Help needed! ( Warning long!)

[chrish0rn]

Warning, this is going to be a bit of a long one.


A bit about me. I am 28 and now living at home, saving up to move out again. I keep pretty fit training for Ironman distance triathlons. I am also quite geeky and have read the game, mm and lots of other PUA materials. I used to do pickup quite a bit and have had quite a number of girlfriends over the years. Lately the last 3 or 4 years though, since I have been living at home I have not really gone out as much and have kind of dedicated myself to training and also to qualifying as a chartered accountant. I am nearly done with that, with my last exam in December.

She is 25 gorgeous HB 8 and living in a flat above her mums pub. She is a bit of a nutty girl and works in a job she hates.

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 11 months and we broke up last Friday.

We had been planning on moving in together only a month and a half ago, I thought everything was going great:
An email from her end of August:

I believe you are off on Thursday, the next month is going to be weird. When you get back from your holiday it’s not going to be long and them im off. BUT then when I am back its not long until we are going
to be under the same roof.

Eeeeeee!

How’s your morning been treating you el spazz squirrel?

x



Anyway, I went on a family holiday for 2 weeks and then when I got back she didn’t quite feel the same about us moving in together. The flat is quite small and she said she needed a bit more space and had
been thinking about it and that we would probably end up killing each other if we moved into this tiny space together. I kind of agreed and said that I thought we should start looking for a bigger place
though as I was still keen on moving in at some point in the future.

She then went to Ibiza on a bit of a raving holiday with some friends and when she came back I thought everything was ok again. She messaged me quite a lot(every day),sent me a postcard etc, brought me back
a present.

I thought everything was ok, although one of the main sports she has a passion for she has decided to quit as she no longer enjoys all the tactics of it etc.

She was feeling a bit down when she got back from holiday, since she was dreading going back to work, she really hates it there, so I got her a nice bunch of flowers and a card with ducks on it( In the card
instead of writing To Liz, hope this cheers you up etc, I wrote Quack, quack, Quack, quack, Quack, quack)

So yeah,on the Thursday night I spent the time over hers and she was feeling a bit shit since she was off her medication. She is on 10mg of Citalopram, but she went down to Dorset for a family thing on the
Saturday before we broke up and lost all her tablets, so for the last week she was not on anything and had been feeling like shit. I ask her that night if she has been thinking anymore about su moving in
together and she says that her friend anna is probably going to be moving in as she needs a place to stay and she hasn’t thought about us at all.
So yeah, we get up in the morning and she is a bit cold and distant and then she drives to town where she can go to work and I can get a train to work.

After we get out the car she tells me that she is not "feeling us" anymore and that we should break up. I am at this moment in time a bit gob smacked, she said it was just a series of small little things
like:

1/ I was rude to her on her birthday a couple of months ago as I had booked harry potter premiere and she was 30 mins late.... We eventually made up and everything was good I thought. I think I was still
justified in being a bit off with her as she is always late and it is one of the only things we ever used to row about. I think it is just disrespectful being really late for things that have been arranged.

2/ when the HP touchpads went on sale for like 1/3 the price. I automatically got myself one and didn’t get her on even though she said that if i saw one available to get her one as she wanted one and would
pay me back. I did eventually get her one, but had to pay a bit more over the odds
as everywhere had sold out. I apologised for being selfish and being a bit of a dick and said she would only have to pay me the original cost. I would swallow the extra I paid. I earn about 1/3 more than
her.

There wasn’t really much else for her to say, other than that.

I am just a bit lost as to how there can be such a complete U-turn in such a short space of time. Moving in together to broken up...

Before she went on holiday we were pretty inseparable and used to see each other during the week at least once and used to hang out at the weekends as well.

Later that morning I sent her an email . I was pretty raw at the time and wonder if it was a good idea or not and whether I came across as uber needy.


Hi Liz,

I am going to really, really, miss you.

I loved spending time with you and have some really nice memories of us when we were together. The trip down to Cornwall, the time you picked me up in London that night So many......

I think the emotion I am currently experiencing most at the moment is sadness.

I thought you were the girl for me.

I thought we had a bright future together and that one day we were going to go on awesome travels to Thailand, America and all over. I looked forward to us moving in together and having a geek den with all
our little gadgets and stuff. I also looked forward to us doing 10ks and other sporting things like London to Brighton. I guess we won’t be doing that together now.

You can keep all of my stuff that you have.

