I am an 18 year old male and I've struggled throughout my high school career to find the right person to have sex with. Between the ages of 16 and 17 I had multiple opportunities which resulted in girls teasing me or dating me without sex for some unknown reason. Without sounding narcissistic, I am fully aware that I am an attractive young guy who is not socially awkward and can handle a relationsihp with ease. My last girlfriend really changed my life and I would describe her as my first love. We would often talk about having sex and given the opportunity we would go for it right away. It took a painstaking 3 months before either of us got one of our houses to ourselves because our parents would rarely leave, but finally when we were in bed together she chickened out.
The reason why we wanted to do this at that time was because she was going on a trip for a couple weeks with her father and we wouldn't see each other. To my shocking dismay she returned only to break up with me. I cannot describe how painfully disappointing it is that I will never be able to have sex with the girl I loved so much. Since then it's been about two months and I am torn between trying to have sex as soon as I can and waiting for the right opportunity. The idea of a one night stand feels shallow and incomparable to my previous romantic relationsihp, but at the same time it feels as though I'm falling behind in my sex life and I really deserved to experience it before this.
Obviously it seems to suit my character to wait for the right opportunity, but my standard has been set so high and meeting girls after graduating of high school just seems like an impossible feat. Although I believe I am over my ex-girlfriend as a person and I no longer love her as I once did, the experience still haunts me and I am left alone with my self confidence on the line. The friends I would normally talk to about relationships just assume I had sex with my ex because of how obviously we were in love, and I'm too ashamed to admit that she wouldnl't let it happen. So what am I supposed to do? How can I believe the right person will show up, fulfill both my sexual and romantic needs and help my sex life finally take off? It just doesn't feel realistic.