I have a problem with receiving oral sex. Due to negative experiences when I was younger, I can't get myself to just lay back and enjoy it, I always tense up and feel violated and disgusting. I hate the taste and scent when they kiss me, after, and I feel like they are disgusted as well, and just do it "cause they have to". It's just something that grosses me out: even if I physically enjoy it sometimes, I psychologically hate it, always. I know that I should probably get sexual therapy for this or something, but it's just not something I can do (or afford) right now.
On the other hand, I quite enjoy giving oral sex. I find it to be one of the most pleasurable parts of sex. If my partner told me that he didn't want to get oral sex from me, I'd be pretty disappointed.
My current partner (we are both 21) though doesn't seem to have a problem with it. We have been dating for about 3 months and haven't had actual sex yet, but things are getting more and more "steamy" in the bedroom. The last time, he tried to kiss me "down there" and I tensed up and stopped what I was doing, so he asked something like "you don't like it? it disgusts you?" and I said like "yeah, I mean, I feel like it's a bad thing for you" (it's the truth, just not all of it). He just smiled and said "it's ok, don't worry" and happily got on with what we were doing, I mean he really didn't seem to mind at all. But as I said, if he told me he didn't want to receive oral sex ever, I do think it would bother me a bit. Not to the point of breaking up with him or anything of course, or even to not enjoy sex, it's just that I'd feel like we'd be missing out on something real good. Actually, at least half the reason I haven't given him oral sex yet (not that he asked or anything, it's just that I'd like to) is that I'm afraid he would want to reciprocate.
So, how much do you think he won't actually mind? My ex boyfriend used to think that when I said I didn't like it, I just meant that I thought he didn't like it, so he would often try to impose it to me anyway (in attempts to prove to me that he liked it and wanted to pleasure me). Which I hated of course, I always had to stop him and stuff - or to endure it, which was obviously worse in the long run. I don't want that sort of situation with my current partner. I told him about my past, "traumatic" experiences as regards to sex, and he told him about his (we both had somewhat unusual experiences). We have great chemistry and communication on every level, and I really don't want to "ruin" it. If he were to impose oral sex to me, all the negative feelings would just come rushing back at me, and it would eventually ruin our sexual experiences together. I don't want that to happen, yet if I realize that he really wanted it, I'd feel bad and extremely guilty for denying it to him, and might eventually let him do it, even if it would feel horrible to me (not physically).
So yeah I'm just wondering how important is giving oral sex to you, and what could I do if I realized that it was a big deal to him (even if only as much as it is to me)?