Obsessive

[Keegan]

Has anyone ever been called obsessive when it comes to a relationship with your gf or bf?

MY gf says I'm obsessed with her for a whole lot of reasons. Personally I think these reasons are bullshit because for me, my actions are what I would think would happen it anothers relationship.

The first reason is that she thinks I call her to much. I can her like once or twice a day. I would have thought that if you loved someone then you would talk to them everyday, even if its just for five minutes.

THe second reason is that she thinks I want to see her too much. What is ****ing wrong with wanting to see your girlfriend. I love this girl so of coarse I want to see her whenever I can.

Its got me thinking because we have been going out for over a year and this is her longest relationship. Maybe she doesnt know how it works. I really have no idea how it all came like this, but I dont think im obsessed. Im just deeply in love, for the moment anyway.

Please share any thoughts on how you can avoid being seen as obsessive.

Cheers

[Fawn]

Your actions are not obsessive. She's basically telling you to back off, maybe shes looking for some "alone" time. Either that, or she's giving you signs of backing out of the relationship. Always possible.

[lilwing89]

yea, give her some time alone. show her you have a life..next time she wants to hang out tell her you are hanging out with friends all day on that day. only call her like once every few days..this is what i have learned to do if a girl calls you obsessive.

[Late_vamp]

she probably wants to go out with her friends without you in the picture... be carefull because these type of things are signs that the relationship might end soon ... it could mean she's getting tired of you or she wants to do something without you finding out.

[Tone]

Yeah but if you continue to hang on and keep buggin her and NOT give her any space then the relationship most definately WILL end, cause you will have proven her right about being obsessive. Just back off and do what Lilwing suggests.

[Apache]

I'd back off...and see what happens. Its not an easy thing to do...and I know where you are coming from.

Sometimes a woman will feel as though you are smothering her. Who knows what it is.

I'm sure she knows how you feel about her, and its made her feel very
secure. So use this to your advantage, and make her think a little. Like
Wing suggested, don't make yourself so available to her. She'll catch on very quickly and may actually start chasing after you. Its weird....but this is what happens. Women sometimes have a habit of wanting what they can't have,
and become bored with what they do.

Show her that your life does not revolve around her, that you can enjoy life without her being there all the time, show her you are a happy person with or without her. She'll come around very quickly to be a part of it.

Its a pity that a relationship has to sometimes become a game. Good luck...it will all work out for you I'm sure.

[Ellynn]

In order to make the relationship work you both need your own space. Back off a bit and let her call you next. I know if someone calls me too often and I have nothing to say it does get annoying.... Maybe it was fine in the beginning but now things aren't new anymore.

[bluesummer]

It's kind of important as you get deeper into a relationship to appreciate your time away from each other. My relationship with my bf thrives because we have separate social lives and interests and we both understand each other's need for space. We even take vacations without each other. It makes the time together that much sweeter. Maybe your gf is just not feeling that you are understanding her need for that space. Give it a try if you really love her, you may find it works better for BOTH of you.

Also, you don't want to hear the line one day "Is there nothing else going on in your life that you have to be around me every single day?" Ouch. Makes you want to take a good hard look at what you really DO have going on in your life. Been there.

[Keegan]

The thing is we both have lifes outside each other. I have plenty of friends I am seeing without her. I personally think our relationship is going stale and I want to fix it but she doesnt. Everytime I mention something important she runs away. The is a bit of an age difference, I'm almost 20 and she is 16. Their is an immaturity factor. But really, when it comes to women, who really ****ing knows what is going on!

[shh!]

You are dating a 16 year old? Isn't that illegal? Maybe her parents are objecting to the age gap, so she is trying to lose you.

[Ellynn]

Well then it sounds to me like you are both on different levels when it comes to your relationship. Not good. Your age difference could be the big factor...but if shes not even listening anymore....then possibly its time to end things. That is something your gonna have to decide for yourself.

I would say talk to her about it...but if she won't listen then it probably won't help and things won't get better. Good Luck....

[David D]

I have been in this situation before. I'm sorry to say but it might be that she want's to break up with you, it was in my case.

She had loads of space and so did I. It would go 3 or four days and I wouldn't even see her some times. She came up with loads of things that I now realise where trying to back me off. She wouldn't talk about our relationship and how she felt about me, no matter how much I shared my feelings for her, which made it harder for me to understand what's going on. She even told me she was pregnant, she must have been used to men running. But when I didn't run she'ld come up with something else.

Of course it might not be in your case, but it was surprisingly similar in my case too. Try not to smother her to much, even when you don't see her for a few days, dont get clingy. If you do love her, try not to let her know how you feel so much. With the age gap and her being young, it might even be scaring her off a bit. She might not be used to the whole relationship thing so don't over whelm her with it. Let her get used to it in her own pace. If she want's to, she will.

I hope every thing works out for you. But if it doesn't just remember this. No matter if a relasionship gets better or ends, it always works out for the best.

[Apache]

At 16 I doubt she even knows what a relationship is, to say the least
of how to make it work.

Give her space to grow up and be a teenager.

[Lloyd95]

Dude she's 16! Which is <18. It's illegal. There is NO upside to this. None. You'll be out at bars soon and she'll just be getting a drivers license and making prom arrangements. there are tons, and I mean tons literally, of fine girls out there. Gave her space....for two years and see how that goes.

[Late_vamp]

sucks to be in the states ( in that way ) ... here at montreal , your 18 , you can go anywhere , bars , liquor store , but the drivers license takes more time ( usually ppl get it at 17-18) and apparentely(science ) women are older psychologically compared to a man . ex a 16 y old girl will prob be more mature than a 16 y old boy...USUALLY .