Is my man stingy? Want male perspective.

[James Banes]

Speak for yourself.

You like arguing with women?

I either ignore them when they wanna argue or just sarcastically argee, "Uh huh...yep...sure...that's what how I feel too."

My 2011 resolution was never to argue with women because it can be a mind-draining waste of time.

[Mathias]

You like arguing with women?

I either ignore them when they wanna argue or just sarcastically argee, "Uh huh...yep...sure...that's what how I feel too."

My 2011 resolution was never to argue with women because it can be a mind-draining waste of time.

No, I like having my own opinions and not being afraid to express them.

If an argument happens, so be it.

[oldskool83]

invite to an event = you dont pay for anything. telling you it costs this much id be pissed. your boys not cheap, he needs to learn how invitations and g/fs go hand and hand.

if you go from what i read your gonna pay for your own food and shit too. add another $50.

[searock]

I really don't think it has to be a gender issue. If I ask my partner if he can pleease come along to some event that I know he has no interest in, I am obviously going to offer to pay. I would insist on it, too. Probably to the point of not "letting" him come if he refuses (obviously he can do what he wants, but I'd insist that much). If on the other hand I just ask him whether he'd like to go with me to an event (even if I know he has no interest in it), without trying to guilt him into it or anything, then if he agrees I naturally assume he's going to pay his half. I wasn't asking it as a personal favor, he agreed to it so I don't see why I should pay for him: he's doing it for himself, because he is probably going to enjoy it - even if he isn't, he probably decided the money would be well-spent just to do something that he knows I would enjoy, with me.

I would personally hate it if he agreed to come with me even if he didn't want to, and then also get to regret spending money on it. I'd MUCH rather he didn't come at all, I have no care for making him do something he feels uncomfortable with, let alone pay for it.

[Mathias]

he needs to learn how invitations and g/fs go hand and hand.

This doesn't even make sense.

If she doesn't want to go, she shouldn't go. He's not obligated to pay anything. It's a nice gesture, but implying that it's mandatory is actually degrading to her.

[Leona77]

I am not sure how I would act in this particular example because it is connected to previous issues you have had with money in your relationship to this guy.

In future, why not take a more subtle approach and pay the dinner once, then he pays next time...or pay two times in a row and then he pays two times in a row...It's still the equal times both of you pay( does not have to be that accurate) but it doesn't look like a 'financia/business meeting' . I think that the relationship needs more flexibility & you need to discuss your standpoints on money vs relationships....

I personally earn more money than an average man and I don't expect him to pay for me, especially not all the time... However, I don't agree that offering to pay for a girl's meal/date/ticket is insulting or degrading at all.On the contrary, I sometimes like it how a guy subtly called the waitress and paid when I was an the toilet. It just depends on the balance & common sense - he pays for movie tickets, you pay for parking etc...
Spliting EVERY bill in half is a bit too much for me as I see it to be petty...possibly controlling/stingy. You are going to see that person tomorrow, so it doesn't matter if you paid 2$ more this time, she'll pay 3$ next time and so on...

If you really want to find out if he's stingy, try offering to pay his bill once or two times in a row...If he accepts it wholeheartedly and next time you are out does not offer to pay, but splits the bill, dump the stingy bastard ))

p.s. btw, this is female perspective ahaha lol

[sadie_genie]

Ya, I agree with Leona. I don't think it is degrading at all to the woman when the guy pay for dates. It makes him more masculine. Just as I think it makes a woman more feminine if she contributes more effort in dressing up and looking good for the date than he does. I think women should respect men as men and let him pay for dates. I am also the type of person who think women should learn how to cook and is obligated to look her best when she sees the guy. I also think education and career adds substance to a woman but if the man is much lower in his capability in both areas than the woman in the relationship, he losses a kind of masculinity in my eyes. But of course, other people think differently and I think this is a personal choice. If two couples disagree on gender roles, they aren't compatible.

[Cerby]

I make significantly more than my gf, I pay for the majority of the dates even though she does offer to split the bills and even picks one up occasionally. As a relatively traditional male, I make sure that if I ask her or invite her to do something, I have the cash to cover us both.

That said, it has nothing to do with our incomes, and everything to do with my interpretation of our gender roles. If she made more than me, I'd still expect to cover the dates when we go out.

