nevertheless those actions speak volumes. I also agree with the other responder, who said that be very concerned if she does it again. I'm sorry you had to go through that...that must have felt awful.