I am not very good with goodbyes, but since I probably won’t ever see you again, I hope you have a nice life and you pick up your photography and do really well. You are an amazing, gorgeous young woman and
you can do anything you put your mind to. You just need to have the confidence in yourself. I know you can do it and I hope that you realise it too. I hope you have a nice few little squirrels one day. Shame
they won’t be T Horns.

Goodbye

Love

Mr Squirrel

xx


She did reply to the email I sent it later that night, but since I don’t have access to my work email from home I only picked it up on Monday morning.


I'm sorry that i have made you sad, i really am.

Your email was very sweet.

I know we have had good times and they are good memories to have, we have had lots of fun, i never said that we didn't. But just over the past few months things have changed and just very recently i haven't
been feeling us.

I don't know what will happen in the future (I'm not Mystic Meg) but i really hope that you get through your exams and everything, I'm sure you will seeing as you have got this far. I know you may have
missed the past couple hurdles but you can do it. You will be super accountsman McHorn.
As well as that your desire for your sports is great, i expect that you will become fitter and faster and win lots of medals along the way.

If you do ever go for the plunge and get your tattoo, send me a pic. Would be good to see the artwork that you choose and stuff.

I don't quite know what i have of yours, but if there is anything you can think of that i haven't seen let me know and we can meet up and i can get you it. Will arrange to meet to get you your skate pads at
some point. Also, let me know your bank details and i will transfer that money over to you when i get paid. I hope that is ok.

Look after all your family (specially your mum the silly sausage). You need to be super horn and look after them all.

Take care xx






At the moment, after reading through lots of advice on this area, I think the best thing is to completely sever contact. I have deleted her off facebook and twitter(her mum is still my friend on facebook and
we have a few mutual friends). I was then planning on reinitiating contact again in a months time asking for my skate pads back and if she could meet me somewhere mutually convenient to get them. We could
then go for coffee etc.

Our Aniversary woudl have been 5th November. Should I reinitiate before then or after that date ?

I have asked the advice from a few girls including my sister and she says I need to bust ehr on what the real reason was as the "not feeling it" seems like a complete load of shit.

Do you guys think this is fixable if I "man up" ?


Any advice would be appreciated. I am feeling a bit shit her at the moment. We always used to message each other goodnight and stuff and the last few days with just silence have been a bit meh.

What do I do if she makes contact before ? payday is towards the end of this month and she might message or call me asking for my bank details.

I think she lost attraction for me, because I turned into a bit of a wussy. What do you guys think ?

At the moment she owes me money for a HP touchpad, about £100 and has some of my rollerskate pads as well as a few other bits and pieces. Do I just email her back my bank details so I get the money ? or just
completely leave it for a month or so.
My plan for the next month is just to keep training hard. I have already run 30 miles in the last 3 days and to make sure I pass my last exam. I am also going to go and get my hair highlighted. I think a bit of a change and refresh is in order.

[UnrealTairo]

wow man, Im pretty good with most stuff like this but if shes not see'ing anyone else that you just dont know about, I'm pretty stumped.
Are you sure this "girl" moving in with her was actually a girl? If so, is she bi? Sounds like there isn't anything else to pick out and its kind of weird she didn't bring that up herself to you, she waited until you asked then that was her reason for nothing thinking about you 2 moving in.
It fits the timeline for her rapid decrease in interest in moving.

At any rate anything you do from this point on is going to be a string on yourself. Don't do it. If she isn't gonna put you first just move on. Easier said then done, but try your best to resist the emails to her. Somethings going on and she won't tell you, and I'll put money it has something to do with this guy/girl that moved in with her.

[chrish0rn]

She has dated girls many years ago, but this person moving has a boyfriend and is definitely 100% straight.

There is no other guy at all so I am still a bit ???

[UnrealTairo]

Well something definetly happened in that timeline, other then this girl moving in with her, what else could have?
And maybe she lied about the girl that moved in? Who said the girl was straight?
Her running out of pills shouldn't have caused her to go from full on move in commitment to break up that fast.
There has to be something missing either from the story or something she didn't tell you.
Other then that..... could be fear of commitment once time was near.
Did she not explain why such a fast change?

[chrish0rn]

Well, in between us deciding to move in together I did go on holiday for 2 weeks as I said.

When I got back, thats when she told me over "pillow talk".

Whilst I was away we still kept in contact, whatsapping nearly every day...

i got her that touchpad in the end and she did also ask me to get her loads fo chewing gum "big red". I only got her 1 packet and she looked really disappointed etc. she also asked me to get her some american jam which I got her. But surely it cant be anything to do with that ??


