Long Distance Relationship advice

[ssimonson09]

Hi all!

So I was wondering if I could get some advice on how to improve things in the long distance relationship I'm currently in.

A little back story, I'm 25 and a grad student in Fort Collins, CO. My girlfriend is 22, just finished undergrad last May, and is currently living at home in Portland, OR while taking some time off to apply for grad schools. We've been going out for just over a year now, (13 months to be exact) and the past 5 months of that have been long distance. We're able to see each other about once a month either for a long weekend, or sometimes longer (a week or so) depending on school and work schedules. However, we still have at least 6 more months until she'll move back here if she gets into grad school here, or I move there, if she gets into grad school there.

At the present we usually talk more or less nightly for about an hour or so, and also text the usual "good morning" and "good night" stuff, and other things. We also use skype on occasion when we have the time for it.

Over all things have been going fairly decently in this so far because we've both got a great deal of trust in one another and are very open with one another about things and can rationally talk about our problems with one another. However, over the past month or two we've realized that there are some things we could improve on so I'm turning to you guys and gals for some advice.

The first is that she wants things to maybe be a little less predictable (as far as with the texting goes) in the relationship. It's not that she doesn't like getting them, it's that she's a little bored with seeing the same thing many days, so any ideas on how to mix it up? Second, How can we remind each other that the magic of our relationship is still there? When we visit each other its super obvious, but when we're apart sometimes its hard to see it and be reminded that it's worth all the effort. How can we remind each other of this? (I think this is one of the biggest ones) Also, any ideas on how we can create memories together even though we're far away? When we were both in school together we would see each other almost every other day, so we were constantly doing things together, but now we see each other only a few days every couple of weeks. I know this plays into the remind each other of the magic thing, but have no idea where to go on it. Finally, how can I be more engaging in our phone conversations? I know I need to be asking more questions, and recently picked up Intellectual Foreplay to help with that but still feel like I could use some work.

Either way, thanks for reading through this and hopefully having some good advice for me. We both really love each other and really want this thing to work out. Looking forward to hearing some different perspectives on this from everyone on this forum.

[Mathias]

I think everything you described comes down to spontaneity. If I'm right, you're talking about your day, rehashing the same three conversations over and over again, etc.

I ran into this problem when I got my first job, and my (then) girlfriend was still in school. You just have to mix up what you're doing. For example, we used to surf the internet and play wacky games together that we found. We asked each other outrageous personal questions - trying to one-up each other. We planned out entire days of the next time we were going to see each other (that we never stuck to).

Above everything else, it is a phase. It seems like you have a good plan for getting back together - just get through this.

Best of luck.

[MissAzolee]

ur not alone! im in a long distance realtionship too and im 15 its really tough but its been almost 2 years for me and me and my boyfriend still have the spark and we havent even seen eachother in real life yet...(plese dont judge me we known eachother for a very long time) but anways, here are some things we do occasionally to keep things going

1. sending a cute email just pouring out ur feelings or eachother (or even a cute ecard with a letter)
2. sending eachother gifts it doens thave to be expensive either
3. make a scrapbook or photo album. take a bunch of pictures and whenever u guys see eachother make a scrapbook
4. download the same movie and watch it together at the same time on the phone (u can also do a date-in-the-box where u send a package to eachother with maybe a blanket or popcorn or some candy to watch the movie)
5. send her a shirt of urs so she can put it over a pillow and hug it while she sleeps (my boyfriend did this with my shirt and he loves it)
6. make a care package (fill it up with things she might need whens shes feeling sad since u cant be there right now ie. hershey kisses, tissue, funny pics etc)
7. get a song dedicate a song to her

i hope these help, these has helped me for the past two years and counting i do wish u both the best