I don't understand how this just happened..ANY advice? Please!!

[JDLong89]

This is without a doubt the hardest break up I've ever went through. My (ex)girlfriend, 19, and I ,22, just broke up after dating for 7 months. The reason and situation to why we broke up is what confuses me the most.

I got a scholarship for baseball to play at a college 8 hours away from home. I told her that we wouldnt work out if I left home and she stayed, so she agrees to go to a cheaper college near mine. Everything was fine and i loved her even more for making that decision. I was her first love and we got along great...until I found out i wouldnt be going to the college until the spring semester, which meant that she would be starting a new life away from family and friends by herself, living with 3 random girl roommates, without me. Everything was cool at first i came to see her and we skyped and communicated well...Then it changed...

The next week after i saw her on the weekend, where she cried miserably to me begging me not go because she was alone, she changed. She said that a weird feeling came upon her that made her have doubts and question the relationship. The things she was saying made no sense and only devostated me. We seemed to skype and talk on the phone less, but txt more. She always seemed to be busy when i wanted to talk and when we did she would sound annoyed at me. She then called and said she didnt want to be with someone that she couldnt give 100% to. This is why it's confusing...She moved down there just for me so i know she loves me, but she drastically changed so fast, saying all this negative stuff about our relationship that she never said before and wasnt true....

She tells me she loved me and im the guy for her. Even talked about marriage and starting a new life together when i came down in the spring. Then it all changed so fast...WHY???

I have no clue what to do. I know i cant change her feelings and make her get back, but i know she loves me and the fact that we never see each other doesnt help the cause..

So please anyone, give me some advice...please

[bulrush]

Then it all changed so fast...WHY???

I know this might be hard for you to process, but I think she found another guy she likes more. Whatever happened, she's trying to spare your feelings by not telling you everything. IMO.

She said that a weird feeling came upon her that made her have doubts and question the relationship.

Um yeah. Some other guy kissed her, and she liked it. That explains the "weird feeling".


What kind of grades do you get in college? What's your GPA?

[JDLong89]

See thats the thing, i thought it was another guy at first, but her facebook pics have no guys nor does she ever talk about them. It still lingers in the back of my mind ofcourse, even though she has changed, she has always been an honest girl. I personally think it is the drastic change that made this happen. She told me (when she first moved down there and we spoke on the phone alot) that she had spent that whole first week crying in her bathroom because I and her entire family was not there and she was all alone. I think she was forced to try to get over the fact she could never see me and by missing me so much she couldnt handle it.

But who am I to say, i will never know the truth, but ill be transferring there in the spring so if its meant to be it will, if not i guess it wont.

Any thoughts??

[devonbrown]

I don't think it is necessarily another guy. I think it is more that she realized that she needs to find herself. You said yourself that she moved out there to be close to you. That is a huge decision to make any time, no less after 7 months of dating and at a time where she is trying to figure out who she is and what she wants out of life. A lot of people go away to college and find out things about themselves they never knew before.

I wouldn't take the breakup as such a horrible thing. Just understand that things change. People can not stay the same forever. And the direction that she is going doesn't match up with the direction you are going. Sorry. Concentrate on yourself for a little bit to get over the pain and then look elsewhere for other romantic partners.

Good luck

[James Banes]

Her not facebooking him or talking about it doesn't dismiss the possibility of another dude. He might not have facebook or use it that often so he hasn't been added. Plus, women don't talk about other dudes with their boyfriends. Why don't you ask their roommates what the deal is?

[JDLong89]

Idk man...but to be honest, what makes the the most mad is because when we first started dating i considered myself "out of her league" if you know what i mean. I went with the personality more than the looks and the fact that someone like that would break it off with me kinda makes me mad, she thinks i was desperate to get back with her when i was only trying to save the relationship, but yea she move away to there from living at home with her mom so i know she has changed, and i still live at home when i should be dorming down there...i knew it was going to change but i thought i would be down there to change with her.

Im already over her but there is this weird feeling in the back of my heart that tells me when i move down in december that everything is going to be ok

Im just going to let her live her life and find herself, i cannot do anything to make a woman change her mind, im already going on 2 dates with 2 different girls so maybe if we see other people for this semester we will either realize we mis each other or move on..either way its a good thing.