I believe the OP is fair in being a little annoyed that she is invited to do something, and then told after she would be paying her own way to an event she doesn't care about, but if its the trend in the relationship, than it should also be somewhat expected.

[James Banes]

The key word is "invited" not "forced". Whenever I've been invited places with co-workers, friends, family members, etc. I always expect to pay my own money. Dating shouldn't be any different. People got this stupid idea if you are invited then that means things are going to be provided by the person who invites you. Small wonder why I always make sure to tell people they have to pay their own way along with the invitation. This is also the reason why I take women to coffee shops on first dates. If she expects me to pay, at least I'm not spending an arm and a leg on a full meal. A coffee is much cheaper.

I'm thinking the OP just doesn't wanna go to the game but she doesn't wanna hurt his feelings. So she's using the money issue as an excuse to weasel out. It's too coincidental for her to have an issue with going dutch now when they've been doing it for so long already.

[JadenMia]

I make significantly more than my gf, I pay for the majority of the dates even though she does offer to split the bills and even picks one up occasionally. As a relatively traditional male, I make sure that if I ask her or invite her to do something, I have the cash to cover us both.

That said, it has nothing to do with our incomes, and everything to do with my interpretation of our gender roles. If she made more than me, I'd still expect to cover the dates when we go out.

I believe the OP is fair in being a little annoyed that she is invited to do something, and then told after she would be paying her own way to an event she doesn't care about, but if its the trend in the relationship, than it should also be somewhat expected.

I agree completely with this. Every man i have ever dated has always just wanted to pay the bill.. Never even been an issue. I like to chip in of course, but it has to be pushed and even then i usually had my money tossed back to me and denied. I think its nice to be offered to pay for, most men i have been with have liked to show they can support me, look after me in a sort of sense. Of course i can look after myself i earn a decent amount, but its still nice for a man to offer..

[IndiReloaded]

Who asks should pay. If he covers a ticket you feel is pricey, match it with a dinner or something of similar value.

But, you've been dating a while (2 years I read?). So if you don't want to go, just say so. Even if he was paying, why should he waste money on something you're not that into? Find something you both enjoy.

[IndiReloaded]

I make significantly more than my gf, I pay for the majority of the dates even though she does offer to split the bills and even picks one up occasionally. As a relatively traditional male, I make sure that if I ask her or invite her to do something, I have the cash to cover us both.

That said, it has nothing to do with our incomes, and everything to do with my interpretation of our gender roles. If she made more than me, I'd still expect to cover the dates when we go out.

I believe the OP is fair in being a little annoyed that she is invited to do something, and then told after she would be paying her own way to an event she doesn't care about, but if its the trend in the relationship, than it should also be somewhat expected.

I think your heart's in the right place. Tho a GF should reciprocate in taking you out as well. I like males who will hustle a bit for their women, but I think its unfair to expect them to do it all the time.

[bulrush]

I must apologize. I should have expressed my opinion without sounding so harsh. However I retain my opinion. I don't fault people for being different, it's just this women's lib issue is a pet peeve of mine. Most women I've met and gotten to know say they are "liberated" but don't act like it. Just my own personal bug up my @ss.

In everyday life I prefer an assertive, liberated woman. I look at my relationships as 2 equal people that are part of a team. Oddly enough, my preferences change quite a bit in the bedroom. I feel my 2 different preferences provide balance in my life. It's weird, but there it is.

[vashti]

I think he's stingy, and I think you were very short-sighted in the way you set up your spending habits. Whoever does the inviting should pay. That is simply good manners. The fact that you've participated in this arrangement implies you are happy with it, though, so I can't really blame him. But yeah, he's still stingy.

[Wakeup]

You know whats funny? OP: Was fine with their arrangement until her friends started interfering and then she started to have doubt. At least that's the way the opening post reads. If you were fine with going dutch before then don't let anyone make you think there is something wrong with it. If you want him to pay sometimes then I think Leona had a great way to see if he reciprocates

*I can definitely see my friend's point (the friend is a guy btw!) that my boyfriend is "stingy,"

*smiles*.. yep, nothing like a male friend to dis your boyfriend.. I'm sure your friend assumes he'd treat you so much better. It's so typical it's down right laughable, really.