This other girl moving in has only come about recently as she will haev to get someone in to pay the rent.

Previously her mum and girlfriend lived at the pub, byt they moved out to rent some of the rooms. Since my ex's mum etc moved out she has now had to pay rent.

[UnrealTairo]

Hmm, if that really is it then I would honestly ask her why the change in email just out of your curiosity and perhaps trick her into answering it in full by saying "now that we have no chance of working out anyway, I just wanna know for maybe the next girlfriend so I dont repeat the mistake" , will be a ploy to get her to feel comfortable and tell u more by saying that.
Cause I honestly see something unsaid or unknown here.
Its like you posted in here, it doesn't make sense. We must go digging! lol

[chrish0rn]

Thanks for the advice Unreal.

Does anyone else have any opinions ??

[chrish0rn]

*Bit of an update*


Last couple of days have been torture. Found myself almost crying at work, but managed to save all my emotions and let them out when I got home.

Straight away phoned a few old friends and had a catch up with them, talked through the situation etc, made me feel a bit better just talking about it again with someone. also had a nice catchup with one of my best mates from Uni, put a smile back on my face.

I went onto facebook and deleted her mum from my friends list and removed all the tagged pictures she had of "us" and me. A bit petty I guess, but made me feel better.

I have also blocked her on whatsapp and msn now.

I am still a bit undecided about when to get in contact. I think I have 2 choices that I am mulling over at the moment. Either:

a/ let her come to me

b/ call her a few days after her pay day ( near the end of the month ) so I can give her my bank details to get paid the money she owes me.

I have also noted that she seems to be commenting on all our mutual friends status updates. It is kinda like she is trying to get in contact with me or something. Maybe I am reading too much into it.

[MaidenMinx]

Hun, all that has happened is she has gotten to the end of the honeymoon period and wondered what happened. The chewing her out for being late, combined with your implied selfishness, combined with the loss of the honeymoon period made her assume that you guys weren't meant for each other. Simplest way to look at it is, she is flakey and not long term material.

[chrish0rn]

Urgh.

This no contact shit is hard.

Even though I have blocked her on msn. I notice that she keeps updating her status to stuff like confused face emotes and on her twitter she is putting updates like " Head needs to shut down. So tired. Meh! "

ARGH!

[chrish0rn]

*Update*

Ok, so I logged into MSN today and after about 5 minutes she messages me and wonders if I am ok.

I say I am good etc and we proceed to have small talk for about 15 mins.

I tell her I have been out running a lot etc and keeping fit. She tells me that she is not very motivated to go out for a run because it is so cold etc. I tease her a bit and tell her to get her ass in gear.

I then cut the conversation short saying that my laptop battery is dying and I have to go etc.



Thoughts ??

Good ? Bad ?

[chrish0rn]

Man this no contact stuff hurts like hell.

[HeartIsAching]

Well, in between us deciding to move in together I did go on holiday for 2 weeks as I said.

When I got back, thats when she told me over "pillow talk".

Whilst I was away we still kept in contact, whatsapping nearly every day...

i got her that touchpad in the end and she did also ask me to get her loads fo chewing gum "big red". I only got her 1 packet and she looked really disappointed etc. she also asked me to get her some american jam which I got her. But surely it cant be anything to do with that ??


This other girl moving in has only come about recently as she will haev to get someone in to pay the rent.

Previously her mum and girlfriend lived at the pub, byt they moved out to rent some of the rooms. Since my ex's mum etc moved out she has now had to pay rent.

I think she had some space to think while on holiday, and came to some realizations.

...Hell yes, it can be things like that! She asked you to get her an HP Touchpad when they went on sale, and you didn't? She asked you to bring her loads of Big Red when you come back and you brought her ONE pack of gum? You and she have different views on time-usage as my wife and I do... but it's not up to me to tell my wife to get her ass out the door or she'll be late for work - I sometimes gently remind her of the time. It's not "rude", that's your expectation and it wasn't being met. Some people simply have different time-usage ideas.

Frankly it sounds to me as if she thought about it and went "Wow... he's kind of a selfish prick".

I'm not saying this is really the case, but maybe these are some things you want to think about in future.

[chrish0rn]

You know what, after much thought, I think she needs to take a bit of responsibility as well.

I am a pretty damn good boyfriend and most men wouldn't put up with half the shit she put me through.

Admittedly I am not perfect, but the things she called me out on are so minor its pathetic.

*Spine Restored*

Time to move forward.