[James Banes]

Good to hear that, JD. Bang the hell outta those two chicks, will ya? When you get too old for college girls you'll start missing them.

[MerryH]

I went with the personality more than the looks and the fact that someone like that would break it off with me kinda makes me mad

WOW. Wow. I hope this is just your hurt feelings talking, because this is a really sickening attitude for several reasons.

Im just going to let her live her life and find herself, i cannot do anything to make a woman change her mind, im already going on 2 dates with 2 different girls so maybe if we see other people for this semester we will either realize we mis each other or move on..either way its a good thing.

This is a good attitude.

[searock]

Idk man...but to be honest, what makes the the most mad is because when we first started dating i considered myself "out of her league" if you know what i mean. I went with the personality more than the looks and the fact that someone like that would break it off with me kinda makes me mad, she thinks i was desperate to get back with her when i was only trying to save the relationship

If you really mean all this, then good for her to get out.

I also don't think that it necessarily means she found another guy. Whether there is another guy or not, a lot of things are changing in her life and she's only just starting to see the world from another perspective. It's very common for people that age to break up with high school partners when they go to college - regardless of the fact that there may or may not be somebody else, and regardless of the fact that they go to the same college. If you two were meant to be (and if you didn't mean the things I quoted above, which are wrong in so many ways), then when you move to the town she's living in, you will eventually find your way together again. For now, I think you are doing the right thing in moving on and dating other girls, nothing too serious.

[JDLong89]

about the attitude thing...well yea i meant it because i usually date good looking girls with terrible attitudes or have the tendency to cheat. since ive already had a long term relation with a hot girl who broke my heart by cheating i have a tendency to not trust girls. Can you blame me? No i don think you can. But she was a cute but not "blow your mind away" kinda girl but she was very honest and a great personality. She was the 2nd girl i ever loved. I never expected her to break it off, if anything i thought it would be me, and since she did it startled me. But yes i really did love this girl and im making straight A's right now so yes i will be going down there. As for her coming down this weekend I have NO idea what to do lol. Its gonna be so weird seeing her because the last time i did we were together and it was great, but now its going to be weird because of all this sh*t we have been going thru these past few weeks.

(Yes i have left out alot because yall dont feel like reading my life relationship novel) but long story short...A) She started spending time with friends and communicating with me less, B) I kinda maybe just a little got jealous and wanted to talk more, C) She said she needed space and i agreed at first, D) that lasted a whole day and i told her we should get back together and she could still have space, E) I talked to her less and actually went a whole weekend without talking to her (my choice) and she actually callled me really pissed off...hmm?? F) eventually she calls and says we cant work it out, i agreed, AND finally G) she txts me (i never textd back) after like 3 days of not talking and says she deleted me from her friends on FB because 2 girls already added me as friends and commented on my relaitonship status. Basically she wants to have fun but as for me she wants me to have a hard and depressing life, but on the whole OCT. 1 was her b day and i did wish her a happy b day.
I do honestly know she loves me and talking to yall has helped and the fact that all this happened while she is 8 hours away helps alot because i never saw her anyways, but im over the depression stage and im happy right now, but she is still always on my mind in a good way, somehow i just feel like we are going to be together and actually be really happy....IDK why its just a weird feeling

[JDLong89]

Ok, I just found out that she is coming down this weekend and she just texted me asking if I could meet her before I go into work. This is going to be extremely awkward for us because the last time we were with each other everything was great and from that point until this weekend so much has change and so much has happened.

My question to yall is where do I go from here. Should I bring up our relationship or call her bluff and see if she does? Do I tell her i miss her and want to get back, or not bring it up at all? She said she's meeting me so she can give me my stuff back (and by stuff she means my necklace that is very sentimental to me) and that's it. Do yall think she will bring us up or is this relationship dead and gone?????

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Don't bring it up. Just be pleasant, and don't try to hang around too long. Just get the necklace and leave. Don't show her that you have any feelings for her. If she wants to talk, tell her that you're willing to talk about getting back together, but nothing else with her, and ask her not to contact you unless she changes her mind.