How do you forgive someone for breaking your heart?

[aer]

Hi,

So I never actually dated this guy he was just a friend. We started talking because he had a crush on me but then his feleings went away. I later had feelings for him and he told me he no longer felt the same way. He wouldn't talk to me anymore after, all he would do is tell me how awkward it was to be around me and that we couldn't hang out because he wasn't ready to be my friend in real life...we could only talk online until he was ready. He was rude to me afterwards and it really hurt because he was someone I was really beginning to trust. I tried to talk to him about it later and he said he didn't owe me an apology for not liking me anymore, thats not what hurt me...it was how rude he was afterwards. He was inconsiderate of my feelings... Do I try to get past this? Or should I just pretend like he doesn't exist anymore because it seems like all he wants to do it hurt me in the end? How can I stop caring for someone who obviously doesn't care about me?

[lahnnabell]

He was probably trying to make it very clear that he no longer had the same feelings. If he'd indulged you and tried to be friends with you, it only would have left you wanting more. Sucks that he had to be a jerk about it.

Leave him alone and just let him figure himself out. You should put your energy into things that make you happy because friendship with this guy clearly doesn't.

[matty007]

How can you stop caring for him? Easy! Imagine this lint licker as a long anticipated movie with a really bad ending. Sure you waited for it (him), you seen it (him), there’s a little disappointment because you realize it (he) really wasn’t worth your time. So then you smile and you realize the number of movies (friends) you have enjoyed because they were and still are worth your time! Never let a looser still your joy!!

[xxazurexx]

You know something, sometimes people have to be cruel to be kind and I think that what he did, which was to be HONEST about his feelings and cut contact, was the right thing for him to do even though it hurt you. However, he could have gone about it in a more civil manner and the rudeness and jerkish behaviour was uncalled for. He may have stooped to this unsavoury behaviour however and if you have been pushing and pressurising him to talk. Maybe he feels that by being rude and nasty, he will get it through to you that he has no feelings left. Sorry if I'm wrong btw.

End of day, he was honest and rather than lead you on and continue to give you false hopes. Being HONEST, is something I wish my ex had done....only he didn't have the balls and continued to lie to me and decieve me.

I'd let him go...which is what I did with my ex. No hard feelings on my part and I guess it wasn't his fault that he couldn't give me what I wanted. We can't force people to have feelings for us at the end of the day - I just decided to waste no more valuable time on him.

[QueenofCorona]

He hasn't shown that he'd like forgiveness so you owe him no favors. He has shown you he doesn't want you as a girlfriend nor a friend. His loss. You were the better, bigger person here and he showed you he is immature and lacks friendship loyalty. The best thing you can do is move on, live well, and don't look back.

[cmacattack1]

Yeah, he could have went about it a better way. He very well could be confused about his feelings. I for one was very confused about how I felt for a while with a serious girlfriend and my inability or desire to want to deal with it did leave her pretty hurt. I didn't intentionally mean to do it, I just was very immature and not very good at communicating. He could very well be the same way, not very mature about it and not very good at communicating it.

Although he did a better job communicating, the part I don't like is kind of keeping you around at the same time, albeit not as a hookup or anything but keeping some form of contact. I mean, it is completely up to you to keep him in your life and you know what you are getting yourself into, so there is no excuse to end up hurt here. While you can't help how you feel, you are entirely in control of your contact with him. So if it hurts you right now, just cut it off. Keep him away until you do not have feelings for him anymore. Easier said than done, as some of us will always have a little bit of feelings for people we care about (even if we tell ourselves we don't). But as long as you come to terms with it, accept it as it is, and make an effort to focus elsewhere (more on you, other people, etc.), your feelings will subside. Who knows how it will be in the future, although if he hurt you already, he very well could hurt you again. In case he "all of the sudden" feels for you after you say no to him. Which is a bad deal anyway.

But those are the what ifs. You know what you need to do, so just execute. Cut contact, if he tries, politely remind him that you can't do what he wants and to give you space. Don't keep tabs on him through the F'book or whatever other means of communication there are. Focus on you (school, work, gym to get in shape, whatever makes you happy).

[IndiReloaded]

You know something, sometimes people have to be cruel to be kind and I think that what he did, which was to be HONEST about his feelings and cut contact, was the right thing for him to do even though it hurt you. However, he could have gone about it in a more civil manner and the rudeness and jerkish behaviour was uncalled for. He may have stooped to this unsavoury behaviour however and if you have been pushing and pressurising him to talk.

This^ is my guess as well. Is it possible you pushed him to the point of discomfort? In any case, I think its always best to forgive such things. Unless he's naturally a hateful person (doubtful, if you liked him) he was probably just unable to cope with the situation for whatever reason. Forgive for your sake, tho, not his.

[Gigabitch]

Look at the word "forgive". Do you mean it as an absolution, like you're trying to say that the way he hurt you is okay? That's probably not going to happen. See it more like debt forgiveness- like he doesn't owe you anything any more. I'll bet you can do that.

[Raze]

I think you're looking at forgiveness the wrong way. I think you mean how do you forget about someone. It takes time.. lots of time and self evaluation. Look at it as an opportunity to live with yourself comfortably. Believe that you can live with yourself without anyone first. Then, look for someone else.