Dating a wealthy guy, but still in love with the poor one

[kbee]

In June, I broke up with my fiance, who I'd been with for 4 years (engaged only since January), because he wouldn't look for a job. For the last year of our relationship, he would just play video games instead of looking for a job, and I resented him for it. But I loved him, and I still do. I just couldn't keep going into debt and had to break up with him to prevent more debt accumulation (basically forcing him to mooch off his own family instead of me--I was a student with financial aid as my only source of 'income' for the both of us). Since our breakup in June, I've ignored his hand-written letters requesting to get back together. I recently found out that he's joined the Airforce, attained a job, and now he is making regular payments to me to help work some of his (our) debt off. Now, I am really missing him. In short, if he attains financial stability, I think we would be great together. The catch: I broke up with him once previously for not looking for a job, and gave him a second chance, which he also blew.

Now I'm dating someone who makes well into 6 figures (really, what he makes doesn't matter--just that he makes something, or if he gets laid off in these tough times, that he looks for another job). He treats me well. We've been dating 2 months. I'm certainly not in love with him (yet), and aside from being a little clingy and loud, he's great.

I thought I was over my ex, but apparently I'm not. I really do still love him. I know this is not fair to the one I am currently dating. Should I give my ex a third chance? Or wait to see how my feelings develop for this new guy?

Again: I understand that not everyone will be able to keep a job in this economy, and that things happen. I just expect that, while he is physically able, my partner continue to seek ways to earn a living until he attains one... not just give up!

[steviej]

Personally, i'd be willing to give the new person a chance. I don't believe your ex will ever change, if you get back together he'll eventually fall into his old ways.

What are your ages by the way?

[bulrush]

Your ex sounds like he will be consistently unemployed. He only got a job with the Airforce because of stress from the breakup, not from any inner compass he is following. So I think he will soon be unemployed again. They do kick people out of the military, you know.

I would give this new person a chance.

[kbee]

I am 30 and he is 27. The new guy is 38 (but he doesn't look it!)... Really? Give the new guy a chance? Longer than 2 months?

[oldskool83]

kinda sounds like you just jumped from 1 realationship to a new one to realize now your not happy either. grown men playing video games, if he was enjoying fun employment thats one thing, most people i know will wait it out and look when its about to run out.

giving a guy a chance when you already got 2 month in could turn out to be a shitty thing....hes 38 and prob does not want his time wasted. honestly i wouldnt. i think the bigger question here is you dont know what you want and you shouldnt date right now til you really figure it out.

[kbee]

^^The ex had no unemployment. Technically, he was fired.

I think you are right. I jumped in too soon, but I really thought I was ready. I like this new guy, but I'm not sure if that's just it: I just like him. Don't know if it will grow further. I'm willing to give it a little more time, but I don't want to waste his. If you've seen some of my previous posts, this guy has already said he loves me. I don't want to drag it on, but I want to give him a fair chance.

Ugh. Relationships are too hard. I think I will just go get a puppy...

[vashti]

Whether or not you decide to give the ex another shot, you should get rid of the new guy. Whatever you are feeling for him, it isn't love. He deserves to be free to find someone who thinks HE is that special.

[kbee]

Whether or not you decide to give the ex another shot, you should get rid of the new guy. Whatever you are feeling for him, it isn't love. He deserves to be free to find someone who thinks HE is that special.

Well I don't expect to be in love by two months. I do think he is special; I think he is great. But I don't know if my feelings are progressing. If they are, it's very slow. But that would be fine--at least they are progressing. I am stuck between waiting/seeing or just throwing in the towel right now.

I'm not going to contact my ex. I realize he needs time to figure things out for himself and prove to himself that he can be self-sufficient. I don't need to muck things up for him.

[oldskool83]

the new guy is not in love, what is loves in your attention because honestly at almost 40 its hard to meet people and he prob is not ok with being alone...but hes not in love, he just thinks is right now.

[Mish]

Should I give my ex a third chance? Or wait to see how my feelings develop for this new guy?

If it didn't work out twice already, I don't think it will work out the third time. Relationships mostly either work or they don't.

I agree with Vash about the new guy as well, it doesn't really sound like you are that much into him, if I were you I'd probably date neither.

[devonbrown]

I think you should be on your own for a little bit. You jumped into another relationship way too soon. Your ex is now doing the military thing which might help give him some direction as well, but only time will tell. And the new guy deserves to be in a relationship with someone who is into him and not wondering what if.

Just take some time for yourself and see what shakes out.

Good luck.