Is the problem my mind?

[GSA]

Here goes...

Well, I've just started a new relationship about a week ago. He's an actual good guy-not at all what is usually around here. We share a lot in common and mostly have a good time. We'll call him B. Also, I'm 17 years old, which could make a difference.

The problem is...I'm thinking I have this huge fear of messing up one good thing that has come into my life, because of my past and what has happend before...or maybe it's all in my mind.

See, I'm used to disappointment and some type of rejection. I've been in two relationships, neither of which I loved, but just liked. And the person I did love, let's call them A, I was never with. And I think that may have screwed me up somehow, because in my new relationship I can't help but feel every action I take is wrong or stupid or is going to cause things to end.

To be completely honest, I really think I'm still in love with A. The farthest we went was just a kiss, and they told me to them it was more of a friendship type deal, but I always thought that was lies...I mean, I don't go around kissing every single one of my friends. And see what I'm doing? I'm STILL, months later,going around and around in my head of what happened between us and what's happening right now. We're not friends really, but I can't help but feel that there's something there.

And I also think I have a huge problem with communicating feelings...because I fear that if I start to talk about how I feel, either it'll come out wrong and hurt the person (which it has before) or that the person will feel like it's way too early to even have feelings.

The point is...I'm in a new relationship with a good guy, and I'm scared of screwing things up now...we've only been dating a week and yet I fear things are wrong. I think I'm still in love with someone who probably doesn't like me back, but I don't know for sure.

Is the problem all in my mind? Am I thinking too much? Should I ask A what they feel? Should I ask B what they feel?

Bottom line: Should I communicate, or shut up?

[Ms. Lonelyheart]

I'm sorry to say...the guy you actually like sounds like he wasn't serious. I'm not at all experienced in relationship psychology, but who would just kiss someone once and then not follow up at all unless they were just fooling around?...that seems like what's happened here. I hope I'm not right. But in case I am, I'm sorry for what's happened to you.

If the guy you're dating now is a kind and decent person, then I would stay with him and not go chasing waterfalls. You may feel a 'spark' for the other guy. But those always eventually die out, from what I've seen.

[GSA]

Hmm, I see what you mean and you're probably right. It's funny, but if you asked me a year ago if I would like A to have kissed me, I would have without a doubt said yes. But now...I'm kinda regretting it. I feel like it's all been one big game with him....I'm kinda tempted to bring it up with him, but I think that may come off as annoying, and too emotional or something of that sort.

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

[Ladybird123]

I'm with Ms Lonelyheart - Just enjoy being with B for who he is and dont let A's past behaviour get in the way, draw a line under what happened (sometimes this can take time), declare it as A's loss and concentrate on being happy and confident in your own flirty wonderfulness and B will definately follow

[MaidenMinx]

Honey, this is your first lesson in people can be jerks. A kissed you because he could, not because he wanted to. He didn't think it would affect you so much, and if he did, he didn't care. Let him go and move on.

If B is a nice guy, treat him as he deserves to be treated, and as you would want to be treated. Forget A, focus on B. He deserves it.

The day I met my hubby, a guy I'd just gotten together with had to leave the country. He disappeared for months and over time I started getting to know the man I have married. The day hubby and I got together, I found out the previous guy was on his way back home. I spent the next 3 days crying and stressing and not knowing what to do. I then realised that what I was doing was not fair on hubby. Needless to say I made the right decision as here it is, 8 yrs later and we're still very happy together.
I hope my story helps settle your mind.