Advice in being a little more subtle

[Stephanie86]

Here's the thing, I'm a straight forward kind of girl. Which works 50% of the time, the other 50% is me scaring the living daylight out of someone. Can't help it.
Now, there is this man who I really like. Not really sure what he thinks about me. There's tension, that's for sure. But I mentioned before that I tend to go for the wrong guys, the players. Not sure, if he fits that category yet.
I'm thinking me bringing up the subject might scare him off. I'm meeting him next Friday. Not a date. Texted him some questions about a presentation I needed help with. He answered, and said I could come around if I needed more info. So, no big deal.
Any advice on what I can say/do to see if this is leading anywhere? Trying to be a little less straight forward, and a little more cautious, cause I think this one might be worth it. Cheesy, I know.

[thundersw]

If you want sex, there's a 100% chance to happen no matter what you do/say. Any men welcomes it anytime of day.
Now if you want something with him, there's a 50% chance. If you're too much straight forward (which may not be a good thing sometimes), and act like "let's have sex and then you can be my boyfriend", that sounds more like a s*** than a serious women. Or you can be more ladylike, more caring and earn some good points with him.
Your call.

[Mathias]

If you want sex, there's a 100% chance to happen no matter what you do/say. Any men welcomes it anytime of day.

This is a myth.

[smackie9]

OK 99% for sure.........

[smackie9]

If you want a man's attention you have to dress feminine, be flirty, soft, submissive and lady like. It sounds cheesy but most of the time it works.

[gracie8635]

1st of all u gotta kno when ur dating a bad boy cuz if u cant differentiate the two well theres no way that ur problems are will b resolved. U ladies have a flaw thats called control. U girls make projects outta us n hope 4 change. Figure the characteristics out that deems guys as bad boys then ull b able 2 have more clarity.

[Mathias]

OK 99% for sure.........

Wrong.

We all want sex. That's obvious.

It's not worth it in a lot of situations. If a woman gives too many warning signs, reasonable guys will just back off. Too many bad, bad things can happen.

[smackie9]

Ya but there's a lot of guys out there just want to dip their whip and don't care.

[Mathias]

Ya but there's a lot of guys out there just want to dip their whip and don't care.

No doubt. But to generalize to all of us is a mistake.

I would argue that those of us who are sensible enough to avoid it (much more than one percent) are the ones worth going after.

[smackie9]

I was joking about the 99%.

[Yet another guy]

But I mentioned before that I tend to go for the wrong guys, the players. Not sure, if he fits that category yet.
I'm thinking me bringing up the subject might scare him off.

You're thinking about bringing up the subject that he might be a player? You're quite right, it might scare him off. Nobody wants to be mistaken for one.
It's only fair to give him a chance to prove otherwise before you start questioning him.

Any advice on what I can say/do to see if this is leading anywhere? Trying to be a little less straight forward, and a little more cautious, cause I think this one might be worth it. Cheesy, I know.

Asking if he would like to go on a date is a good way to find out if he isn't interested and shouldn't be a problem to a girl like you. If you want to take it more cautiously, go ahead, but that way you don't find out if he's interested.
If you are straight forward type, my advice is that don't try to be something you're not. Plenty of guys prefer those who go straight to the point but very few girls do. It should follow that being the way you are, your chances with guys are better. Would you like to end up together with a guy who would be scared of your straight forwardness, and you had to pretend?

If you want a man's attention you have to dress feminine, be flirty, soft, submissive and lady like. It sounds cheesy but most of the time it works.

I don't think most of that is necessary. Just flirting should suffice if it is obvious enough. I guess being submissive would attract dominant guys, which is what most girls are after though. Way of dressing, behaving and such is very much a preference thing and I think the best thing is to be yourself and wear the clothes you like.

[bulrush]

I can respect, and am attracted to, girls who have the guts to be direct. I think you need to find someone who appreciates you for being direct. I like direct girls because they cut through all the BS and get right to the point.

