Emotional Affair?

[vashti]

Trust me, you would. Regardless, I still agree with the alimony system, even for non-exceptional cases.

[Mathias]

What's with the ???...I said I was going to ask you a straight question, and you wouldn't answer it.

No. Not even close.

Try again, Sparky.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You're the one that threw your personal business in the mix, and now you finally realize there's no defense, other than, "I want more money."

Thanks for proving my point.

[misombra]

HA! I would love to see you try and clean the house and make meals along wih taking care of a small child. I challenge you to try it for a day.

[misombra]

...and if it isnt all finished by the time i get home you can add that to all the other crap i come home stressed out about. And trust me, you will be my punching bag. Thats if i come home at all before you go to sleep.

[Wakeup]

Personally, I wouldn't challenge him because he may do very well at it. Besides it's nice to keep this as a simple discussion and not make it about a battle of the sexes. I'd just like to discuss it with him after he's experienced it all... then he will have more credibility in his opinion that it's easy and stress free. I have no issue with your opinion, BUOGS, just the stuff you've not gone through yet and have an (apparent) prejudiced view towards is all.

I've done it all. Worked, had the kid, went back to work when she was only three months old and it killed us both to drop her off at a baby sitter (even though it was hubby's sister) when she was so little. Then, when she was two my firm shut down and we decided that I'd stay home with her for a while until my severance ran out. (Which was a year's salary) That year turned into 6 years and I was a stay at home mom/"domestic goddess" until she was in school full time wherein I went back to work at a job that allowed me to take her to school and pick her up. I retired from that job this year. (except for the odd assignment when someone needs help). So, I've done it both ways and can actually relate through hands on experience. Looking back, I'd not change a thing about the way we handled things. If we were to divorce, I'm pretty sure the split would be equal and amicable and I would not touch his pension money.. He earned that, not me but then again I know that if I was strugling, he'd help me out and vice versa. We've been a part of each other's lives for a whole lot of years.

[misombra]

He may dO very well with it until he finds out his wife has been having an affair on the side.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

HA! I would love to see you try and clean the house and make meals along wih taking care of a small child. I challenge you to try it for a day.

Okay, so you clearly missed the part where I said having children changes my outlook on the situation. I guess you also missed the part where I said, I'm more than willing to cook and clean, and look forward to helping raise a child. Not sure what your intent was, with this post.

[vashti]

You're the one that threw your personal business in the mix, and now you finally realize there's no defense, other than, "I want more money."

Thanks for proving my point.

It must seem like a very tiny world out there for you if you are unable to imagine ANY scenario in which someone who didn't earn a paycheck was indeed earning their keep.

You are making yourself sound more ridiculous than ever, especially to any of the long term posters who know my background.

[Wakeup]

He may dO very well with it until he finds out his wife has been having an affair on the side.

How would that suddenly make him stop being a good father and "domestic god?" It may make him bitter towards women for a while but do you think (keeping into consideration what his views are on alimony thus far) that he'd hit her up for alimony payments if he was working and making a good living at it? I don't think he would do that, he appears to be a man of conviction... although this is the internet and for all we all know he and everyone here could be full of shit. lol

[BackUpOrGetStng]

It must seem like a very tiny world out there for you if you are unable to imagine ANY scenario in which someone who didn't earn a paycheck was indeed earning their keep.

Now, you are the one who does not comprehend. Earning your keep, whether it's with a paycheck, or raising children, or devoting yourself to taking care a chronically ill spouse is what is honored by splitting the assets. I have a hard time thinking of a scenario where half of the assets shouldn't be enough for either party. That's the only thing I've been trying to get out of you for this entire discussion. Instead of giving me a straight answer on where you're coming from, you just insult me and keep moving.

[vashti]

Now, you are the one who does not comprehend. Earning your keep, whether it's with a paycheck, or raising children, or devoting yourself to taking care a chronically ill spouse is what is honored by splitting the assets. I have a hard time thinking of a scenario where half of the assets shouldn't be enough for either party. That's the only thing I've been trying to get out of you for this entire discussion. Instead of giving me a straight answer on where you're coming from, you just insult me and keep moving.

How will splitting up the assets account for all the time one was unable to contribute to their retirement fund because they weren't working for pay? Particularly in the case of a long-term marriage, where the non-working spouse has no career path options, due to their age, poor health, or the necessity of caring for sick relatives? How will these people be able to continue saving for their old age when they can't get a decent job anymore?

[Wakeup]

How will splitting up the assets account for all the time one was unable to contribute to their retirement fund because they weren't working for pay?

We actually worked that out and hubby contributed to my fund while I was a stay at home mom. Mind you, it was less of a contribution then when I was working but it kept building non-the-less. Did you know that when you are'nt working you actually spend far less money then you do when you are working? At least that was how it was for us. Less gas/communte money, less on nylons or pantyhouse, clothing, coffee, lunches etc.

[quote]

How will splitting up the assets account for all the time one was unable to contribute to their retirement fund because they weren't working for pay? Particularly in the case of a long-term marriage, where the non-working spouse has no career path options, due to their age, poor health, or the necessity of caring for sick relatives? How will these people be able to continue saving for their old age when they can't get a decent job anymore?

The chances of you having saved as much as splitting the equity on a home that you didn't help with the mortgage on is slim to none. (even in a high paying job) That is the reality of that. Of course with the US economy the way it is right now, I may want to see a supplimental income if I'd only worked at home and never outside of it. If I worked, well that's another story.

[vashti]

We actually worked that out and hubby contributed to my fund while I was a stay at home mom. Mind you, it was less of a contribution then when I was working but it kept building non-the-less. Did you know that when you are'nt working you actually spend far less money then you do when you are working? At least that was how it was for us. Less gas/communte money, less on nylons or pantyhouse, clothing, coffee, lunches etc.

I'm not talking about a young mother who can go to work when the kid gets to be school-age. I'm talking about the 50+ year old, who will have a hard time getting a job due to their age and lack of work experience over the previous 30 years..

[vashti]

The chances of you having saved as much as splitting the equity on a home that you didn't help with the mortgage on is slim to none. (even in a high paying job) That is the reality of that. Of course with the US economy the way it is right now, I may want to see a supplimental income if I'd only worked at home and never outside of it. If I worked, well that's another story.

Are you kidding me? Are you really saying that one should live off the home equity, and forget about having a nest egg for when they are too old to work? Be serious. Do you have any idea how much it costs to be old and in poor health? Do you want all the old people living on welfare?