I want to split up, but scared of seeing her cry and breaking her heart, need help!!

[stevenjameson]

Me and my girlfreind have been going out for over a year now and have one more year left of school before university. Its been a really great relationship and she is a lovely, sweet and genuinely wonderful girl who deserves someone amazing. Recently however as amazing as she is, ive been having doubts about our future together and thinking that its probably best to end the relationship. I really dont want to break her heart however as a week ago we came very close to breaking up and i couldnt bear to see her standing there with tears pouring down her face. Over the last year we've discussed a future after univeristy/college of marriage/kids etc and now i feel that i may have given her a false impression which is now going to make a break-up even harder as now she assumes she is in a stable long term relationship. Her sister was in a long term relatonship during high school and now engaged to the same guy which for me is a difficult act to follow. she is genuinely a lovely girl and so so beautiful and caring and kind and i love spending time with her but I just think its better to break up now than for us to try and fail in a long term relationship as I cannot trust myself around other women as im quite a flirty type of guy, espscially next year at uni, i have never cheated on her and i never will. I just need a way to gently let her down and say, we're too young for this, but at the same time i deeply love her and am so so scared of seeing her cry and breaking her heart and it would make me really jealous to see her with another guy, so i guess i still really love her but i just think that it would be best if we became close freinds.

please help me, this is tearing me apart

sorry for the long post!!!

[oldskool83]

you cant gently let her down, it will scar her mow. and you wont become close friends if you end it, there is going to be alot of bad feelings. your best bet if tell her truth which you just told us, your not ready for this and cant do it any longer.

be truthful, or you can be a dick and just ignor her like my ex did...well i wont go into details but lets just say im pissed at the way she handled it and couldnt talk up. so dont be chicken shit.

[Superfantastich]

Its inevitable she will be upset, all you can do is be upfront and tell her the truth. I think if I were in her situation I would feel worse if I knew my boyfriend was staying with me longer than he wanted out of sympathy

[Cerby]

To summarize the two above posts: Quit being a wuss and do what needs to be done.

[Bo]

If you don't break up with her then that makes you a dick, so just do it. I'd be pissed if someone stayed with me out of pity. Especially because you'll be tempted to do things....like cheat, because you don't want tot be with her and then you'll be in an even bigger mess.

[Leona77]

You seem like a genuinly good person and it's normal to care about someone you've been with for such a long time...It won't make you a worse person if you break-up. On the contrary-it will make you a bad person if you stay with her out of pity...You have to deal with the guilt because there is no other way to handle it. At the beginning she will be hurt,angry,sad...whatever she may feel but once she gets over you she'll respect you for the way you handled it and she'll understand that you respected her,too and were honest despite risking for her to 'hate' you...

[malteser]

You have to be honest with her now, it's hard for sure but as others have said it's worse to stay with someone because you are too afraid to end it.

[ms_law]

You need to reread your own post. You said that you couldn't stand it if you saw her with another man and that you wouldn't cheat on her.

This just sounds like a case of cold feet. I would say she's putting on a lot of pressure and talks about your future together as far as marriage after uni is a bit too premature. She needs not to compare her relationship with you to her sister's relationship with her future husband.

And yes, that was your mistake for talking to her about marriage/kids/etc. Don't fall into that trap and definitely, definitely don't initiate it, believe me it's easy for a man to go there without thinking. In the future, if it comes up, stop the conversation. Don't get upset, but you two need to have an agreement not to bring it up until there's actually a ring on her finger.

In all honesty, i feel that you really love this girl and that you aren't ready to let her go. So, just tell her that you love her and you want to be with her, but promise to not talk about marriage/kids or anything of the like. And be honest with her, tell her that aren't even ready to have that type of conversation. And tell her that, when you are ready, you'll be sure to let her know.