So, you can ask the guy if he would date someone who is direct like you. For now, claim you have "this friend". If he sounds ok with it, then ask him out to dinner. The convo might go something like this:

Her: So, I have this friend who is direct like me. Do you like girls who are like that?
Him: Yes, she sounds nice.
Her: Soooo, do you think you would be interested in dating me?
Him: Oh, that sounds like fun! Sure, why not.
Her: Ok, my house, 8pm, Friday. WEAR A THONG!
Him: O_o

[Stephanie86]

You're thinking about bringing up the subject that he might be a player? You're quite right, it might scare him off. Nobody wants to be mistaken for one.
It's only fair to give him a chance to prove otherwise before you start questioning him.

Asking if he would like to go on a date is a good way to find out if he isn't interested and shouldn't be a problem to a girl like you. If you want to take it more cautiously, go ahead, but that way you don't find out if he's interested.
If you are straight forward type, my advice is that don't try to be something you're not. Plenty of guys prefer those who go straight to the point but very few girls do. It should follow that being the way you are, your chances with guys are better. Would you like to end up together with a guy who would be scared of your straight forwardness, and you had to pretend?

I don't think most of that is necessary. Just flirting should suffice if it is obvious enough. I guess being submissive would attract dominant guys, which is what most girls are after though. Way of dressing, behaving and such is very much a preference thing and I think the best thing is to be yourself and wear the clothes you like.

Thanks! No, wasn't planning on asking him if he's a player. A bit confused about the be submissive/don't be submissive part though. Not really the submissive type. Besides he seems to enjoy the fact that I'm not like that. Might want to tone that down a little. Tend to be a bit of a dominant girl, and since he thinks he's an alpha male that might not work out that well in the end. So, you think I need to be straight forward? Besides just bluntly asking him out, what would you want a girl to say to spike your interest? Curious about that. I'm used to being chased, not being the chaser so I'm a bit rusty when it comes to that. Up for the challenge though.

[Stephanie86]

Wrong.

We all want sex. That's obvious.

It's not worth it in a lot of situations. If a woman gives too many warning signs, reasonable guys will just back off. Too many bad, bad things can happen.

I agree. It's not a bad thing if it's mutual, but I'm not going for a one time fling. Want this one to be more than that. Don't want to give out the wrong signals either, than again don't want him to think I don't care at all. Not that easy, finding a boundary between those two.It's a thin line.

[Yet another guy]

Thanks! No, wasn't planning on asking him if he's a player.

Oh, you didn't plan to ask him that. Then, what did you mean by "I'm thinking me bringing up the subject might scare him off."? What subject? It was right after the player thing so - since you didn't specify - I made the apparently false assumption.

A bit confused about the be submissive/don't be submissive part though. Not really the submissive type. Besides he seems to enjoy the fact that I'm not like that.

What's confusing about the submissive/not part? Smackie stated that a woman should be submissive to get a guys attention, but I argue that it would help only if the guy is dominant himself. Even then it isn't necessarily an advantage. I've read that some dominant guys want their partner to be dominant as well. And many guys who appear dominant are just pretending to appear more attractive.
If he seems to enjoy the fact that you're not like that, great Stay that way. A dominant and straight forward woman is a really rare gem to find.

So, you think I need to be straight forward?

Sure. Subtle messages are easy to miss. Being direct allows him to show if he's interested in you.

Besides just bluntly asking him out, what would you want a girl to say to spike your interest? Curious about that. I'm used to being chased, not being the chaser so I'm a bit rusty when it comes to that. Up for the challenge though.

Hmm, that's an interesting question. I've never been approached by a girl. Flirting would be a good start. Showing me attention to let me know she's interested would obviously help a lot. Anything sexual would definitely spike my interest.

I agree. It's not a bad thing if it's mutual, but I'm not going for a one time fling. Want this one to be more than that.

Having sex right away doesn't mean it's a one time fling. Not for me anyway.
Your comment doesn't necessarily disagree with that, but I just wanted to point it out.