When is jealousy turn into obsessive?

[Drmedlin23]

Hi everyone, I created this post to see what my options to my situation might be.
First of all i have been in a relationship with my girl for over a year. Yes we have had our ups and downs just like every couple do.
Were both 18 years of age and both graduated High school, now attending College.
We have had a pretty strong relationship since the day we got together, but now i have a feeling its turning in to obsession.

We have a cell phone plan together and she basically uses that against me. She demands me tell her when i text or call someone. And if i refuse to talk to her about it she will go online and look at all of my text messages and calls. I understand being jealous or worried if i don't talk to her for a duration of time. But this is a every day...(every hour) thing. I'm scared that her obsessiveness is going to ruin our relationship, I've tried talking to her about my issues but all it does is upset her.

Also, I have never lied to her nor cheated on her. Never even a curse word in her direction. I don't understand what im doing to make her be like this. I don't want to leave her or anything but I'm afraid I've run our of options.

Yes I'm young and inexperienced but i know that i love her with all of my heart. I try to over look these things but after 3 months of trying to over look it i have no other choice but to ask for advice. I guess my next option is to leave her.

Any kind of advice is welcome.

Thank you in advanced

- Sincerely
Dmedlin23

[MerryH]

Did you really post your actual first and last name? Might want to edit that out.

Her behavior is unhealthy and wrong. Since she refuses to speak to you about it like a rational adult, there's not much you can do but to leave.

I mean, you can get separate cell phone plans and not give her access to anything she can snoop through, but that doesn't really fix the issue and she's just going to find other ways to control you and violate your privacy.

[Kyrina]

She sound's too high maintenance. You are not married so you have your right to privacy and even if you were you still have this right.
Im sorry but this kind of obsessiveness will not strengthen your relationship but only burn it out fast.
If she wont let you get separate call plans your only way then is to end the relationship, tell her if she doesnt trust you then you cant handle this.
Trying talking one last time with her

[Andariel]

You are entitled to have some privacy within a relationship. If, as you say, you have never given her any actual reason to be so unreasonably jealous then her behaviour is not justified.

I am guessing she has some major insecurity issues but this does not mean that she has the right to make your life difficult. She is essentially accussing you on a daily basis of being a cheater and a liar and you do not deserve this.

She is controlling to the point of emotionally abusing you. If you want your relationship to work, you need to put your foot down. You need to tell her that you have done nothing wrong and can no longer accept her abusing you emotionally and trying to control every aspect of your life. If you wanted to cheat you could do it even if she tried to keep tabs on you 24/7 so her stalking you would not make a difference. Tell her that she needs to change her behaviour otherwise you can no longer be together. Tell her that from now on she cannot check your emails, messages, phone records (make sure you take out a new phone plan just for yourself). Make sure you are very firm about all this and follow up your words with actions. Lock your phone, change all your passwords and put a password on your computer.

Remind yourself that you do not deserve to be treated this way and no matter how angry she gets or if she starts crying to make you change your mind, you have to say you mean this and cannot be in a relationship with someone who does not trust you. If she loves you she will acknowledge she has a problem and try to stop.It will be very difficult that is why I said change all your passwords etc because the temptation to check up on you will be great. Perhaps she needs to see a therapist to help her work through her ssues because being so jealous, controlling and possesive when you have done nothing wrong is not normal behaviour and you desevre better that this.

[bulrush]

Her behavior is unhealthy and wrong. Since she refuses to speak to you about it like a rational adult, there's not much you can do but to leave.

Bingo. And she is too young to know how to change herself, or believe she is even wrong. You either put up with it, or find someone else, because she will not change.

[Drmedlin23]

Thank you guys so much for taking the time to help me with this problem. I did as you all said and "put my foot down". She didnt take it to well "crying, cussing" i explained that i never did anything to deserve what she was doing to me. She took it the complete wrong way and said that i was just trying to hide something from her. Which im not. She didn't accept anything i said even when i was nice and trying to be understanding on her part. To make an extremely long story short... She didn't take the news well and blamed me for everything so i ended our relationship. Yes it hurt, but that's life. I'm gonna take a break from relationships for a while i believe. Again thank you all so much.

Sincerely,
Dmedlin23

[Andariel]

Sorry to hear that but I think it is for the best given that she did not even acknowledge that her behaviour was hurtful and inappropriate. You did well to stand up for yourself and she certainly had no right to treat you this way. There are plenty of girls out there who will be happy to be with someone who is honest and is looking for a committed relationship without making you feel like you are doing something wrong and without accusing you over nothing every single day.

People only change when they realise that they have a problem and they want to change. If they are doing it for any other reason (ie. to please someone else) then they won't change but only pretend to until they feel secure enough in the relationship to drop the mask and start being their true selves again at your expense. She didn't accept she has a problem, therefore you did well to walk away.Best of luck,mate.

[tinkerbell1427]

i also agree with all of the other responces. since you guys aren't married she shouldn't be looking through your texts and phone calls. we all need our privacy, right? do you go through her texts and calls?
by the sounds of it, it looks like she'll just get more obsessive over time. in my opinion you should just get out of this relationship while you can. there's plenty of fish in the sea!

[James Banes]

Thank you guys so much for taking the time to help me with this problem. I did as you all said and "put my foot down". She didnt take it to well "crying, cussing" i explained that i never did anything to deserve what she was doing to me. She took it the complete wrong way and said that i was just trying to hide something from her. Which im not. She didn't accept anything i said even when i was nice and trying to be understanding on her part. To make an extremely long story short... She didn't take the news well and blamed me for everything so i ended our relationship. Yes it hurt, but that's life. I'm gonna take a break from relationships for a while i believe. Again thank you all so much.

Sincerely,
Dmedlin23

A freshman in college is too young to know how to deal with crazy chicks no matter how long he's known them. Hopefully, you don't give into her demands to work things out. When you say you ended the relationship then keep it ended. Way too many guys try to be nice by staying friends or getting back together for her sake. Then they end up regretting it. Make sure you end the relationship, no friendship, nothing.