I feel like I need to be more like my boyfriend's ex?

[am76]

Hello Everyone, this is my first time here as I'm going through so much in my head and could really use some advice.

Me and my boyfriend have been together a year+ and things are extremely routine. I have 2 children who are young and who are both in a bit of a phase lately which is VERY stressful. We come home, cook, I take care of the kids homework, playtime, etc, and thats really it.. We don't get out on the weekends due to lack of a babysitter and that it costs me about $80 for an overnight sitter. We just went on an 8 day vacation back east so he could visit his family and friends and I met them for the first time... We had a great time, but now we are back in the norm of things, and I just feel he is bored.

Here is my issue. I am constantly worrying. I am REALLY shy, quiet, not really outgoing unless I have a little to drink, and I am always thinking too much into things.. Hence where I am now.

He had an ex of 2 years on and off (more off than on). Apparently, she was this bad ass bitch which I picture every guy being turned on by. She was one of those women that didn't give a ****, knew she was sexy and used it to her advantage, got what she wanted, had a mouth on her, could work men, and could back her shit up.

COMPLETELY the opposite of me. She also had MANY flaws. She cheated alot, she was on and off pills, (my boyfriend never did any drugs). She would tell him she loved him one night, and the next morning she would have disappeared and come to find she moves to vegas to be with her ex... Things like that.

My problem is, I feel like he was in love with the good side of her and not the bad obviously. She didn't have any kids like I do, and I feel like they were just able to have fun freely all the time.

Now he is with me, I am totally the opposite. I think what attracts him to me is that I have the look he likes. Black hair, covered in tattoos... etc.

I find myself wishing I was more like this girl (minus the bad parts of her) for a couple of reasons. To give him something to be interested in, and for myself. I've always longed to be more confident.

I'm having such a hard time getting over the fact that I KNOW he is bored. He doesn't do the random little things anymore like telling me I look nice, calling me sexy, sneaking up behind me for a kiss, etc... And I'm seriously missing all of that. I've tried talking, but he either tells me he will work on it, or that I'm looking too much into it.

Anyone have any advise to set me straight?

[Wakeup]

Have you tried sneaking up behind him and giving him a kiss on the neck? Do you feel sexy and dress to impress him so that YOU feel more confident about yourself instead of getting your confidence from him?

He's with you and I would imagine he's happy there or he wouldn't be. I suspect he's more than happy to be off the merry go round of dysfunction he was on with his off and on psychotic sounding ex so work on your confidence and sense of self-worth and appreciate the good things you have with your guy. Don't wish you were like her, she' sounds possitively sad and likely very lonely most of the time.

[am76]

Have you tried sneaking up behind him and giving him a kiss on the neck? Do you feel sexy and dress to impress him so that YOU feel more confident about yourself instead of getting your confidence from him?

He's with you and I would imagine he's happy there or he wouldn't be. I suspect he's more than happy to be off the merry go round of dysfunction he was on with his off and on psychotic sounding ex so work on your confidence and sense of self-worth and appreciate the good things you have with your guy. Don't wish you were like her, she' sounds possitively sad and likely very lonely most of the time.

Your reply was really, very sweet, thank you Would you happen to have any advise on how to be more confident?

[workingman78]

Being confident is about a mindset. Once you wrap your mind around the fact he is there and into you, that you are sexy, that you deserve/earned the place you are, the confidence comes to you. The next time you feel this "rut" you are in creeping up, decide in your head that you are going to make something happen. Don't second guess yourself, just do it, be spontaneous, and when you get a good reaction from him (and you well, i am sure) then you well feel more confident to do it again. good luck

[Wakeup]

Your reply was really, very sweet, thank you Would you happen to have any advise on how to be more confident?

Well, as WM says being confident is a mindset. It's having the strength to go for things that you may be a little shy or hesitant to do but you go ahead and get er done anyway knowing that whatever doesn't kill us only teaches us or makes us stronger ~ Keeping in mind you'll not cross personal boundaries or relationship boundaries while doing your thing.

Don't be afraid to initiate displays of affection to your guy if he's being a bit lazy at them at the moment. Trust that he'll appreciate them as much as you do when he initiates to you.

Dress so you feel good FOR YOU, not for him.

Get your hair done, buy some new frilly bits

Read literature on how to succeed in areas that you feel you're lacking in.

Ignore or dismiss negative or jealous people or those who are somehow threatened by you and who may be passive agressive or outright hostile in their dealings with you. Laugh off their rants. Trust your abilities to be true.

LOVE YOU and be proud of who you are and have become and the rest will come easily.